Depressed. Anxious. Lonely and lost

[Living57]

How do people cope? Its all too much and it seems to keep piling up. I dont know where to turn. I pretend to everyone it is much better than it is. I just dont tell them how I really am. I live with my daughter and son-in-law and 2 adult grandsons. My daughter is so good but has her own issues. I dont want to overburden her. My son-in-law doesnt like me talking or even mentioning my late husband..he passed 2 yrs ago...apparently it is too negative. He tells me to get OTC sleeping tablets as i hardly sleep. I take meds, see a doctor regularly and try and eat well. But the black hole I sit at the bottom of is winning...i feel like i want it to close over me. I cry sometimes for no reason. I have little interest in anything. I try to be happy. I try to find positives. I worry. I can't shut down amd relax then i worry more and panic sets in. I feel like I am loosing control and my depression ramps up.

Have you felt this way? What do you do?

I just really want to feel a sense of normality..whatever that is. I want to feel useful but the way I am now I hardly function let alone feel as if I am contributing to life.

I just feel lost lonely unloved useless worthless...the list could go on

My depression is winning and I feel like I have no way to fight back.

I guess I dread where my life is going. I can see where it could end up and I hate that thought.

any ideas? Any suggestions?

Thank you

[Neil_1]

Hi there L.57

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

That is so very encouraging that your daughter is good and I assume that you’re able to lean on her at different times for support. With regard to your late husband, I wonder if you’re able to unload to your daughter a bit more and to try and keep the son-in-law out of it, as that kind of response (... being too negative), is not useful to hear. You’re still no doubt grieving and this is a perfectly normal response.

With regard to your doctor, perhaps on your next visit, it might be worthwhile letting him/her know of how you’re feeling (if you haven’t already). It might even be time, perhaps for a review of your meds??

I just wonder that if you were to take a pen to paper and to write down your worries, your troubles; list them down, as many as you can. Get ‘em all out … something just for you. Have them down on paper … then perhaps re-order them into what is causing you the most pain? This can sometimes be helpful, cause once seeing them on paper, you can then work on them in an order and that they’re not all jumbled up in the head, all competing with each other.

Where you’re located, are there any volunteer roles that you may be able to try??

Interests? Again, perhaps think back to things that used to really entertain you, that you enjoyed … maybe there’s something that could rekindle even an old interest?

Also a quote that Winston Churchill said: “If you find yourself in hell, keep moving”. I hear that you’re in a black hole at the moment, so do all you can to climb back out of that. You’ve got positives happening, with all the great things you’ve mentioned that you’re setting up and doing for yourself … and also coming here was another positive.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[gld]

Hi Living57,

I feel depression has the power to make us shut down as well as distort our judgement, you are not alone with these feelings as many of us have experienced the hold depression has on us.

You mentioned in your post you are currently seeing a doctor as well as taking medication as i feel this is a great start to kick start your road to recovery. As hard as it is to open up to others about how you are currently feeling, to get the best support from your doctor i feel it is very important to do so. In the past i have felt the same and use to write down what was going on for me each day and then take it in for my doctor to read, this helped me greatly. Things i would write down would be feelings, moods, thoughts and how my sleep pattern was.

This community is an awesome place to come post and read others journeys as it is a non judgemental environment. There are many posts with tips to put up a good fight to get back on track.

You mentioned in your post that you, "dread where my life is going" and i feel you could be enabling your depression taking control and if you could change this thought slightly you could make it easier. I am going to take my dread and move forward living my life in the moment. The past has happened and none of us are fortune tellers so we need to focus on the now.

It is vital for you to continue to seek out things that give you enjoyment as this will give you a break from your every day to day. It could be as simple as find a quiet place to read or have a cuppa tea just to break the routine. I love to draw and sit in nature.

You are now a very important part of our community and sharing your post has got other members thinking about questions you have posted so they also are able to read others journeys to improve theirs.

Be gentle on yourself and give yourself time to rebuild your strength to make the change with your supports.

Gen {Hugs}

[Angeline]

I been feeling like I'm completely lost, anxious, depressed about so many things more then ever before!!! I been at the stage to where I don't want to get up of a morning anymore to get ready for work!! Yet I love my work place!!! All I want to do is just curl up and stay that way forever!

I have been dealing with few things that has been hurting me inside for years!! Things I never dealt with cos of family always just swept it under the mat and pretend it never happened and now its haunting me BIG time!!! Having trouble sleeping, nightmares that wont go away, seeing the past like it only happened to me yesterday!!!

I jump straight to a panic stage to where I feel I cant cope with it anymore!!! And I just don't know what to do!! Al I seem to do or feel like doing is breaking down in tears!!! Sometime when I do break down in tears I seem to cry a river!! With no one to turn to!!!

Would you say that normal or what?

I never had family to turn to! Life sure had been hard for me, with not sure who to trust or who really cares!!! I felt so betrayed from so many people not believing me when I told the truth in so many ways!!!

Life can sure be hard but sometimes the only person you can seem to count on is yourself when there is no-one else to turn too!!! As people sure know how to let you down when they say they are there for you, but ends up leaving you in the deep end to deal with things on your own!!!

I know I want to give up and feel I can't go on anymore but I try to live on hope that some day will be great, and that I'm through all this crap I been trying to cope with on my own for years!!!!

I can never to be sure I can ever turn back to trust my family again!!! Or some people who were ment to be my friends!!!

One person sure made good point of me being fearing of crowds!!! Will I ever get my confidence back on that again?

That's one thing I guess I'll never know till I fight through this!!!

I know I may of talked a lot of crap but I been through a lot of crap and hope someone can relate to it in a simpler way somehow, somewhere etc,

As it be great to know someone who can relate to how you feel instead of having fakes out there pretending they know how you feel!!!

Be positive and just believe as it all will work out in the end!!!

[gld]

Here is a quote that someone posted in the beyondblue quote post, it may give you something you are able to reflect on.

The most beautiful people have known defeat, suffering, struggle, loss and have found their way out of the depths.
These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people don't just happen.