Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Lost_Girl]

This reminded me of my all-time favourite Sesame St skit with Cookie Monster in the library. If you haven't seen it, google Cookie Monster Library and watch it on YouTube. I know....yes I know...big kid

[Gruffudd]

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

Can I have a book, and a box of cookies? 🙂

[CMF]

Ok, so I know it's not Wednesday but...

if prisons let prisoners take their own mug shots would they be called cellfies?

[Gruffudd]

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

[Gruffudd]

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

[pipsy]

Four men travelling daily to work and home on a train become very good friends, eventually exchanging address. One day, one of the men tell the others he is going on holiday and won't see them for a couple of weeks. Three weeks pass with no sign of the fourth returning. After the fourth week and no sign, two of the men decide to visit him to see what's happened. They arrive at his house, knock on the door and wait for a while. Just when they're thinking there's no-one home, the door opens and the wife asks them politely who they are. They explain they know him from the train and ask what's happened. The man's wife invites them in, and explains quietly her husband had passed away the previous week. The man is actually 'laid out' in his coffin in her lounge. The two men look at him and seem unsure what to say. One of them eventually remarks how well he looks, to which the widow replies, 'yes, his holiday did him the world of good'.

[pipsy]

A woman gets arrested, abuses hell out of the security guard, arresting officers, store manager. Up before the judge who asks is it true you stole a can of peaches. Woman replies 'yeah, so what?'. Judge, 'Can I ask why?' Woman, 'I was hungry.' The judge asks, 'How many peaches were in the can?' The woman replies '9, I think, why?' The judge tells her he is sentencing her to 9 days, one day for every peach. At this point her husband puts his hand up and asks to speak. The judge grants permission, the man tells the judge, 'she also stole a can of peas'.

[Gruffudd]

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

Dumbbell.

Dumbbell who?

Dumbbell doesn't work so I had to knock!

[Lost_Girl]

(sorry Rob, you will read this twice)

How does a mathematician unblock a toilet?

He uses a pencil to work it out.

[Gruffudd]

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly Squats