Anxiety depression I don't know?

[Mich1]

Well this is hard and has my nerves on edge putting this in to words is a lot harder.

I have always though i had anxiety maybe depression.

I hate going out, I never go anywhere I I've not been before I have arguments with my partner because they won't walk in to a new place first especially restdraunts incase I do it wrong which often leads to just leaving. Or if I say the wrong thing I obsess over it for ages thing that happened years ago I still obsess over.

I am pretty good when I am not along in a group I can feel normal and happy but then after I feel empty. So empty but I know I shouldn't I have a job, a partner, I know what I want to achieve. But I get so overwhelmingly heavy is the only way to describe it. Like something is sitting in my chest and stomach and I just don't want to move. 

Then I think maybe I am faking it. I don't know why how can I be faking this feeling of emptiness but I think that and I don't know what to do what If I decided to talk to someone and they think I am a joke and am faking it. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is many reasons for the symptoms you describe like anxiety, depression, social phobias and so forth. We cant diagnose here as we Community Champions have mental health issues ourselves and advise others due to our lived experiences.

However, we can relate to you more than others likely can. In terms of your self doubt and lack of confidence, fear of tripping up when you go out and socialise, this is real and you doubting the authenticity is not unusual for someone with your symptoms. Mental challenges like anxiety can transform to physical symptoms like compressed feeling in your chest, fear, doubts and guilt. All these feelings are serious and should be treated by professionals. The longer you leave it the worse they become.

There is optimism in treatment for these illnesses. It can be a slow process and thats why psychologists etc take long periods to treat people but it can transform your life so you end up within the boundaries of normality and thats worth the effort.

Obsessing over things past is also common. Gee, I obsessed over a fight I had with a fellow Air Foce colleague so much so when Facebook came out I messaged him to say sorry and it was 40+ years since it happened. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/who-cries-over-spilt-milk/td-p/43088#:~:text=That's....

This is all to do with guilt and again, they are all serious problems.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

So, feel free to repost and provide more information. I'm here daily and others might comment. It's a friendly place and above all it is safe 24/7/365 and anontmous.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Mich1

Sometimes I think one of the hardest things to do in life is work our self out - 'Why do I do what I do? Why do I feel the way I feel? Why do I struggle so much with certain things?' and the list goes on. I feel for you so much on your journey of greater self understanding.

Walking into a room ahead of someone can be challenging for a variety of reasons and if no one can find the reasons for such a struggle (our self included), everything appears as unreasonable. A couple of good reasons as to why it can be so hard

1. We may never have been taught or conditioned to do it easily. Maybe we've always had other people leading the way (into a room). Maybe we've always relied on the person ahead of us to break the ice with the person or group of people we're approaching in that room. In this case it may be about a lack of practice, skill, strategy and confidence, which can lead to stress and/or low self esteem and doubt in our abilities
2. We may be highly sensitive to sensory stimulation. If the room is overwhelmingly loud or the number of people is a lot for our brain to be reading/processing, focusing largely on the person leading the way can act as a handy distraction (a method of managing how we feel and read the room)

Not sure if it will help to look as obsessing over certain things said as 'Continuously trying to make sense of things until they're made sense of'. 'What led me to say such a thing?' needs and answer. No good someone saying 'You just need to stop obsessing over it and get on with life'. Our inner analyst can be like a dog with a bone, it will just not let go at times (until the answer is found).

Being a highly sensitive gal, I can sense or feel things quite easily at times. It's not always easy to identify what it is I'm sensing/feeling. At times it can become tormenting trying to work out what it's about. It's like I can sense/feel an up shift when I'm amongst certain people and then when I return home I can feel a downshift. Getting a better sense of what that downshift or down is about can be a challenge. Could it be feeling our self coming out of a high, feeling our self returning to a place that brings us down in some way, feeling our self returning to a lack of distraction when it comes to managing challenging or depressing inner dialogue or could it be something else? Sensing or feeling up shifts and downshifts so easily can feel like an emotional roller coaster at times but at the end of the day being able to say 'I'm a natural born feeler' can help explain the intensity of it all. How to feel strategically can become the ultimate challenge.