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Funny poems and funny short stories

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

I'll kick it off.


The male black widow spider

tried all his life

he tried to tickle the hairy legs

of his larger black widow wife


Suddenly he had a win

something at last to gloat

she began to laugh aloud

as his leg slid down her throat


Poor male black widow

was always to get into strife

all because he couldn't understand

-the nature of his hairy wife......

Tony WK

15 Replies 15

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

A curious child asked her mother "why are some of your hair grey"?

Her mother replied "that's because of you dear, all the trouble you've caused me"

"Oh" said the child.....now I know why grandma has grey hair all over".....

I'm just a bored security guard in the depths of the darkest night.                              I scratch my left side botty with my left hand then my right.                                              Then an ant appeared at my face to lift my eye lid high.        To keep me wide awake to watch the apple in his eye.         I'm just a bored security guard in the depths of the darkest night.                              I scratch my left side botty with my left hand then my right....

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh love a bit of humour therapy! 

(This one was terribly lame and it made me giggle) 

Roses are red,

Bacon is red,

Poems are hard,


Okay. I will share a funny.

Last year i caught a mouse in the chicken's food bin.   So i nabbed him super fast and placed him into a small plastic fish tank.  Like those you get at Cheap As cHips ok.

I then placed the tank in the living room upon the fireplace mantel and just studied the little guy for a while. It was definitely a male and very panicky.   I think he was waiting for something really bad to happen because it wouldn't stay still. 

So i just moved away from the tank and left the lounge and came back with the Dyson.  Yeah. I wasn't going to hurt the little fellow. I just vacuumed and done all the usual house work. I was waiting for him to calm down.

So anyway. I sat down here and typed some. Then got up and took some photos of him with my mobile (because i like action photography involving creatures).  I sent these to my partner at work and to my brother in Melb who didn't understand what was going on and sent back a ??? text.  Then i decided it was time to say goodbye because it made a mess and i didn't like looking at him anymore so i took him for a little drive until i found a good spot in the scrub and i released him because i forgave him.

The End :  ) 


Still in bed after a bad night rest,

I got up the courage to say, "I'm depressed".

"Aha!", she said with a wink and a nod.

"You need a good hot iron for your bod".

I shook my head and cleared out my ear.

"Surely, I misheard you my dear?"

"Oh no", she said, "you heard me just fine.

You wait here while I fetch the iron".

"For what?", I said in a bit of a fright.

An iron will not help put my sadness right".

"Sad?", she said as she straightened her dress.

"I thought you said that you were depressed".

"I did!", I said my head all muddle.

By now I was feeling in need of a cuddle.

"Well, I'll get you sorted as quickly as 1,2,3.

In no time at all you'll be wrinkle-free!"

"Wrinkles!", I exclaim as the penny  drops.

"You think you can fix me by ironing my top!?"

"Well that's not quite what I meant dear love of my life. 

But I sure am greatful that you are my wife".

- Lost Girl original 2016 🙂





Chooka Chook had an angry look

as she washed her dishes dry

Her friend Pecky the hen...was taken away to be fried

And Rooty Rooster came to pass and saw Chooka sad

Her said "Don't be sad, be glad...you haven't been cooked, nor baked nor fried till your skin is black

Unlike Daffy duck, who got cooked till he couldn't quack

Chooka Chook no longer sooked,

she did her dishes fast

She never cried while she had her hide

she lived each day as her last.....

It was 1975 and I was an airman in the Air Force. I had been nabbed drink driving and so bought a pushbike to get me around the large airforce base. This bike even had a speedometer.

The second day I had the bike I rode it up a road with the sun in my eyes. I stared at the speedo as it edged 30mph (50kph) the fastest I could possibly pedal. Then wham

I woke up in hospital with the biggest headache. I'd apparently ridden straight into the rear of a large furniture van parked on the side of the road.

Feeling sorry for myself I noticed one of my friends in a bed opposite. I told him I was in a lot of pain. My friend looked at me and said "you think you've got troubles"......he then threw off his bedsheet to expose the biggest pair of mangoes I'd ever seen.

My friend had the mumps. I never felt sorry for myself for quite a while.

Tony WK

About the only thing I remember from English at school is the following poem:


had them.


Sorry English teachers! Ha. Ha.

Ha! Mrs.Dools, nice one.

Does anyone recall this?


The spring is sprung, the grass is riz.

I wonder where the boidie is.

They say the boidie’s on the wing.

But that’s absoid. The wing is on the bird.