Worried about my living arrangements & heart palpitations

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello there,

So. We have sold our house. And of course because my mother is a malignant covert narcissist she is making the settlement and finalisation is the divorce a lot more difficult.

Prior to the divorce we could not move out, pay for a rental and pay for our half of the mortgage because that is simply not viable. And we cannot work miracles haha.

We have been applying for rentals lately because the settlement date is quite soon but we want to get in early so we can move all of our things.

My mother wants 60/40. We have a solicitor representing us. And I am confident about that part.

She is pregnant with another baby and claims to be in ‘ill health’.

We have some more plans we are looking into. I just needed to get this off my chest. With our low income we can not afford anything at all extravagant. It’s a very complicated and difficult situation, unfortunately.

I’m only nineteen and this is a lot of stress for me. I feel so disorientated. My mother was so psychologically abusive towards me. And now she wants more of the money in the divorce. And we are barely coping to put food on our kitchen table.

We frequently get community assistance from food banks to help with groceries and other necessities because we are genuinely struggling.
I struggled to pay my uni fees for semester one. The university thankfully waved them due to my circumstances and semester two fees are put on a hex. I am attempting to get through my diploma then apply for a three year degree just to better my circumstances and my lifestyle. I don’t want to live like this forever. It’s exhausting and debilitating. The Real Estate Agents whom we have sold the property with promised to help us find a rental, well they have not. We have asked on numerous occasions. Every time we call them they shrug us off and seem to treat us horribly because we are not from a particularly wealthy residential area. It’s so much uncertainty. And I just need to feel at ease again. I feel like I am far too young worrying about where I am going to live.
Like I said my father and I are going to apply for some more options to help us.

I am a full time student and have intentions on changing up my life. I am just suffering from PTSD from my narcissistic mother, psychologically abusive ex boyfriend (that I left a little over six months ago), selling the house, my mother cheating on my father will quite a few men, graduating year twelve last year despite the stress of the virus and the divorce.

[Sophie_M]

Dear PsychedelicFur,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[PsychedelicFur]

Feeling anxious

[PsychedelicFur]

Rang up governmental housing and we have an appointment next week. And I am applying for more rentals. And if all else fails I’m looking at student accomodation too. The real estate agents are being very uncaring and not wanting to help us. They are always shrugging us away.

[Sophie_M]

Hi  PsychedelicFur,

This sounds incredibly stressful, and we're so sorry to hear how you're feeling and how everything is going with the divorce, the move and the financial pressures, and the abuse you've suffered from your parent. We agree, it's a lot to deal with at 19, it's not surprising you're feeling overwhelmed and just need to feel at ease. It sounds like you're working really hard to get through this, and cope with such a huge amount of uncertainty, especially when going through university at the same time. 

Are you getting any mental health and wellbeing support through your university? We think that it is really important that you can talk to someone about all of this, so please give Beyond Blue a ring on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 
• Headspace (9am-1am EAST) 

We are really grateful that you shared this here. It can be really tough to reach out but you never know who will read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. Please do share more with us here on how you're feeling. We hope you can find some comfort on the forums, hopefully some more of the lovely members of this community will be along soon, some of whom may be able to relate to some of what you're going through. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m trying to keep it together. I see a psychologist and I am on antidepressants to help with my severe anxiety.

I have been trying to get everything organised at the moment in regards to applying for another university next year for a degree. I have looked at university campus accomodation and it is extremely expensive and pri of my budget haha. I have been overworking and feeling incredibly anxious about everything. It’s an overwhelming experience.

[Sophie_M]

Hi PsychedelicFur, 

That does sound overwhelming. Please remember that at any moment you can call Beyond Blue and speak with a counsellor on 1300 22 4636, or use the webchat or email instead. They are really good at helping people through those moments when they're overwhelmed and anxious.

We really hope the forums are helpful to you, we find it can be really helpful to share and work through things here.  We know that it can be really tough, especially with all that is going on for you right now, and it can be so helpful just to share.  

We're glad to hear you're working with someone and have some support and medication for your anxiety. It's so important to have this support. We think that it could be a great idea to talk to our friends at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or by trying out their webchat. They also have a really good website for 18-25 year olds, which might be helpful or interesting to you.  
 
Thank you again for sharing your experiences with us, we hope that you can see how brave you have been. Please feel free to update us on how you are feeling if you are comfortable. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[PsychedelicFur]

I have already submitted one application for a university, for next and I am going to submit another rental application tonight. Fingers crossed.

[PsychedelicFur]

it’s PsychedelicFur here once again. My predicament at the moment is that I am scared of being homeless. We have applied for a few houses.. we have had to sell our house due to circumstances out of our control. And now we are searching for a place to rent because settlement date is in a couple of months. What about if we don’t end up getting the house? What about if we end up homeless? What about if nothing works in our favour?

my mother wants 60% out of the percentage from the house settlement. I’m worried. I’m scared. I’m stressing. What about if nothing works out? What about if this all ends up messing up our lives in a massive way? My mother was psychologically abusive and it is a relief that she no longer lives with us. However, this uncertainty is terrifying me. It’s making myself feel remarkably uneasy and physically sick. I was hyperventilating so much last night and my heart was palpitating so badly. I’m nineteen and I feel like this is such a difficult position to be put in. What about if this is my life forever? What about if there is no light at the end of the tunnel? It’s such a vulnerable and distressing position to be in. I am feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted. The nights seem long with crying, stressing and overthinking. During the day, however, I am attempting to preoccupy my mind by writing, completing university assessments and reading. I feel sick to the stomach. We keep making process but every time we do, we take three steps forward and two back. I want a better life than this uncertainty and concern for what I am going to do in my life. My mother can go off and have a baby and get engaged to another man. She got rid of her $900 rag doll cat and left her only daughter and child to now make another one. What about if nothing works out?
I hope it does for my Father and I. I needed to vent. So much thought regurgitation here, right now hah. I feel a lot better now. Other people can just walk away from my problem and tell me to ‘shut it off for the night .’
”Try and relax. Read a book.. practice self care.” I know that works but I cannot just ignore or completely disregard the existence of my problems. I wish I could but I cannot. 😞 I know you need to give your brain a break but I cannot seem to do that.

Such a long vent. My head truly hurts. I need some sleep.

Thank you for reading. Much appreciated,
PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

Scared that we will be homeless. And even if we find a place we may not be able to afford the rent. And then how are we going to pay the rest of the bills, registration and get groceries? We are doomed. I’m so anxious. 😫😢😢🥺