Hi, welcome
From what you've written I can see, from an outsiders viewpoint, that you do lack a few things in your life that will make it more fulfilling.
In these situations we can look at the common conventional activities that make us feel worthy and valued. The problem is at the moment depending on your location, is the lockdowns. That aside these are the things that are most comm0on in terms of occupying ourselves-
- Hobbies
- Sports participating or barracking
- Gardening
- Computer games even internationally
- Further education
- Volunteer work to help others
This topic is of interest to me because I had a problem when young. I was bored, boredom led to depression and that led to a downward spiral of which it seems, you are experiencing now. My remedy then was- model airplanes. I could fly them at a club so I mixed with others and I could build them at home in comfort.
There is always negatives like the expense. Any sport costs money. Tennis, football, model airplanes or cars and so on all are pricey activities. I'm about to embark on building a model car racing track and that will cost $2000 just to set up then the ongoing costs.
Anyhow, once you have some variety in life and keep active, you wont sit on your bed and brood, you'll be excited in going the next step on your hobby. It would be good to think about if you've ever had a passion and return to it. Or meet new friends. Unfortunately action is the answer and the more we dont take action the less chance of change. This falls in the area of positive thinking and motivation- both areas that I have huge amount of experience in. I'm 65yo now but when 26yo I went through similar to you, experiences of despair and lack of direction. I attended a motivational speech and it changed my life. You can read it here-
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life
I hope that helps. Feel free to repost.
TonyWK
