Can't find things to enjoy

[VK]

Hi,

this is is my first time here. I've just recently accepted I'm suffering from depression and anxiety. I've found myself not finding joy in anything. I've also found everything feels harder and burdensome. I even spent thousands of dollars shopping for clothes to make me feel better and the comfort was extremely short loved. I'm worried my work will suffer and my son. Are there people out there feeling the same?

[White_Rose]

Dear VK

Hello and welcome to the forum. Yes, there are lots of us who feel just like you. I hope that makes you feel better. It's all the fault of that wretched Black Dog. We seem to spend far too much time teaching it to come to heel.

Having no joy in your life is horrible. All the activities that were once so important and now are neglected because we can't find the energy or inclination to do anything.And you are right, things do become a great burden that makes us tired even thinking about it.

I presume you have some support for this depression. Doctor? Psychologist? Counselor? Friends? This is the time when you really need to be able to call on your support system to keep you going. Have you been prescribed medication? It's not for everyone but it does help.

I know it's hard to think about eating properly and getting some exercise into your day. I was eating well and feeling good about myself. Then I fell off the wagon. No idea why. Started to eat all the wrong things and, more significantly, started to feel miserable again. So eat your vegetables and fruit and feel much better. Exercise has a hugely positive effect on the body. Just getting out of the house and walking round the block really helps.

If the household chores are getting too much then reduce what you do. Only the essentials or pay someone to do it for you.That's all the practical stuff.

Talking about your feelings is good. If you have good friends and/or family members then talk to them. Talk to us here on BB. Go to the BB cafe on the Community Board forum. It's the last one on the list. Lots of nice people to chat to about anything except mental health. You will get a warm welcome.

What work do you do? Is this full time? It is necessary to put the food on the table, especially as you a son to care for. How old is he?

Would you like to tell us a little more about yourself? Please do.

Mary

[VK]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I actually haven't reached out for support at this stage.

I don't have any friends, I'm a district manager (full time) so all people I meet are people who work for me so I have to keep up professional boundaries. The issues I deal with on a daily basis also present challenges for me battling what I am going through - trying to keep people happy while getting results etc.

ironically my sister is a professional psychologist, but I find she has little time for hearing about how I feel.

I have been separated for 2 years and am with a new partner who has been trying very hard to eliminate household burdens, however we have our own issues in that I don't trust him as I caught him sending distasteful emails to other women 7 months ago.

My son is 5 years old and he is so wonderful - so wonderful that I feel guilt when I see him as I was essentially the one who split our family.

I guess it all adds up... Is this how depression starts?

[White_Rose]

Dear VK

Thanks for your reply. The answer to your last question is "I don't know". The person who finds out what causes depression will make a fortune. There seem to be many reasons, all different and all experienced slightly differently for each person. What we have in common is an agreement that it's horrible and we want it to stop.

It's sad that your personal life is in a tangle. I have no idea how or what to comment about your partner other than to say, why are you still together if you distrust him?

Psychologists are the same as doctors, not supposed to treat people in their own family. It's actually a good rule. Instead, why not ask her for the name of a good psych. Then make an appointment and talk about these problems. I think you will find some relief just in talking to someone not connected to you. I can write to you and am very pleased to do so. But I am not a psychologist. Try getting some professional help. Start with a chat to your doctor.

Your son is at a lovely age. Well I suppose all ages are lovely as our children grow up. I know you want only the best for him. I understand about professional boundaries at work. Do you have contact with anyone else? I think I have already asked that. Apart from work and your son, do you have any other activities. I think you need to have something that interests you and which you enjoy just for it's own sake.

I am going to see my son in a few days time. Very much looking forward to this.

Mary

[Bobbi]

Hi VK, welcome to BB. It's so good you found us. BB is a great place to connect with people who are going through the same or similar as we are going through. There's heaps of information on the website about depression and anxiety.

Have you been to a doctor about the depression and anxiety? There are some very good medications out there to help in the short or long term. A good doctor can also refer you to a psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor who you can talk to and gain some 'tools' to help you cope.

As for trying to find things to enjoy, this can be a difficult thing to do when we're depressed. A psychologist told me once to create a 'ritual' or 'habit' that would become my treat.

For me it was making a cup of tea, sitting down and looking outside at the world. A very simple yet effective way of doing something for me, being kind to myself. While I sit there, I try to think of the good things about myself. It can be very difficult some days to think of anything when the depression is very bad but I've yet to have a day that I can't name at least one thing good about myself.

Creating you're own 'ritual' can take time and it can feel strange at first but as you do this daily or every second day, it gets easier and more meaningful.

There are lots of posts on here with other ideas on how to cope with depression. Reading through other peoples posts has been helpful. Typing a comment in reply can help too. Helping others can sometimes be therapeutic too.

I hope you find some satisfaction in today.