Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

I know it's no longer Wednesday however all this talk of dogs and noses reminded me of an old music-hall chestnut:

I say I say I say, my dog has no nose!

Your dog has no nose?

Exactly right; no nose at all.

Well, how does he smell?

Terrible!

OK, it was old in 1900 😞

[sbella02]

Croix, your professor joke made me laugh, as has your dog one. Hehe.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

[mmMekitty]

Boom, boom!

[Croix]

A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose. The doctor said, “I can tell right away that you haven’t been eating properly.”

Boom boom?

[mmMekitty]

hehehe That doctor is a genius!

"boom boom" - I know, that wasn't right. I was just thinking of when the drummer in the stage band  would perform a very brief series of beats on the drums & finish with the cymbel to tell the audience when to laugh. How could I say that in two or three words? "Boom-da-dee Crash!"? But, I think, I have heard comedians use "boom boom".

Today I was thinking, not a joke, but extending a tongue twister.

She sells seashells down by the seashore. So how many seashells did Sally & shelly sell?

I stumble over the words when I try to say it.

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone…

I remember doing those tongue twisters when I was young….

Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when walking past the medicine cabinet?

So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills!

[mmMekitty]

"Let sleeping dogs lie", he said.

I said, "I'd rather they told the truth".

)boom-boom-crash)

[Croix]

A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer.

As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say “nice tie!” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar.

A few sips later the voice said “beautiful shirt“.
At this, the man called the bartender over. “Hey…I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”
“It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender.
“Say what?”
“You heard me,” said the barkeep. “It’s the peanuts … they’re complimentary.“

[Croix]

What do you call a peanut with a cold?

CASHEW

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone….🤗.

2 peanuts were walking down the street..

One was assaulted, the other got aroasted.