9 year battle and still counting

[Imas]

I am so pleased to have found a forum as tonight was one of the lowest points I have been in for over three months now. Since 15 years old I have suffered from Major Depression. I am a practicing nurse and chose this path to learn more in-depth about why my mind works how it does. I don't have a bad story, I had a beautiful upbringing in a wonderful family, with no bad turns happening throughout growing up. I did always have issues keeping friends, purely because at 15 I felt like I was too tired to bother with anybody. From then on I have been on a rollercoaster of constant emotions with nothing slowing it down. I have tried to observe for triggers, but with no avail. The most frustrating part is I had nothing to be upset about but I still feel to this day that my world crashes down around me for no reason. The current trigger is my father's health, but he is alive and for that I am so thankful - but I still feel extremely emotional. I look into the future and think about where I will be - I am engaged to an amazing boy who I couldn't complain about. But when I look into the future, I don't see one. It's like I would rather disappear and end this uphill battle because it's the same thing repeating itself month in month out. I am here because I need help. I need to know how long term sufferers are handling and coping with this everyday because this past month I have given up. My last option is to reach out because I have nobody who understands how this feels and how much I want to be better but it's not as easy as snapping out of it. So I have three questions. With severe depressive episodes - how do you cope?. With constant relapses into depressive episodes, how did you delay the relapse if it is possible? && Final question - I have refused to be put onto medications, should I take this path? I know it will help I want to know what you are taking if you could share this information with me 😞

Thank you wonderful people and god bless

[blondguy]

Hello Imas and Welcome to the Beyond Blue Community. My name is Paul

The emotional lows can be dreadful as they make everything seem so bleak and dark. I have had depression for many years and have had success in reducing the dark phases you mentioned.

How do I cope? Depression is an illness, no different to diabetes or heart disease and should be treated as such. I used to be anti-meds as well until my female GP asked me "Paul why are you so special that you dont have to take medication for an illness? Do I get all my diabetic and hypertensive patients to come off their meds?" I then took the script and realised that I had been wasting years going through all these dark days and anguish thinking that I could just use coping mechanisms..

The meds only help make the lows not as low....and provide you with a platform on which you can heal further. They are not a total fix but will give you a more consistent mood variable without the super lows.

Delaying a relapse is a tough one but a decent quality sleep, being reasonably fit....all help with seeing a therpist on a regular basis is crucial. Approx every two months is ideal (or more if you wish). Even seeing a good GP for a tune up every 6 months is a great way to vent and take some of the edge off.

The meds really can be a game changer here. They have been improved a great deal and are more effective than years ago. Combined with a good therapist and GP you will feel better and have more energy to help yourself heal even further.

You have great strength and courage by posting and having the will to heal yourself. I hope your dad gets better! The current 'very emotional' mindset and the generally 'bleak' feelings you can be helped so much by a visit to your doc and having a chat about the meds, even if you start on a minor dosage you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. This illness needs crutches just like a broken leg. The meds are my crutches and have given me so much of my life back. Just my humble opinion of course.

It would be great if you could post back as many times as you wish. There are many kind people that can be here for you 🙂

My Kind Thoughts for You

Paul

[geoff]

hello Imas, how true Paul is 'the meds are my crutches and have given me so much of my life back', because if we have a broken leg how do we move around and with antidepressants how are we able to face the massive mental problems that we are struggling with, and the answer to both these is NO.
We always feel worried when one of our parents is ill, that is if you have had a good relationship with them, and that's happening now with you, so I hope that he does get much better.
I know both my two sons worry about me, and often tell me to do this or that, as they both live a distance from me.
With depression we can't look into the future, we don't have the inclination or desire to want to even think about what is going to happen in the future, because we don't have the strength.
How do you cope, well each person is different, some have caring people who try and get you to go out with them, and we make sure that we keep appointments up to see your doctor and psychologist, as you have to realise that each day for you is going to be a little different, in other words depression just doesn't keep you in one state of mind, one day you can't get out of bed, while the next day you can, and something might come up that really upsets you, so you become worse and react accordingly, while another day is just bland, or an even depression where you don't go up or down, it's just plain depression.
With relapses it is so difficult to delay them, they just appear, and that's when you then need to contact your support group as well as your doctor/psychologist, support group meaning a family or friend that you feel comfortable talking to.
When I have a relapse I know that they will only last a few days, so I do what ever suits me, but without pushing myself, and to refuse medications is a decision you make, but it would be against what your doctor or psychologist would recommend, sure ther maybe fears of side-effects, but all of us have had to cope with these, and yes they aren't nice, and you may have to try several different types, before you find the one that suits you, but when you look at the benefits of taking AD nd getting on with life to not taking them and still caught up in the blacl hole, then the answer is obvious. Geoff. x