Worried about my future

[caitlin_rose]

Hi. This is my first time posting online about anything mental health related, so this is a bit terrifying.

In October this year I will be turning 18. I've recently applied to university, got my learners license, and have been applying to jobs to try and get my life moving. I've had severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember, and becoming an adult is somewhat scary. I have been feeling a deep urge to become independent, so while it is scary is is also exciting.

One thing I'm worried about is the fact that I have no friends. I do home school after having severe anxiety attacks when I was attending school. My anxiety has stopped me from making friends, and the fact that I will be spending my 18th alone physically pains me. I've always wanted a group of friends, but I feel like my social anxiety has held me back in so many ways. I got my leaners license later than everyone else in my town (everyone got theirs as soon as they turned 16) and everyone has jobs and a big group of friends. It doesn't help that I moved here in Year 7, and the town I live in is very close-knit. Everyone knows each other, and I am an outsider. I didn't get to grow up with a group of friends due to my family travelling Australia when I was in primary school, and then in high school having to move schools because we had to move closer to my grandparents when my pop got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Unfortunately he passed away in 2016, and the grief that I felt after he died also contributed to a growing anxiety and fear of the future.

Recently I also got diagnosed with anorexia, which is also terrifying because I don't know how it is going to affect my chances at university next year. I'm feeling really lost, alone, and tired. I haven't been able to sleep, and I hate hurting the people I love. My mum is worried sick all the time and I hate the affect I have on her mental health. I wish I could take that pain away from her, she's been through a lot herself and I feel like a burden when I add to her pain.

Sorry for the long post...but does anyone have any advice?

[Failsafe]

Hi Caitlin,

I really struggled at school, had very few friends and always felt like crying when someone would say "enjoy these days, they're the best you'll ever have" Save me!

I too had social anxiety and while I didn't go to uni straight out of school I did get a job and found that the works outside of school was something entirely different.

It helps to remember that each new person you meet knows nothing about you, all the things that make you feel uncomfortable or worried they have no idea of. They just see you as a new person they've met, there is no pressure on you to be anything but you in that moment.

I found I made friends through work and it made a really big difference to my confidence. Then when I did go to uni it was the same, nerve wracking but no-one knew me, and a few pracs and tutes later I was on my way to having friends.

It can seem and feel really overwhelming to think of the future and the unknown, but it is also full of possibilities for you.

I hope that helps a little 🙂

[caitlin_rose]

BeagleMona - Thank you for commenting 🙂 I get how nerve-wracking it is to meet new people, social anxiety really sucks. I too hope one day we will make real friends that we can share experiences with, best of luck to you!