Constant crying, guilt, perfectionism, sadness and I don't know why

[FlowersBloom]

Hi,

 I am wondering if there is anyone that suffers from depression and gets similar symptoms to the ones that I have - and how you can control them so that I am able to function at work and in public properly and I can return to feeling normal again (especially dealing with constant crying) These get worse when i let my anxiety get really bad and I tend to fall into a depressed state shortly after. 

Symptoms:

Crying constantly, in public and alone - I get episodes where I can cry for up to 7 hours straight - at this point I will probably start hitting my head against the wall because I feel like I have gone crazy

Breathing difficulty

Trouble concentrating 

Everything makes me feel guilty

There is no point to anything I do in life!

It takes too much effort to do simple things - they feel so difficult.

Nightmares

Feeling tired and lazy

Basically, I have no idea why i am feeling so sad all the time. Everything i think of even happy memories makes me feel so sad. I think it has something to do with my perfectionism and being too self reliant i deal with everything on my own and bottle everything inside. I have struggled since I was about 16 years old. Each but gets worse as the years pass. I never spoke to my parents or anyone about the constant pain I was feeling. And now my body doesn't know how to handle it anymore. I am on medication and seeing a therapist. Medication seems to help the best.  I also encourage that if anyone else does not know what to do or if u feel like you are crazy or abnormal you are not. And you are not alone. Talking to someone has been the best thing. Don't bottle up and hide from the world. Seeing a doctor and my medication is the one thing seeing me through this episode.

[white knight]

Hi FB, welcome

We are sufferers ourselves so we cant go down the path of diagnosis. However, we can describe our own experiences.

Since 12yo to 53yo I've been a mess. I'm 59yo now...6 years of bliss. At 12yo I had an incident at home where it was traumatic, my older brother nearly drowned in our pool and I was instrumental in saving his life. He was a diabetic and had a "turn" while in the pool. Following that incident I didn't speak for 3 months- not a word. My parents were unaware of the incident except that upon them arriving at the pool he was in need of jam for sugar.

What followed was an anxious young man that was very sad and that sadness went in cycles of say a period of 10 days every 8 weeks. Long enough for me not to realise there was a cycle. My brother suicided in 1979 at 27yo. My anxiety was extreme and peaked at 31yo with a workplace incident. I was off work for 10 months and sort a change of occupation.

Finally I sought a psychiatrist after reading a book about ADHD in adults. He diagnosed me with bipolar 1 and ADHD. For 6 years I took medication based on that diagnosis. But that diagnosis was wrong!!

In 2009 I saw another psychiatrist and we had a second one in attendance as he had some free time. The psych questioned me heavily about my childhood and finally I recalled not talking for 3 months and told him why. This event was pivotal to my condition. It seemed very clear to him and his colleague that I had dysthymia. It a type of low mood depression.

Furthermore I had bipolar type 2, anxiety and depression. I commenced mood stabilisers and a small dose of anti depressants. Wow, what a change for the better. My dosages were adjusted to suit me and since then, 6 years now, I haven't changed them. Such was its success due mainly to a correct diagnosis.

My sadness cycle has changed now to say one half day every 3 weeks. During this time I write my sad poetry and cry a lot, think about the daughter that no longer sees me (her mind has been poisoned by my ex) and generally feel sad. Even just thinking about life makes me sad. But it is far better than 10 days straight....a marathon.

So, my recommendation is to pursue other possibilities in your clinical diagnosis because over the decades I'd seen many a therapist and psychiatrist and they hadn't diagnosed my true illnesses.

I hope this helps.

Tony WK