10 Things I Hate About Depression

[Sparkles183]

1) I hate the way I am crying inside and I do not know when I will stop.

2) I hate the person who I have become and I am not the person I used to be.

3) I hate that I feel I no longer have purpose in life and my goals is no longer the same.

4) I hate the fact no matter what treatment I try everything seems to get worse.

5) I hate it when the people around me rejects and abandons me when I need them most.

6) I hate that I have been bullied by professional’s the people who I supposed to trust most.

7) I hate the last 6 months of my life it has relay been hell

😎 I hate the fact that I am haunted by the images and thoughts of self-harm and suicide on a regular bases although I can control the urges and know I never do it.

9) I hate that I am alone in this fight and no one is with me.

10) But most of all I hate the fact that I cannot longer fight this on my own and I need all the help I can get.....

[AGrace]

Hi Sparkes183,

I think you've come up with a pretty good list here, and all of us would probably agree with all of your points. I do wonder though what would happen if you changed the beginning if each sentence from I hate to I can accept?

AGrace

[Mel__F]

Wow reading these posts for the 1st time I see I'm not alone, my silent thought arnt so silent, I hope there is peace for all of us

[white knight]

Hi Sparkles

Amber had a good point there.

In life there are balances. Most things need that balance....just like your bank account needs to be at least 51% of saving and 49% or less of spending or you are in trouble.

If you have all these issues with depression there has to be, at some point, some rebound, some defence or some counter measures or we go further down and further still.

This is why the thread on this forum are filled with positive ideas and comments. Ways to take baby steps towards your ultimate goal what ever that might be. One MUST fight all the bad urges one feels, press on, force yourself to do pleasant things during the day.

We all know it isnt easy. If it was easy Beyond Blue would simply print a flyer and not have a forum.

With the mix of medication, determination, positivity, therapy, forums, accepting most people dont "get it" and surrounding yourself with caring people....you can rebound.

Then, as Amber suggested, you will write your post differently.

[Sparkles183]

Hi Mel

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

I just want to let you know that you that you are not alone. And if you ever need someone to vent too I am here.

people on this forum keep telling me there is light at the end of the tunnel it is something I am yet to see. but I believe there is hope for us all..

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Hi AGrace and White Knight

Maybe you are right I do need to learn to accept it. But how can I accept it if sometimes I still feel I walk in denial?

I have been thinking lately maybe I am trying to fight too hard and that is why I am getting so exhausted and frustrated

this has not been an easy ride for me and the only support network I have is my GP and this forum, my best friend knows I have been treated for anxiety but apart from that I have kept everything well hidden. 

The people on this forum has been amazing and been helping me a lot and I relay do appreciate the support I have got on here.

These things may take a while for me to accept, but the 2 things I will never accept is that I have been haunted with the thoughts and images of self-harm and suicide almost every day and some times more. Although they are only thoughts and I know nothing will happen I hate them.

And I will never aspect that I feel I no longer have purpose in life. But now I feel comfortable talking about them  and I might have to talk to my new psychologist about them when I see her for the first time next month.  

I have been trying to think positive and taking myself on regular outings and trying my 2nd medication. I think the biggest thing I need to accept is it takes time…Thank you so much for your support

 Sparkles

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[white knight]

Living proof!!

That is the evidence of the light at the end of the tunnel.

12 medications, numerous therapy sessions, move to the country, partial withdrawal from clubs and people as a whole.

I'm reasonably comfortable now. Life is good with only the odd hiccup. My illnesses- bipolar 2, dysthymia, depression and anxiety.

Tony

[Sparkles183]

WOW that is Awesome Tony

I just finished writing a reply to you from your post earlier today but I think it is going through the system and may take a while to appear. thank you sharing your story about the evidence of the light at the end of the tunnel it is really encouraging

Sparkles   

[geoff]

dear Sparkles, yes there is ' evidence of the light at the end of the tunnel', after I was diagnosed with depression back in '95, but had it for much longer.

Of course people who have depression can never believe that there is a way out or that there is that light, and that's understandable, I was no different, my psychologist kept on telling me that I will be able to overcome, I never ever believed her, I trusted her and really liked her and had seen her for 20 odd years, and she was right, just out of nowhere, maybe for a reason or maybe not, the world was lifted off my shoulders, and I could see again.

Remember my feet were concreted in that dark hole for such a long time, and I would know the same was for Tony and all the others, but it was like magic I broke free, and it will happen for you, at what stage we don't know, but one day you will wake up and feel free from this disease, it just happens. Geoff.

[Mel__F]

Xxxxxxx thank sparkles will be watching, still like you very unsure