Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Not_Batman]

Did you know that you can easily distinguish an alligator from a crocodile just by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while

[Eagle Ray]

What do you call a dinosaur who is destructive while sleeping?

Tyrannosnore-us

[Croix]

I dreamed I wrote The Hobbit the other night.

My wife said I was Tolkein in my sleep.

[Eagle Ray]

Ha ha! I love that Croix 😂

A potter decided to expand his income by setting up some beehives to yield honey. However, the bees turned out to be quite mischievous. One of the bees in particular liked to play practical jokes on him. What was the bee’s favourite author?

Bee Tricks Potter

[Fiatlux]

Croix & Eagle Ray,

Your Wednesday jokes were both quite clever… 

[Robby60]

What did the Mexican Fireman call his twins?

Jose and Hose B

[Eagle Ray]

What do you say to a groovy snowman? ☃️

 I-see-cool 😎❄️

[Croix]

5. If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

[Robby60]

A young newly wed couple were playing golf.
The wife sliced the ball badly. It went across a road next to the golf course, over the road and smashed the front window of a house.
Sheepishly the couple knocked on the door to apologize.
A man wearing a turban answered the door.
The husband said, "We're very sorry but my wife just hit a golf ball through your window."
The man wearing the turban said, "Oh don't worry. Actually you've done me a favor."
"How so?" said the husband.
The man wearing the turban said, "Well see that Urn on the floor, I'm a genie and your golf ball knocked that urn off the window sill and released me after 1000 years."
He went on to say, "As you've released me I have three wishes I can now use."
The man wearing the turban says to the wife, "What would you like for your wish?"
To which she replies, "I'd like to be the world's best golfer."
"Granted," Says the man wearing the turban.
He turns to the husband and says, "What would you like for your wish?"
The husband says, "I'd like $10,000,000 to appear in my bank account."
"Granted," Says the man wearing the turban.
He continues to say, "As I've given you both a wish and I've been stuck in that urn for so long I am going to have the third wish. I wish to make love to your wife."
Although awkward, under the circumstances the couple acquiesce.
Afterwards the man wearing the turban said to the husband, "How long have you been playing golf?"
The husband replied, "Not long."
The man wearing the turban continues, "And how long have you believed this genie nonsense?"

[Eagle Ray]

What do you call a warrior-like crocodile who feels satisfied after eating a hen?

Glad-he-ate-her