Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Gruffudd]

Two whales are sitting at a bar. One of them suddenly says, "Mmmwaamm!" The second whale looks over and says, "Mate, you're drunk, go home."

[Gruffudd]

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions. 🙂 

[Gruffudd]

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

[Gruffudd]

Have you heard about the new corderoy pillows?

 They're making headlines!

[Gruffudd]

What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?

Ones really heavy, and the other's a little lighter!

[Gruffudd]

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. 

[Gruffudd]

My ex fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 










My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 

[Gruffudd]

It's Wednesday, happy Wednesday...

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

[White_Rose]

Dear Gruffudd

Can you be prosecuted for groan jokes? I would love to put the smiley face here but can never work out how to do it.

Mary

[Gruffudd]

I plead Guilty as charged Mary.

It is Wednesday today so...  

Last Christmas We Bought A Fake Christmas Tree

The guy behind the counter said “Are you going to put it up yourself?”

My dad said, “Don’t be disgusting. I’m going to put it in the living room.”