Broke and depressed

[CandieX]

Hi there.

So I have gotten myself in a terrible situation. I have managed to get in debt $21 000 overseas.

I met a guy here in London and I now live with him. Since I can’t work here I have managed to accumulate slot of debt.

I am very depressed and know I should go back to Australia to get a job and pay it back but my boyfriend is here and I don’t want to leave him. But every day I am stressed about money.

I used to look after myself ie buy nice clothes and get my nails done ect but I can’t do any of that anymore because I have no money.

The thought of going back to Australia isn’t good as if have to move back in with my parents and get a crap job. And I’m 24 and I feel like I’m starting over again.

Please someone help me.

Ive never felt this low or hopless in my life.

[therising]

Hi CandieX

I hear your stress and I feel for you regarding the situation you're in. It's tough when our mind is so divided, in so many ways. Wondering if there is anyone back home, who knows you well, who you can speak to (mum, dad, uncle, aunt etc). It doesn't matter how old we are, we all need some guidance now and then. A trusted source of guidance and a supportive voice often adds a light to our path in life, especially when it comes to those forks which demand that we choose which way to go. Also wondering if you can apply for a work visa or return home briefly and then apply for the visa before going back (not sure how all that stuff works).

I think, the toughest choices in life come down to letting go of our identity to various degrees, especially when our identity offers us love and excitement (London in your case). 'Who am I going to be if I am not experiencing this love and excitement? I will be someone who is starting over with a crap job.' The truth is, if you decide to return home, you will be a different person returning to a place of security to alleviate the stresses associated with debt, which can offer an element of excitement when you start to see the debt reduce in size. When logic and emotion are competing with each other, it's like trying to stop a fight you feel you have no control over. With 'Control' simply defined as 'effective management', I ask what is the thing you most need to effectively manage, in your opinion? If you give priority to this, you will feel more in control of things.

At the end of the day, you have a tough decision to make either way. Either way, you will possibly be dealing with elements of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance). Keep in mind that it is the acceptance aspect you will be aiming for - accepting the debt and living with it and the stresses that come with it or accepting that moving home will eliminate the debt and the stresses that come with it. Ultimately it is your decision to make. Personally, I'm a responsible 48yo mother of 2 teenagers and there are still times when I wish I could have my parents make the hard decisions for me. So much easier when we were kids, hey?!

Take care of yourself CandieX

[CandieX]

Thank you so much for your kind message that made me make more sense out of things. I still have no yet decided on what I am doing but I will read your message over and over as it is helping me to understand my situation better and see the positives.

I cannot not thank you enough.

Candie.

[geoff]

Hello Candie, therising and I seem to reply on similar threads and once again on yours.

The debt you are in must be causing a lot of anxiety and stress for yourself, but we know how easy it is to rack up a high credit card if we are given the chance, the bank will only give you more credit, this same problem happened to a friend of mine who racked up 3 times the amount you owe, because he kept paying the monthly premium off with one card after another card.

He was gambling on the machines etc and the only way was to make him go bankrupt, all the money was owed to the banks, managed to get him a unit with Human Services, and now the time period has expired.

I'm not suggesting this at all because there are businesses that can manage this debt for you, if you decide to do this, it will then stop all those letters and phone calls you maybe getting on a daily basis.

The other option is that this debt will be sold off to 'debt collectors' who will accept a lower amount if you can pay the debt off straight away, sometimes this isn't possible, so they will make you another offer, so in other words, the payment would be less than $21000.

Hope this helps you but please get back to us.

Geoff.