Workplace anxiety - When good feedback hurts the most.

[Helarctus]

Recently I spotted a position being advertised in my workplace that seemed interesting. It followed some similar lines to my current role and I contacted my manager to discuss it. They were supportive and offered to review my write up for the expression of interest to help me polish the wording and upsell myself.

I sent them the write up and after a day or so they responded with suggestions on what to change and possible things to include in the examples.

I can read what they have sent and see how the suggestions would improve the write up, my manager has been clear and professional. The critique has picked up on what I could do to improve my wording and examples.

Logically I should be able to progress, but emotionally I'm a wreck. I'm panicking about adding more because there isn't anything more I can truthfully add. The suggestions are valid, but I do not have any examples to cite to support the statements.

So I'm feeling like a fraud, that my manager thinks too highly of me and thinks that I do more than actual output. If I submit the application as is, I probably wont get the role. If I embellish it feels like that will just be compounding lies and getting the position on falsehoods would just make it worse.

If the feedback had been poor quality or too blasé, I could have laughed it off and submitted the application without a second thought.

I have the flutter in my chest of panic, a dry mouth and shaking hands. The tidal wave of nerves is washing over me and my stomach is in knots. And now my manager has scheduled a meeting later today to discuss my application, I know they are trying to help but it has me reaching for the ejector seat.

I had hoped that by writing it out here, the feelings might somehow get stuck in the little box on the screen.

But they aren't.

I'm clinging to a small slice of my brain that is still saying in a tiny voice that the feedback is good and I can do this.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Helarctus,

Thanks for your post- sorry to hear how you're struggling today and I'm glad you reached out to talk about it with us. As someone who takes any sort of criticism very personally, I can very much relate and imagine that I would be feeling the same way.

I totally believe that you can do this. I also believe that your manager believes you can do this too. If she didn't think you were capable of it, she probably wouldn't have offered in the first place - and if she didn't believe in you, she wouldn't have taken the time to think so critically about your work.

Is there a reason you won't get it (or have a chance) if you submit it at is? I took it from your post your manager was working on polishing and critiquing, but you've already done the work.

I don't know if you're a freud or not, but I doubt it. What I do know is that most people have thought they're a freud at some point, and sometimes it can be a good thing because you have high expectations of yourself - maybe if you're a good freud, then that should be something you're proud of too. Look how well you've fooled everyone! That's clever. <- This is terrible sarcasm but hopefully you can get the reframe 🙂

rt

[White_Rose]

Dear Helarctus

Hello and welcome to the forum. I have been an applicant for jobs and also a member of selection panels. There is a great difference between those roles.

As an applicant you are eager to write about your accomplishments, hard work and taking responsibility. The selection panel want to know if you are the best person for the job.

You have said if you give examples of your knowledge and skills you would be lying. Your manager has given you a good critique and presumably she knows what she in talking about. So take her suggestions on board.

By this I mean look at the list of duties you would be expected to carry out. It would be very rare for someone to have all the skills and applying for something they already do. Some on the job train is usual. Then add the specific area or duty where you have done this.

"I have the ability to........... as shown in (what part of your job you have done this. You do not need to know everything)

The selection panel is looking at, amongst other things, your ability to learn.

Remember everyone else is having a similar difficulty writing their application.

I think you would stand a good chance of getting the position if your application is clear and contains examples.

I hope that helps.

Mary

[Not_Batman]

Hello Helarctus

please dont sell yourself short of what you can achieve.

your manager sounds very helpful, and has a level of respect for you to give this feedback. Is it possible to ask about examples that your manager had seen, that you may be forgetting?

i know that sometimes good feedback can be hard to accept, but while you may not notice or feel it within yourself, this it how other see you. ive been a manager before, and there are always things that the individual cant see in themselves, but everyone else sees it.

Good luck!

Not_Batman

[Helarctus]

I can process the feedback and see how my manager is helping, the irrational emotional response surges regardless.

After the event it is clearer, but in the midst I am a mess.