Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Gruffudd]

What do you call somebody with no body and just a nose?

Nobody knows 🙂

[pipsy]

Four friends are walking down the main street of Queenstown when they see a sign outside a pub advertising drinks at 10 c each. They look at each other unbelieving and walk into the pub. The barman takes their order 4 martinis, sure enough 10 c each. They have their drinks, then decide to order 4 more. Another round, at 10 c each. They question the barman how he can afford to give the drinks away. He explains he won $25,000,000 on gold lotto so decided to open a pub and sell drinks for 10c each. The four friends notice four other guys sitting further along the bar, not drinking. They question the barman, he explains that they're four grey nomads, who are in a caravan across the street at the local park. They ask the barman why the guys aren't drinking, barman explains they are waiting for 'happy hour', drinks are then half price.

'Night all.

Lynda.

[topsy_]

Ok, so it's nearly Wednesday. And this isn't exactly a joke. Rather a funny embarrassing senior moment.

I emailed BB because the forums all looked different one day this week. I decided they must have been spruced up! But then when I wanted to post to a thread, there wasn't any "reply" buttons.

So being a civic minded senior citizen off went the email to enquirer if the site was having problems?

Have you guessed yet?

BB's reply "are you sure you're logged in?"

OMG!!!!! Yep that's what was wrong!

I thought I had that little box ticked to keep me logged in. It worked every other day!! That's one mistake I won't make again.

My next post might be from the dementia ward!

Cheers, Lyn.

[pipsy]

Hi Lyn. That could be considered a 'minties' moment.

[Gruffudd]

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

[Gruffudd]

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

[Gruffudd]

“Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.”

[Gruffudd]

I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.

[Moonstruck]

(Where do you get 'em from Gruffud? I can never remember them!...) anyway.....

Managing Director of huge company won a prestigious award for the tremendous job he was doing.

"What did you do to win that?".....asked his mates.

" All I had to do was pretend to be a scarecrow.....I was just out standing in my field"..........

[Gruffudd]

Benefits I have found of having an unreliable memory:

I can wrap my own presents.

I am always meeting new friends.