Can some please help me?

sometimesiwanttodisappear · ‎23-10-2018

My parents have been harassing me all this year to get a job, even though they know I have depression and anxiety issues ( they thing that its bullcrap). So last week I was forced to go job hunting and I applied for about 20 jobs, the majority replied that they will not be processing my application any further. I haven't even gotten an Interview yet, and all these jobs were simple retail and customer service jobs. I wanted to go to centerlink to see if they could help me but my mother said that because my family owes a lot of debt to centerlink I wasn't a lowed to go. My parents are always fighting over finances, my mother puts be down the majority of the time. My father says he wishes he never had children especially girls. I think it would be better if I just disappeared that way everyone would be happy. Then again its like I never existed in the first place. I dont even know what love is. I feel so under valued and I just wished I wasn't born.

Jonni · ‎23-10-2018

I can definitely relate as I’ve had similar feelings myself about not being worthy and not wanting to be in the position I was in. I wanted a job more than anything so I could help out with financial difficulties but no matter how hard I tried, no one would hire me.

One night I was chatting with a friend about trying to find work and he suggested I drop my resume in at 10pm in the city. Seemed very dodgy but I got the job at a take away shop. I would work long hours, be one of only 3 female workers and working up to 6 days a week.

I was free. Free from my thoughts, my family putting me down and excluding myself from everything because I didn’t feel happy and didn’t want to fake it. After 3 years I got another job when I wasn’t even looking for one, and started working full time, and part time at the take away place.

Not even a year into working full time I caused a car accident (running late to work) luckily I was the only one injured. Skip 3 years forward I’m no longer working, attempted studying and was unable to continue and now the only thing that keeps me sane and happy is visiting my family.

They are so understanding of so many things as soon as I opened up to them about how I really feel. And it ... well they literally saved my life.

If I didn’t have their support, love and encouragement, I wouldn’t be where I am today. There is always hope and someone who will listen and understand.

therising · ‎23-10-2018

Hi sometimes

I know you are valuable for you have much to offer in life. Often we can simply be in the wrong environment, one which fails to bring out the best in us and one that can have great impact our mental well-being. As far as love goes, I always insist that love is to be found in evolution. Again, if we are stuck in an environment which does not encourage a positive form of evolution, we will not be feeling the love (for our self or others). Many problems can be linked to environmental influence.

Sounds like you are taking on a lot of responsibility:

With a lack of support from family (due to their ignorance regarding the workings and impact of depression) you are being expected to take on responsibility for your own mental health
You are being asked to take partial responsibility for your parents' debt (by being told to not use a valuable resource - Centrelink)
You are taking responsibility in coping with your parents' arguments. Being a mum, I believe parents are responsible for creating a stress free environment for their kids
You are taking responsibility for coping with your parents' mental abuse towards you. The role of a parent is one of guidance and guardianship, not abuse

You've taken on responsibility for incredible challenges, whereas your parents seem to be taking little responsibility in regard to the destructive roles they are playing in your life.

With the job hunt, don't lose heart. My daughter, who is a seriously charismatic creature, took a while to get her first job. The down side to the job hunt in this day and age involves there being very few walk in applications. The truth is we sell our self best in person. We now live in an era where first appearance happens through computer application (there's no chance to really sell our self when we're just words on a screen to an employer). It's pretty messed up in my opinion.

Regarding a constructive form of responsibility, try pinpointing areas for personal growth (self-love is found in personal evolution). With mental health, speak to a trusted GP who can refer you for the help and guidance you so desperately need and deserve. You can tell your parents you need to see the doctor because you feel unwell, you wouldn't be lying. You don't need to explain to them that it's about your mental health.

Might sound a bit weird for me, a stranger, to say I love you but I do and it's because I'm now invested in your evolution. I long for you to grow, to realise your true value.

Take care

monkey_magic · ‎23-10-2018

I'll send some love your way too 🙂

Life can be messed up but take heart bcas most things don't last forever.

It can take loads and loads of applications to get an interview but keep trying girl, don't give up. You might have to work on your cover letter and resume.

Centrelink can link u up with a job network provider that can help u look for work. The job network provider can link u up with a councillor too, mine did for free. Sounds like it would be good for u to have that support, but yeah u have to go through centrelink. I'm not sure what your parents debt has to do with u though. If they're running from it it'll catch up with them eventually.

There are a lot of adults out there under financial stress and it sounds like your parents are going through their struggles and taking it out on you. Don't pay attention to it if u can. What you think about yourself ( your inner voice) can be louder. Their mess is their mess not yours. You need to be focussing on feeling better about yourself and hopefully gaining some financial independence one day.

Perhaps you could go to the library and borrow books on how to beat depression/ anxiety, look online and even research cover letter and resume writing.

Take your time with everything too 🙂

Life sounds pretty hard for you at the moment. Hang in there though. Your priority is you right now and we will support you as best as we can.

Write in here whenever you need to and we will do our best to support you.