All alone...so hard to find strength when you're lonely

[Annabelle1234]

Hi my name is Annabelle

This is my first time on here. I'm sitting up in bed typing this as I have looked up 100s of tactics online to get to sleep with the way I'm feeling but no luck. 

I am a naturally outgoing, confident person socially. I dedicated my life to fitness last year joined a gym where it was very tight not community and felt a had a purpose in life. Before this time I had depression (episodes of it throughout the year). Once I found a purpose nothing could stop me. I was in my last year of uni and wanted to become a therapist once I graduated. I worked as a disability carer and felt like the world was my oyster. I had friends around me, I was happy and positive and ready for anything.

 This year rolled around. I started becoming obsessive over my body. Lost a guy I was Marley in love with you never really loved me back. Started tormenting myself about my weight gain. Couldn't get a graduate job and keep receiving the same comments for my interviews. Still work as a carer and feel overqualified and useless.

My social circle has diminished into two close friends. I dread the weekend as I don't have anyone to do anything with. I sleep till midday on the weekends and when I don't have work I will sleep most of the day through. 

I have tried getting new trainers, applying for more jobs, seeing a psychologist, changing my medications, trying to figure out how to meet people, reaching out to old friends (who have moved on and have their own friends and are happy).

 I'm sad because I feel like no one wants or cares about me. I don't know how to meet people except for saving up and traveling (which I am doing).

Sorry for the rant but I just wanted to see if anyone else has these issues.

I look like a social person yet spend my weekends all alone.

I feel useless, no one cares I have nothing to show for everyone is traveling and enjoying their life while I'm in a rut.

i want to enjoy my life and it's so hard to look up and be positive about it all.

iv started binging on food and doing drugs here and there to elevate my mood bust in the end I'm all alone. 

[Neil_1]

Dear Annabelle

Welcome to B.B. and thank you for coming here and providing your post.   

I’m a fitness freak also, and I get to my gym at least on 6 days a week – and I have my own goals as well, so I’m constantly working towards those;  plus a workout book that I’ve designed up, so even each gym session can become its own little goal target.  I’ve kind of made it my lifestyle as well, so going hand in hand with gym sessions is to have a good food set up as well – so the nutrition side of things.  I kind of think, ok, my mind is gawn and mentally shot, but at least I can have some control over my physique and body.

I’m intrigued about who you said you found a purpose in life (no doubt some fitness related goals?) last year.  May I ask what the purpose was or of the (perhaps) goals that you set for yourself?

Did it come crashing down due to the relationship break up?

I can see a lot of positives here though Annabelle;  firstly your decision to come here is a very positive step;  but also other things as well.  You’ve mentioned you have a job and that is a very good thing – and that tells me that you are NOT useless.  You’ve also said you feel overqualified and useless in the same sentence.  This can’t possibly be – because you’ve studied and had the intelligence to do so and to become ‘qualified’, so in my book that rules you out of being useless.  Please don’t be using that word again about yourself.  Please.  🙂

Friends can be a tricky one – depression/mental health issues, that usually tests the strength of friendship – the true ones stay;  the others who go;  well to me, they probably weren’t worth that much energy anyway.  You have mentioned that you’ve got two – which is awesome.

Another thing to mention – you said about wishing to be like other people who in their lives seem to be happy and enjoying things;  and yes, while that is no doubt true for some;  for others, we know that it is not.  Depression and mental health issues affect around 1 in five people;  so just when you are in a crowd, a mall, a shopping centre, whatever – look around and even though people may appear to be happy on the outside, inside it is a far different matter.  Most people just are wearing a ‘public mask’ to shield the general population from their own struggles.

I could write more, but am running out of room – but would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Annabelle1234]

Thank you Neil, that was all so kind of you to share and feedback to me.

To answer your question, my goal was to be super fit then I decided to compete in a fitness modeling competition. This took up my whole life as you can imagine but I loved every minute of it. I was the center of attention my focus was undisturbed by anyone. All my friends looked up to me and wanted to look like me. I was no longer the 'bigger girl' that I was in high school. I was fit and healthy. But my mind was all over the place and I was to focused to realize till the high came crashing down. The guy I was with I did everything for to be perfect but we didn't work out. Our personalities didn't match we just had an attaraction to eachother.

After my competition I was always complaining about looking fat and gaining weight. I look back and realize I was still looking great but I let myself be fooled into thinking I wasn't. I would secretly chew and spit my food out which I didn't want to intake because of its calorie content. from this point I started feeling worried about my weight gain because of my secret and I couldn't control it. I still battle with it but I have now also started majorly losing my motivation and passion for gym. I have left that gym because the guy I was in love with works there and is now in a loving relationship with another trainer who works there. Apart from them I had all my fitness friends at that gym. It was my main support network and everything came crashing down since then.

i can't land a job, I have spent half the year obsessing about my body and weight gain and the other half giving up and eating shit. I'm currently trying to schedule myself into gym so I start getting a routine back and not worrying about how crap I look and how much I've let myself go. i have met so many shit guys this year that I don't bother with that area of my life. I have trialled medications which have made me drowsy or have made my anxiety worse. I am currently in the middle of working this out with my doctor and I should be seeing him this week ASAP. Thats a further summary of how things are going. I avoid social situations because I have nothing to talk about and I feel like I'm looking for myself and have completely lost stability for who I am as a person. May dad got diagnosed with cancer he had something removed and I am waiting for the results.Thanks for listening. 

Annabelle

[Neil_1]

Hi Annabelle

Great to hear back from you.

What you’ve recently experienced is such a common thing - it affects both sexes as well.  I’ve also spoken with a number of past participants in fitness modelling/physique comps & bodybuilding comps & have heard major struggles with how the ‘aftermath’ of competing affects them.  I’ve competed in bodybuilding for 6 years - it’s amazing just how much it affects both the body (duh, obviously) but also the mind.  Stressing about every little thing in your preparation and diet, sessions in the gym etc.

Having your gym be pretty much not available to you, I can see that would be difficult and almost “not fair” either.

Is the other gym that you’re hopefully going to go to, is it close by?  Is there a possibility that one of your close friends could go along with you when you first commence at the new gym?  Just a thought?

You’ve mentioned that you’ve wanted to be fit & healthy & that you competed in a fitness modelling competition.  So you know the drill, you know how to do things and what’s needed to get to that level.  Now that level is an elite level where only very few people get too – basically cause it’s so damn hard;  otherwise there’d be so many others who would be doing it.

So first of all, you’ve got to take a breath, sit back and say to yourself (possibly in your mind and not out loud – though if you want to, that’s cool as well);  “Annabelle, you’ve been there and done it girl and to get to that level is a bloody phenomenal achievement, something that most people could only dream of doing, but you’ve completed that and you should be damn proud of yourself about that”.

Secondly, because of your gym sessions and fitness lifestyle, I believe you’ll be able to slot back into the gym environment very easily and get back on track in that respect.  Remember, create little goals.  Also with the shit eating – if you’re not in competition mode, then don’t beat yourself up about that.  Your metabolism will take care of that, and as you workout more, that side of things will be all taken care of as well.

I want to write so much more, but my counter is almost up.

Please keep up with your doctor’s appointments – there’s so many medications out there, so perhaps a change could prove beneficial.

I also have my fingers crossed for you with regard to the results of your Dad’s recent procedure.

Would love to hear from you again

Neil