Confused

[lonely-girl]

hi everyone,

can’t believe I’m here doing this because normally I’m such a level headed person. However lately I feel like I disappoint everybody with things I do. I feel so alone even though I’m not and I have a family that love me. Everything just seems to be going wrong work personal life. I will always say I’m fine even when I’m not and people have started to notice.  I don’t know what to do, people suggest I go to a dr but I don’t want to go on medication and gain weight. I’ve struggled with weight all my life. I also worry that people that have noticed the change in me and will tell my boss. Im worried that im stressing them out. Im so tired and feel like everything is an effort but im still doing work and chores 

[noonicky]

First up I want to say well done on reaching out and posting how you are feeling. You are most certainly not alone in how you are feeling even though you feel clouded by these heavy thoughts. Going to your GP is really important so they can complete a mental health check on you (it's a really simple quiz). Just because you bring up how you are currently feeling medication is not going to be thrown at you. There are many other options other than medication that your GP can recommend. It can be as simple as completing a mental health care plan, obtaining a referral for 10 free (medicare covered) counselling sessions. You can then look for the right person for you. Also with your work see if they have EAP which is a free confidential counselling service that majority of workplaces have available. Try to be kind to yourself I know that is hard but you are amazing and worth it. 

[therising]

Hi lonely-girl

My heart goes out to you so much as you face this incredibly challenging time in your life. I'm so glad you've come here in search of support and the way forward. I think we can have the most level head in life until something comes to tip the scales and levels shift to the point where it can start to feel overwhelming, stressful and even depressing at times. This can happen for the first time no matter our age for there can always be new firsts, like 'This is the first time in my life I've had this many high level challenges all at once'.

noonicky offers guidance that may come to be key in unlocking the way forward. It's true that not all GPs will offer meds straight up although some do. If you want to go the med free route, go for it but from personal experience I'd say there need to be strategic ways of managing without meds. In my opinion, a GP should start with some standard blood tests along with considering a referral for counseling of some type. It's one thing to be incredibly down, it's another to be incredibly down with an iron or b12 deficiency on top of that. Such things can add to depression. 

Personally, I'm a gal who can't do low level energy all that well. It's something that naturally comes to depress me. Whether that low level energy involves chemical energy, such as low b12 levels, low dopamine levels or low levels of something else, if the chemistry is deficient enough I can feel it. Same goes for low level inner dialogue which also has a feel to it. I'm great when I'm channeling the high vibing excitement seeker in me or the enthusiastic wonderer that'll lead me to wonder about pretty much anything but when the critic in me comes to life or parts of me that relate to everything that's depressing the inner dialogue's a shocker. With 'low level' or 'down', things or people putting us down, bringing us down or keeping us down (through the act of not raising us) can be another factor that can be felt. 'Flat battery' mode (feeling completely run down) can be another one. Can be so many different physical or mental factors that can lead us into to down or depression.

At 53 and with me having managed the ins and outs of depression since my late teens, it's only in the last handful of years that I've come to manage in certain ways. My first question is typically 'Is this a mental, physical or soulful thing going on?' Often but not always it can be all 3 combined. For example, the brutal mental dialogue that can come with being physically run down to the point of dysfunctional can feel soul destroying when there's no one raising me to a greater level of consciousness, which could sound like 'These are all the challenges you've been facing.... No wonder you've got next to no energy (charge) left. Now, how are we going to recharge you or put you in charge? How do we need to change things?'. I've found at the worst times in life, a guide is a must. This is someone who's going to raise us in a number of ways, often through leading us to greater levels of consciousness, greater levels of self understanding (when it comes to how we tick), greater levels of skill development and greater levels of overall energy. The goal is next level stuff (aka graduating to next level in life with the best teachers or guides).