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Anger issues caused by dwindling self-esteem?

Community Member

Growing up I am often criticized whenever I do not achieve the best. My parents were raised in a culture of humility and they are practically the epitome of such. A habit has been to diminish me so much while listening to other people exaggerate their talents. As a teen I got into frequent internal conflicts because I had believed that they only wanted to please their friends and make them feel more important than they are by bringing themselves and me down. It was a tormenting process for me to get used to  because to me my parents' opinions worth more than anyone else's. My motivation died because I felt indescribably insecure and their doubts towards me gradually turned into me doubting myself. Since the beginning of 2022 I often lash out on people for questioning what I say, I hate disagreements, I hate people rejecting my opinions and I made myself narcissistic and brutal. It is needed for me to reassure myself all the time by doing better and better and better until I forget why I'm even doing things at all. But after achieving something I feel so out of everything because my life has no excitement, no socialization, no pets. I'm so young but my life's nothing other than the split second of adrenaline rush before reaching a temporary goal. I can't even give myself a meaning.


This is probably my longest rant ever.

2 Replies 2

Dear dead_cactus
We are so glad you felt able to reach out and share your experience and want you to know that this is a safe space to be able to do so.
There are many reasons as to why your parents chose to communicate in the way that they did, for example, due to cultural norms, past trauma or other life stressors.  In saying that, it does not mean that it was ok for this to happen to you; shaming and humiliating a child can have long-term devastating effects.  Children deserve and are entitled to reach out and bond with their caretakers and we expect that the parent will provide acceptance, protection and safety.  By being denied this, tells that child in you that you’re unlovable and might explain why you respond to others in the way that you are. The best way to start healing is to love yourself more.  We have included a resource below that you might find helpful whilst you wait for a response from other community members:
Self Compassion Exercises
Please be kind to yourself; if you ever need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a lovely support; who are wise and have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
Sophie M

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi dead_cactus


You have such great insight, understanding a number of the factors that have brought you to this point. I feel for you so deeply as your torment pushes you to move beyond this point in ways that give your life greater meaning.


I've discovered how the ability to emotionally detach in service to self can be liberating, helping in managing mental well being. In the process of mastering emotional detachment, I've found myself crossing the line sometimes. I've even asked my 19yo daughter and 17yo son on occasion 'Am I too detached under the circumstances?'. Most often they've said 'No' but on occasion 'Yes', based on their opinion. I can't always see it for myself. So, I get a 2nd opinion from those I trust. Emotional detachment's an ability but when taken to the extreme it can cause problems.


I've found one of the problems is...I can't feel certain connections I need to be able to feel. In other words, I can't feel my way through life effectively. This can be tormenting at times, as I happen to be a gal who's a feeler and I rely on my feelings. I have to be able to feel if someone's degrading, so I can manage their degradation effectively. I need to be able to feel someone's suffering, for me to know they're suffering, so I can help make a difference to them. The list goes on. Feelings and emotions: Feeling what energy's in motion in your body. Complete emotional detachment switches off the ability to feel certain charges.


If you consider your ability to feel degradation you'd know it has a down feel to it. Pure inspiration has an up feeling that charges you up. A mind altering revelation also has a feel to it. When something 'rings true', personally it gives me a chill. Then you've got what's neutral, which may involve words people say that have no charge at all. A rise to courage, a heartbreaking comment thrown our way, an absolute buzz of excitement etc, you can feel it all.


To call someone out on a heartbreaking or degrading comment you feel is good for self-esteem. If they say 'You're too sensitive' an effective response would be 'Well, if you can't feel what you just said to me, I'd say you're not sensitive enough'.