Why is it I don't see a future for myself at the moment?

[Detective_S]

Hi there,

I don't know if this is the correct forum to place this under but it seemed the most relevant to my current thought process.

I don't know when this thought initially hit me, perhaps it was when my relationship with one of my parents started to become rocky or maybe its burn out (?) I'm not sure, but lately I have been struggling to see a future for myself.

Now in no way do I want to die, nor am I in anyway giving up, I just don't see myself living a long life for whatever reason. I can't see myself reaching the end of my current uni degree let alone reaching full-time employment at the end, additionally, I feel like I'm living life on auto-pilot trying to get through everything.

The last week has hit me hard, I've recently decided to finally stand up to one of my parents (my parents are divorced) who has been quite manipulative lately, and my Pop has just been sent to hospital for heart failure.

It is just upsetting because I am nearly 20 years old but don't feel any drive to be part of a relationship or set myself up for the future and it is starting to cause me significant anxiety as I start to face this unknown, confusing time.

Was just hoping for any sort of advice on how I may be able to move away from this mindset and to a more positive and productive one.

Kind regards,

Detective S.

[smallwolf]

firstly, hello and welcome to the forums.

there is not really a wrong place to post here - perhaps not your story in the social area but hey ...

from your post, it seems you have learnt to be a little assertive to one of your parent who you believe is manipulative. That could be seen as a positive. How did that go for you?

As far as what your options etc... since you are at Uni (and congrats to get in) you could always talk to someone in student services and counselors there. Also, are you liking your study?

Kids helpline also help young adults (18-25) - you could reach out to these people to get some assistance to find a way forward.

When things seems stuck there appears no way out and that sucks. My psychologist likes to me see it as a mountain with valleys. After you go down into the valley, there is some point where you have to go upwards again - that is where your hope lies.

and in the meantime, I and others here will walk that journey with you.

[Croix]

Dear Detective S~

I'd like to join Smallwolf in welcoming you to the forum, it's a good choice on your part as you'll find others with similar experiences and different perspectives

I'm sorry about your Pop, and hope he recovers.

Many persons who are studying a degree start to really feel the pressures as they go on with their course. As someone who was a university educator for many years I've seen that a lot. While a few give up the majority keep on going and do get there.

It take its toll in a lot of ways, and the world does seem to become a grind with no end in sight, then the last assignment is handed in, the last exam taken and its over. At that point the world does change and getting a job is less daunting, and possibilities apart to reappear.

There's also time and a desire it think of relationships - so please be encouraged, how you feel now is temporary.

For most people as they mature they start to see parents more clearly, both their good and bad points. They also start to value their own independence, something some parents react to negatively. (I guess being manipulative could be seen in that light).

So it is only natural you reach a point where you have to resist and stand up for yourself, it's not a bad thing at all.

Trying to cope with all this is hard, particularly if you have to do it by yourself, can I ask if you have someone, a family member or friend perhaps, you can talk frankly with and feel they care? It does help to lighten the load if you have.

We are always here for you

Croix

[On The Road]

Hi Detective S

Welcome to the forum this is a good place for all of us to share and meet others with similar experiences.

I'm sorry that things have been tough for you and that you are facing lots of challenges at the same time, no wonder you feel stressed and don't see a future for yourself. This is overwhelming that the academic issues and the relationship issues are intertwined which makes things more complicated. As small wolf said, school counselling service would help you to sort things out and may make them easier to deal with. and I also agree with Croix that it's completely ok to stand up for yourself because you were protecting yourself, and it would be of help if you can talk with someone close that you can trust and share. 🙂

Feel free to share more, we are here to listen.

[geoff]

Hello Detective, it's not easy when your parents become divorced because you're put in a position of who should you stay with and will the other parent understand, but with all of this happening, then you begin to wonder what your future entails and whether you have made the right choice.

With your Pop having heart struggle only complicates the situation even further, and I'm deeply sorry that he's going through this and wish him the very best.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest and wonder if you are uncertain about what you are studying for and why, then your heart is not going to be in attending lectures , doing assignments or attending uni and doing the bare minimum as possible.

At uni there may e a notice board asking for someone to share their flat/house with, so this may be an option to move away from home, if this oes happen then a new life will open up for you.

You can defer your course because you can always go back to it and then find employment where you can mix with other people, this could give you a chance to revaluate your position and find some enjoyment in life.

Hope your Pop is OK.

Geoff.

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you feel this way. The stressful life events going on around you would not help either.

Have you got a counselling service available at your Uni?

Hope you're okay,

Jaz xx

[Detective_S]

Hi there,

thank you for the response, didn’t even consider the implications of sharing my life story thank you for that reminder.

I have heard of some councillors at my university however have always been a little awkward with openly asking people for help. It’s just the comfort of being relatively anonymous that I prefer. I know that sounds terrible.

My attempt at being assertive has caused a rift between my parent and I but I am hopeful it may rectify itself sooner or later.

Nonetheless, thank you for your response. I appreciate the advice

[Detective_S]

Thank you.

I have always had a habit of putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself as my degree I am in is the same my Mum and Stepfather went through and I truly look up to them. however, I have started trying to take time for myself lately to breathe. The other night was just an overwhelming one and so I guess this post is a bit of a rash decision.

Visited my pop today and he slowly seems to be improving so it has eased my concerns slightly too.

thank you for this response. I really appreciate it.

Kind regards,

Detectuve S

[Detective_S]

Hi thank you so much for your response.

It’s nice to have reassurance every now and then that it’s not bad for me to stand up for myself. I guess it’s the mentality of it being a parental figure that makes it tough.

again, thank you so much for your response. I appreciate the advice.

[Detective_S]

Hi there,
Thank you for the response.
I have considered moving out, but this may be something for later on down the track when I am more financially stable.

I really enjoy the degree I am in, I have worked my whole life to get to this point and I have minimal regrets regarding this, maybe it’s the pressure I tend to put on myself but I don’t know.

thank you for the kind wishes for Pop. I saw him today and there has been some improvement.

kind regards,

Detective S.