Depression and anxiety

[Suet suet]

I like to share my problems and hope someone will listen and give me some thoughts on it. Knowing that it’s not going to solve the problem. At least I can release my emotion a bit.

i was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and anxiety all at once after doing the depression screen in late July. It was like a sudden heart attack. I could not believe the fact that i need to start taking antidepressant as well as seeing a psychologist. It’s such a mental health problem. I feel so ashamed to tell my husband about the condition. I wear a mask everyday pretending I am ok. I also wonder if I would ever recover. I had struggled for 10 days to finally get to a chemist to get the drug as after days of depression and unsleepless. It was a real torture! The antidepressant indeed has improved my sleeping. I started the first session with a psychologist last week, however not very useful! I told myself to think everything in a positive way and I will be ok. Last week, I decided to come off the drug although the psychologist warned me that it would take 6 full weeks for the antidepressant to come effect. I am not sure if its a good idea to stop now. But I only had drugs for 20 days. I do not want to rely on it to make me sleep! Everyday I feel so depressed and so tired. Expression has psuhed away my motivation and I found that everything I do is an effort. I don’t want to meet people.

My brain has focused so much on negative thoughts. any idea how to change or divert my negative thoughts!

[PamelaR]

Hi Suet Suet and warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Depression and anxiety is debilitating at times. However, they are manageable. I've was diagnosed about 8 years ago (though have lived my life with it) and haven't looked back. I started medication, counselling, regular doctor's visits. It isn't easy but doable. One of the hardest things was telling my hubby, however, he knew well before I did. He could tell by my behaviour. So coming clean was one of the best things I did. Now I have an added resource to talk to when I want.

There is a some really good threads that you might find interesting and may feel like you want to contribute. You're welcome to join their discussion if you want. No pressure. I've always found these threads have some great ideas about positivity and negativity around depression

Depression: Fight It or Embrace It. You can find it under the Long Term Support over the Journey forum started by Mrs Dools.

Words of comfort, encouragement and wisdom under the Staying Well forum started by Birdy.

Keep reaching out here if and when you want to.You're not alone Suet.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Suet suet]

Hi PamelaR,

thanks for your kind words and suggestions. I am sure I will visit the threads one day when I feel a bit better. is it ok to have a day off for no reason?! I didn’t have the motivation to leave home and go back to work today. So guilty and shameful. My mood is so low and weather is so dark, raining which adds an extra blow to my already Low self esteem. Everything I see is dark today 😌

[baet123]

Hi Suet Suet,

Thanks for posting and allowing us to learn about you and your situation. I think its great that you are using these forums to share your feelings and emotions and if it makes you feel better and get your emotions "out" and "off your chest" that is great.

I think everyone who suffers from a mental health issue is extremely brave and it is very understandable and normal that you are hesitant to tell your husband. In regards to your medication, I would be careful stopping medication without receiving advice from your GP/psychiatrist. Suddenly coming off your medication can have quite serious adverse effects so this is something to take into consideration.

Further, it is absolutely okay to take a day off for no reason especially knowing your current situation. No need to feel guilty or shameful. It is perfectly normal!

Things will get better suet suet, they did for me after a long time. The fact that your posting on the forums and seeking professional help shows you want to get better and are trying too which is amazing! Try and stay positive (even though that can be a challenge) and we are here if you ever need to talk about anything.

All the best and I look forward to seeing how you are going.

Baet123.

[Aeroboi]

Hello suet and welcome to the forums.

i want to start off by saying that depression and anxiety are both challenging to live with. It can also be hard to “admit” that depression is an issue. It becomes easy to think that there is nothing wrong because physically you are fine, however mentally you are not. This makes it hard to justify taking a day off because you feel unwell and should be able to preform like others, and yet you feel a heavy burden that requires a great amount of effort to overcome, one you can easily try to dismiss it.

what I am trying to say is that it is okay, don’t forget there are people who understand the hard to convey experience, that is depression and anxiety. don’t be ashamed of it and do ask for help when you need it.

my first try getting help with my depression was not easy either. I was naive and underestimated the impact depression had on my life. I was reluctant to begin medication and was resistant to psychological treatment however, I was at an extremely low point in my life where I had attempted suicide, so I had come to my own conclusion that I either needed help or needed to finish the idea.

what I’m trying to say is, accepting help is not easy. Admitting that depression has an impact is not easy either.

I ask that if you have doubt about your treatments, then please speak with your GP and psychologist. It might be hard to accept but understanding how depression can spiral out of control, and the importance of depression management do help.

I am now on two different kinds of antidepressants, I am still impacted by depression but now,I feel like I can live again! It taken 4 years for me to feel this way, there isn’t any shortcuts.

I would not have come this far without my own desire to get help and not relent on that objective.

So please do find some good doctor who you can discuss your treatment with. Your mental health is very important and I wish you all the best.

please don’t hesitate to ask any questions, you are not alone.

[Suet suet]

Hi,
thanks for the replies and comforting words! A day off is not fixing anything - perhaps an escape from the reality. The worst thing is that when you return to work the next day you still have to catch up the work while you are away. People expect you are fit enough to do the jobs. So I am pretty ‘flat’ today.

The antidepressant hadn’t taken any effect before I gave up. I don’t feel like a visit to my GP. Not helping much! I have other chronic conditions which have plagued me for years. Not sure where or how to start and seek help. it. Maybe I could start here ? ...

1. Feeling Emptiness - my counsellor told me that I need to do a “grieving”due to childhood “loss” as a result of parenting neglects. So the loss can be found?! I don’t really understand what she means by that. My parents are both here. I never experienced any loss/ death. However the feeling of emptiness does trigger and stretch depression even further.

2. Phobia - I have a fear on all sorts of dolls. It sounds strange and silly so I even feel shameful to mention it. this phobia has been developed since when I was little, 6yr old. i still feel extremely fearful and I don’t think it is going to wear off. I wonder if this “phobia” is qualified as a medical condition or anyone has an idea how to address it. It’s awful to see other children enjoy playing their fav dolls whilst I just cry out aloud at the corner because I am fearful! I am such a misfit, I am unable to stand up and stare at a doll for over a min. Although it’s not something which requires urgent attention, I have found a few occasions that embarrassed me, eg to attend a CPR course you need to physically perform on a child / adult model.... People accept that you can be fearful of a spider or snake but a barbie doll? It’s illogical. Anyone experienced same phobia?!

Thanks for reading.

[Aeroboi]

I’m not well versed on phobia however, I don’t think that it’s illogical.

A phobia is a phobia, the context of the phobia dosnt make it untrue. It might seem odd because it’s uncommon but if it’s a phobia then it’s thats what it is.

i hope that sentence clears up some of your uncertainty, if you are still unsure if your reaction meets the criteria as a phobia, I’m sure there is a section on these forum where you can ask. As always you can talk to your GP about it and they can help diagnose you.

[Aeroboi]

When it comes to getting help, it’s your first big hurdle. Your depression is going to make you feel like it’s a huge effort. Because of this required effort your going to feel like it’s not worth it, maybe that it’s too hard.

But I would like to remind you that you probably don’t want to feel this way, overcoming this barrier is the first step to getting help.

Remember that treatment is going to be a long slow process but at the end, the objective is to feel better!

im going to provide an analogy, if you are overweight it’s going to be hard to become fit again. But once you become fit it’s more easy to maintain.

I feel as if this is also true for depression, once you are able to become stable it’s more easy to maintain. The suffering isn’t completely gone but with good management you can cope with a bad spell more easily.

ofc taking a day off isn’t going to fix things, it’s more about taking the time you need to recompose yourself. You are going to feel flat the next day still, I remember going down that very same track.

but with proper treatment you will be able to recompose and be ready for the next day, without feeling so empty and flat.

[Suet suet]

Hi Aoreboi,
Thanks for your thoughts and explanations. I really appreciate it.

(I am unsure why my post has gone missing or is it just hiding somewhere - it’s rather time consuming to go thru all the posts to find it.

Thanks for the analogy, it’s very logical!!! Obviously the higher the hurdle, the harder to reach and consequently it’s easier to give up. I think I have overcome the first hurdle, seeking help. I visit GP, counsellor and psychologist.

It’s just too hard to convince when it comes to ‘medication’. I have such a high resistance to any kind of drugs. I always have to struggle and think twice before trying the first tablet - too terrified about the side effects and the uncertainty as how a little magic pill does in my body. Another reason is also the “guilt”to take a tablet regularly. Just like you said the benefit is not immediate - it’s long and slow which is rather distressing. So I really don’t know what to expect now. My GP said ‘try and see’. Maybe 4 mths and come off.... I feel I am lost. It’s so wrong with me. 😞

Suet suet

[Aeroboi]

Hi suet,

I have treatment resistant depression, medication isn’t a cure for depression. It’s there to help treat your depression in conjunction with education about depression and other therapies related to depression.

its kind of a package deal, everything helps and overtime things become better. It would be really nice if there was some magic pill but, that’s not how antidepressants work.

infact there are many different kinds of antidepressants, all with different effects and success rates.

the first time you get antidepressants, it’s normally a first line medication. That is one with a good success rate and minimal side affects.

Most if not all antidepressants are designed to alter the chemical balance in the brain. The leading theory is that chemical imbalance leads to higher risk of depression.

since its not proven a fact, it might be that you need to try different types and classification of antidepressants. since we can’t know for sure how well each one will work, untill you have been on it for a few months.

Normally antidepressants won’t come into affect for 4-6 weeks and it may take 6-12months to see the full benefit. Thankfully most side affects wear off after the first month, once your adjusted to the medication.

my first antidepressant was a second line, it made me very nauseous and increased the amount I slept. After about a month and a half I stoped taking the medication because of the side affects.

later I was put on a first line and common antidepressant. The side affects where tolerable and after 2 months I was able to see the benefit. I noticed I was no longer a roller coster my bad spells where reduced from weeks of depression to 3-4 days, and I felt as if I could do normal thing.

it was no cure but a small step in the right direction. 7 months later I was able to get my psychiatric review, something I was looking forward to. My psychiatrist was able to recommend additional medication to take concurrently. Since being on the new cocktail I feel significantly better, this isn’t just because of a pill.

this is 4 years of hell with the last 2 spent on trying to fix myself. I feel like I have climbed Mount Everest and outer space is within reach, Both impossible feats.

you should try to give the medication a fair go, discuss side affects and benefits with your doctor. They will help to determine if the medication is worth it. If you end up trying a few don’t worry, there are many others to try.