Can’t keep going

[Jampob_321]

Hello. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve struggled with major depression all my life, which has now morphed into postnatal depression and anxiety. I have a 16 month old (a result of a surprise pregnancy) and I just really don’t think I can keep going. My relationship with my partner is in tatters, I have no job and no income, my parents are unwell themselves, and I have no support network to help with my baby. I was extremely stressed during my pregnancy and my daughter has turned out to have a very highly sensitive and reactive temperament, which I blame on the heightened levels of cortisol running through my body when she was developing in utero. She is extremely clingy and needy, so I get no time to myself. She is terrified of other people. She also wakes very frequently during the night, which is taking a serious toll on me. (Please do not tell me to sleep train, as I am not interested). 

I just feel like I have nothing to live for. My mental health problems place such a burden on my partner, sister and parents. I see a great psychologist and am on medication, but I’m sick of feeling so hopeless. I don’t know how to fix myself. I can’t keep dumping all my problems on my partner as he is sick to death of it. We have fallen out of love but now feel trapped together for the sake of our baby. I am in huge debt because of study, and the prospect of working feels so hard right now with my daughter being too clingy to be looked after by anyone else, and the sleep deprivation making it so difficult to concentrate throughout the day. My life just feels like a huge mess and I honestly wish it would just end. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Jampob_321
We are extremely grateful to have you in our Forum community! And we are genuinely grateful for such a brave post.

We are concerned that you may be at high risk at the moment, so first and foremost we want to remind you that it is an emergency if you feel you are not safe - please call 000 if this is the case. Remember that you can also reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14. You can ABSOLUTELY reach out to us here as well - 1300 22 4636  and of course you can click here to start a webchat with our staff.

We would like to see if you have any other resources available at the moment? If not, please consider looking a PANDA - 1300 726 306 and The Gidget Foundation on 1300 851 758. both of these organisations have a MASSIVE number of resources and services for Post-Natal depression and support for early life difficulties, and they are lovely. 
We would also recommend have a chat with your GP about medical referrals - whether that referral gets you physical help with Bub, or whether it is about helping your little lass be more calm and at peace herself, there are potentially a lot of options to explore. 
Please consider reaching out to Relationships Australia to help you and your partner - 1300 364 277 and continue to strive to understand your needs and your strengths. Most of all - please keep reaching out here! We are glad you are with us, and we would love to see you again soon!

Stay Safe,

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello Jampod, firstly can I ask you to copy and paste this in your search bar 'no help with young baby and have pnd in australia', as there could be sites that may interest you.

I am really sorry you are suffering from PND as I have had this myself, along with my wife (ex) and know the severity of the problems that lie ahead for you.

It doesn't make it any easier when you don't have a relationship with your partner and suggest you contacting NDIS,  1800 940 515 or https://www.afsa.gov.au/insolvency/cant-pay-my-debts/where-find-help', or Anglicare 1300111278, these places may try and get you back on your feet.

Please let us know.

Geoff.

[ecomama]

Dear Jampob, big hugs! 

I could've written similar many times throughout the years. Wow.
Hard isn't it!?? 

People lie about this stuff don't they? Less bubbles more froth. 

My babies were like "barnacles on the mother ship", I get it. 

My list of what helped me: no sleep training lol, called "controlled crying" in my day, as tho you can "control" a baby's crying...
* reading "The Fussy Baby" made me feel less alone (call your local Library and ask them to get it in)
* taking one day or moment at a time,
* take a photo 
* napping when the baby slept (my multiples only slept at the same time during the day ONCE)
* prepping dinner at the same time as making breakfast ie before 10am
* re-packing the nappy bag as soon as you get home, pack snacks! 
* going out every 2nd day by 10am to a Play Group (I also went to ABA), Library Storytime or a Park visit
* Linking in to a Neighbourhood Centre with mum's groups
* setting up the stroller for hubby to take a brisk walk around the block with baby when he gets home.. worth a try! 

Ask Centrelink if you qualify for Payments whilst you're a full time carer for your baby. 

There could be programs with certified carers, that come to your home, you can source via the Baby Health Clinic... due to having PND / anxiety. You could get to the loo. BY YOURSELF. 

Organic gardening in my own garden with my children brought me out of a deep depression. I grew food I traded in co-ops. 

LETS is a Community group you might want to investigate. I had Counselling thru LETS & more, traded items, made some beautiful friendships. 

Your debts can and will wait.  

We're here for you
Love EM

[therising]

Hi Jampob_321

My heart goes out to you as you face so many overwhelming challenges all at once. Your sense of hopelessness is completely understandable, under such incredibly challenging circumstances.

When it comes to the sleep deprivation factor, for a start, the #1 reason I have only 2 kids (now 16 and 19) is based on the mind altering impact of sleep deprivation when they were babies. Couldn't do it a 3rd time. There's a good reason as to why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in certain parts of the world. What is does to the human mind and body is brutal.

Wondering whether PND group therapy could possibly offer you some relief, like it did me. Just an idea. Experienced PND with both my kids. Can relate to the challenges of facing it with pre-existing depression. I found that one of the most helpful things with this kind of therapy involves having the freedom to speak openly with others who can relate. Mind you, I found it incredibly uncomfortable at first (opening up to a group of strangers) but it became a relief. To start with, the freedom to openly express resentment towards the people around us, whether it be our partner, our own baby, the people we wish would help us but can't or won't etc, can be a relief. Such a relief to not feel guilt when everyone's sharing the same feelings. It was actually within PND group therapy where I finally came out of about 15 years in depression. Btw, if my mum hadn't pushed me to go, I would never have gone.

Can't help but wonder whether you've always been a sensitive person. What I mean is have you always been someone who's able to feel or sense stress in another, a lack of helpful support, the depressing nature of a challenge, dismissive 'advice' (such as 'You just need to get on with things' instead of them helping guide you with how to get on with things), the depressing nature of another (who is perhaps self serving in a way that doesn't help you) and so on? If you find yourself paired with another sensitive, such as a child who can feel your stress, it becomes a crescendo of overwhelming feeling.

Sounds like you're in a state of pure exhaustion. You can't be expected to go out to work in such a state.

[Petal22]

Hi Jampob 321,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand how hard it is to go through postnatal anxiety it’s tough I was diagnosed with this for both of my pregnancies I was also diagnosed with parental OCD and OCD these conditions all together where horrendous to endure but I recovered and I got better…… my life now is amazing and it will be for you too, just give it time.

I understand the sleep deprivation is so hard …….. part of the reason I didn’t get time to myself was because of my postnatal anxiety I didn’t feel like I could leave my babies with anyone because of my anxiety….. so my condition was also impacting me internally because I wouldn’t allow myself that space.

I also didn’t work while my babies where little because of my postnatal anxiety I felt like I just couldn’t leave my babies… just incase…

If I had my time over again I would have worked just a couple of days a week so I could have had that me time without baby and I think it would have helped me.

Im glad you are seeing a great psychologist.

You could contact PANDA they may be helpful for you.

You do have something to live for your beautiful baby.

Things will get better for you just hang in there and keep working with your health professionals.

Recovery really is possible.

Please ask me any thing 

[Petal22]

Hi again jampob 321,

I understand that your relationship is in tatters and I’m sorry to hear this.

I understand that when someone who is experiencing postnatal anxiety and in my case also parental OCD our thoughts can also be influenced by the anxiety.

In my lived experience of postnatal anxiety I experienced horrible intrusive thoughts that absolutely terrified me and they were usually about harm coming to myself, baby or the ones I loved. In my thoughts I was usually the one doing the harming………. I never wanted to act out the thoughts but just by having these thoughts I was terrified and they sky rocketed my anxiety levels.

I found it hard at first to tell my husband what I was going through but I eventually told him about my intrusive thoughts in the beginning I think he was confused.

I was also constantly seeking re assurance from my husband in regards to my intrusive thoughts that I think frustrated him also I was always downloading my thoughts onto him.

I later learned that this was part of my condition.

Once I received professional help for what I was going through I learned that some of the things I was doing were compulsions and I began to learn how to disengage from them, including all of my reassurance seeking.

My husband did attend some of my psychologist appointments he began to get an understanding of what I was going through and he also tried to understand.

Would your partner attend your appointments with you? 

In regards to your sleep would your partner be able to get up to baby so you can sleep?

Things will get better I know it’s hard now but hang in there because you can recover from what you are going through Im living proof of it.

Please come back to us when you are ready.