BPD and crippling anxiety and depression

Anon64 · ‎05-04-2019

Hello,

i have suffered from mental illness for as long as I can remember. Recently after a mental break I was diagnosed with BPD. Around this time I left my husband and since have suffered intense shame, guilt, constant clipping anxiety. I have a new relationship which brings its own challenges and I emotionally react to every slight thing. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m tired of being afraid. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight from physical illness from the anxiety. I have a Gp I take meds and see a psych but nothing has seemed to bring any relief. I have a ok relationship with my ex because of our 2 boys we need to stay in contact even though I have hurt him severely. My new partner is great for the most part but I’m mentally splitting a lot and on eggshells because I cant handle the pain of upsetting him or him being annoyed with me over anything. I seek validation from others constantly and letting people down sends me into a spiral. I want to feel better but I’m almost convinced this is the way I’m going to live. Surviving every day struggling to breathe trying to calm down constant panic attacks. I’m so tired I don’t want to live like this.

MeganMe · ‎06-04-2019

I'm not sure I can help much, but I can so relate to so much of what you said.

There are some amazing folks on this board (I'm new here, too) who have some great tips and offer amazing support.

All I can really do is offer the few sort of "crutches" I use when the panic threatens to overcome me - I crochet, because it keeps my hands busy, is very repetitive and kind of distracting. I listen to audiobooks as I do it, or watch mindless TV. I also couldn't get by without my dogs, who are terribly naughty, but very good at reducing my stress levels by just laying on my feet.

If you're not getting anything from the GP, meds and psych you're seeing, maybe try a new one? I know how hard that is. I saw a new psych today for the first time, and was utterly terrified, but he turned out to be really lovely, and I felt really comfortable with him.

As trite as this sounds, I truly hope you feel better soon x

Anon64 · ‎15-04-2019

Thank you for your ideas. I’m heading to see my gp today which I’m very anxious about. It’s hard to know where to start. There’s so much that triggers me so frequently.