Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[White_Rose]

OK Neil,  It's Tuesday not Wednesday, but here for your entertainment is my offering.

The Rope

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.  Ten were men and one woman.  The rope was starting to fray so they all agreed that one person should let go because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and that after all, men were the superior sex and must be saved.

When she finished speaking all the men clapped.

Never underestimate the power of a woman...

Gentlemen, applause please.  Mary

[CrashCoyote]

I decided to do something about my depression and took up an activity. Meditation. My missus said I should do more.I said it was better than me sitting around doing nothing.

[Neil_1]

It's bin a while, so feast your laughing gear around this:

An actor had been out of work for 15 years because he always forgot his lines.

Then one day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for a big part in a play.

All he had to say was “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!

After much worry the actor decided to take  the role. Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!

The time for the entrance finally came and as the actor made his appearance, he heard a loud booooom! He turned around and said, “what the hell was that?”

[HA1]

OK, so its not Wednesday - but it should be.  Because this is a really bad joke:

I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

[Neil_1]

Ok, so I’m one day off, but better to have a funny at anytime, eh people?

“I’m hearing now that they are prescribing Viagra to be issued to the old men in Old People’s homes.

It stops them rolling out of bed at night”.

[blueangel]

Q- What's brown and sticky?

A- A stick

[Beryl]

I know its thursday but so what!  Here is my favourite joke of all time:

               Q.  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

      A.  Two, one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bath with custard!

                     Hugs, beryl

[Beryl]

Well, its saturday, sorry friday, days are such tricky things. Anyway this is the best icould do for a wednesday.

does anyone remember the little old book title jokes from the 70s ?

          Accident on the cliff by Eileen Dover

         Tiger in the bed by Claude Bottom

         The unfinished thriller by Cliff Hanger

         Walk in the woods by Theresa Green

          Going jogging by Tony foot

          Effective door chimes by isabelle Heard

           Desert gardens by Barron Ground

           Saturated fats by Noelene Meats

            Blocked downpipes by Flo Stopped

            Horse drawn transport by Orsen Cart

             Walks on the beach by Sandy Shoes

              Fading away by Peter Out

               De cluttering by Anita House

                Precipitation by April Showers

                High rollers by Iris Kevrything

                Protecting your house from storms by Rufus Blownoff

                The steam era by Ray Ilway

                Law suits by Sue Others and Tess Tiffie

               How to win by Victor ious

               Sunrise by Dawn Breaks

   That was fun, you can just make them up as you go along! 

   Has anyone got any more?  

                Love you all.   Beryl

                         Forgot one!,  gemstones by Beryl !     Lol!

[Neil_1]

Dear all;  I'm back and am delivering this one to hopefully bring a smile to your face ...

On a busy road, a drunk is trying to cross to get to the other side.  A man comes up to him and says, "You know, there's a zebra crossing 100 metres back up there".  The drunk leans around the man and looks and says, "Well I hope he's having better luck than I am".

 Ok, ok, I know it's an old one, but it's all in the delivery !

[Gruffudd]

An electrical engineer, a biologist, and a chemist were sentenced to be executed by electric chair. First, the biologist was brought in. He was asked if he had any last words. He said, "No, just get on with it." The executioner pulled the switch but nothing happened. By state law, if an execution fails, they have to let the prisoner go free, so they let the biologist go free. Next the chemist was brought in and was asked if he had any final words and he replied, "No" and when the switch was pulled, nothing happened and he was released. Last, the electrical engineer was brought in. When he was asked if he had any last words, he replied, "Yes, I have something to say. If you swap these blue and red wires, you might be able to get this thing to work."