Lost and hopeless

[Lilac1]

I don’t know quite what to say or if anyone will listen. Finding the words to describe how I’m feeling is difficult.

Maybe I’ll just share some quotes I’ve found to describe how I feel...

”have you ever been so sad it physically hurts inside.”

“I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

“But, I mean who would be in love with me? That’s stupid.”

“How can I go forward when I don’t know which way I’m facing?”

“Stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.”

“I can’t unlove you.”

“It hurts, it hurts a lot. But I’ll keep it to myself so it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

“I disappoint myself.”

“Maybe I deserve all this.”

I’m so lost, my brain vs my heart. I know I should stay positive and it will get better but on days like this when you feel low and down you don’t know how it will. I read positive quotes and listen to advice and know it’s true but I still don’t fully believe it.

I want to be happy, and it’s hard when you see others that seem to have everything you want but I know in real life everyone struggles. I hate feeling like this, so down, so lonely, so useless and not wanted. I stay in my room and hide because I don’t want my family to see, they are happy and if I made them worried or sad I would be worse because them being happy, makes me feel better, at least a little.

I don’t really know why I’m on here writing this, I don’t know what I’m expecting to get out of this, maybe just to not keep it inside. I’m trying to be strong but today life’s just got the best of me. I feel stupid for feeling like this when there’s worse things happening to other people.

Sorry if this made no sense or was negative, I’m not the type of person who expresses myself.

[Ads1]

Hey There,

Feeling the same way at the moment. Please note you are not the only one out there feeling this way.

Don't be afraid to tell someone close (Family Member). Yes they will be concerned but they may also be great support. I also was too afraid at first to tell anyone but talking has always helped me since opening up to my family.

Sorry I don't have much else to offer but you may just be surprised.

Wishing you well

[Chloe_M]

Hi there

Lilac1 hello, i haven't seen you before so hi my name's chloe and i'm a high school student with major depression, generalised anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, trichotillomania and very mild anorexia.

Ad's welcome to the forum family, we are glad to have you on board the ship!

Ok, so Lilac, you say towards the end of your post that you don't really know what you're expecting to get out of it. Deep down, is this the truth? Are you looking for someone to listen? Someone to relate with? Think about it. Deep down i think you might find the answer.

If you are indeed looking for a relater/listener, you have come to the right place. I will do both for you and anyone else in need. I relate to every single one of those quotes. I am tired of pretending to be okay, tired of saying 'I'm fine' and having people say 'okay' instead of 'no you're not'. I'm tired of being like this; i want a change *i gesture to all of me*. I have short-lived moments of happiness where i am just in the moment, but most the time i am numb. but this isn't about me. its about you Lilac1. about how to help you.

Don't feel stupid about feeling the way you do. you cannot help feeling anything. it is out of your control. completely. so don't beat yourself up about it. There is no problem to big or to small. i used to think that i was stupid. a teenager depressed about a break up. stupid as it gets. but push that aside, its really not. what you are going through is not stupid at all.

what keeps you in your room? is it because you are depressed, or is it fear keeping you there? Fear of your parents/partner/kids (whoever you live with) actually finding out whats going on maybe? I hide and have become a good actress- i can hide anything. the one time i let down my guard and actually was depressed (and myself) in front of my mum she told me to snap out of my bad mood.

damn ive gone on about myself again. i am so sorry

all im trying to say is that i am here and you are not the only one feeling like this. also like what Ad's said you should mention something to a family member.

Take care x

chloe 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Lilac1~

I read another post of yours saying you had tightness in the chest and wondered if it was anxiety or something else.

If I've read correctly you have been to the doctor about this and found nothing physically wrong, and anxiety being suggested as the cause. As that was a couple of years ago if it was me I'd get it checked again, just in case. Even so I'd imagine you are already pretty convinced it is anxiety.

As someone else with an anxiety condition I've been for multiple test and they have all come back negative for a variety of physical symptoms including tightness of chest, heart racing, shortness of breath, feeling remote and dizzy plus other things. They are horrible and at the start these were very frightening as I thought I was having a heart attack or similar. Now when I have one I know it is only a 'flight or fight' reaction gone wrong and use controlled breathing and remembering I've been there before to calm me down.

There are various remedies suit different people to combat panic attacks and stress. Apart from at the time of an attack leading a lifestyle that avoids stress where possible is helpful. Exercise, particularly when tense or worried, is excellent, even going for a walk like I try to do. Decent nutrition and sleep as best you can (see 'sleep hygiene' in The Facts menu above.

It's important to have things everyday to look forward to and take your mind out of life's worries, I use books and movies - do you have anything similar?

From your post I'm not certain if you are being treated for anxiety or not. If you are I guess it needs reviewing, and if not then now would be a good time to start. Even though you are reluctant to worry your parents I'd suggest a visit to your GP will confirm what is wrong and may start you on treatment to feel a lot better (as I do)

Croix