Why do I get scared over little things/always see the bad in things

[heyfriday128]

I had to call a professor at a university today for my research project (I'm in highschool) and I was so scared. Thank god the zoom link wasn't working and I rescheduled to talk to them with my tutor because Im scared to do it alone but reflecting on that and why?? I also had a job once but I left after my 4th shift because I was so stressed and scared of the clique that people had there, I also overheard them saying that I'm so nervous so that didn't help. I just wish I could be normal and not get scared over little things and be so sensitive. 

[JulieS101]

Hey! I was a lot like you in Highschool also. I even now am still like this sometimes. Firstly this sounds a lot like social anxiety which I used to also have (though I recommend you ask a medical professional). I would recommend seeing a therapist for this and they can work through it with you. The best technique for me was/is exposure therapy. Slowly try to do one thing a day that makes you step outside your comfort zone, start small and work your way up. I would recommend getting a job again as this is a great way to improve social anxiety and you get paid! Even if you don't make friends at work who cares you get money lol. You can use work to talk to customers and attempt to make friends which will be beneficial. For me a "fake it till you make it" attitude also works where you pretend you are very confident, when I do this I naturally start to feel confident. I know that you most likely are reading this and thinking "that's so hard" but trust me it is possible. Wishing you all the best and remember you are not alone and I have been there also 🙂 

[therising]

Hi heyfriday128

A horrible feeling, that fear. As a 52yo gal, I still have moments where I feel overwhelmed by certain challenges. It's only in the last couple of years I've pushed myself to addressed this. You're well ahead of me when it comes to the desire for self understanding and self mastery.

I've found a handful of reasons for why I experience this anxiety/stress

• Was never taught how to manage such challenges fearlessly. So, it can be about a lack of skill development from day one. Better late than never when it comes to learning
• Self esteem. Truth is a person may be better or more experienced at the job they're in but they're not necessarily better than me. We all have a range of strengths and abilities. For example, while a lot of folk may be insensitive, sensitivity may be a strength of yours
• Inner dialogue. Amazing how many people I've come across who experience the 'you' or 'you're' factor. Given that factor, when it comes managing people/situations in person or over the phone, the inner dialogue can go 'You know they're going to think you're stupid. You're going to look/sound like an idiot'. 'Get the hell out of my head!' is a good mantra for this one
• Mastery of the nervous system's a must when we have the ability to feel what our body's doing. Seeing the nervous system interacts with the vascular system, lungs, heart etc, talking it down or venting can be productive practices. If you see your body as one of your best friends, talking your sympathetic nervous system down might sound like 'Don't stress, I've got this. Just calm down'. The venting part's about breathing. Seeing we naturally sigh as a way of calming down, conscious sighing/venting means the out breath's longer than the in breath. 100% focus (meditating) on breathing this way 'til you feel things start to calm down is helpful. Practice when you're not stressed, to begin with. Not unusual to feel a little harmless pressure change in the head with this kind of breathing

Find what works for you and practice, practice, practice. Different practices for different situations 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi heyfriday128,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and welcome to the community here. Our minds are powerful things and sometimes our thoughts, feelings and emotions seem to have a negative power of their own. With a bit of work, you can help yourself to overcome these situations.

Can you tell your tutor how you felt about the zoom and ask if they have any advice for you? Is there a support person at school you can talk to, family or a Dr perhaps to better understand why your thoughts deviate as they do.

I have little panic attacks some morning going to work and I am almost 60 years old! I tell myself I am becoming anxious for no good reason. My mind is jumping to conclusions, stuff I am worried about can be worked out.

It helps me to do some deep breathing, acknowledge my mind is running away with itself and to distract myself with something else to think about. When my mind concentrates on bad things, I try to consider what is good also.

In the past I have gained assistance by using "Structured problem solving" and "managing thoughts and self-talk" techniques. If you were interested you could google these.

Starting a Gratitude journal might be beneficial. Try each day to write down 3 things you are thankful for. It could be as simple as Food, Drink and somewhere to sleep. 

These are just a few suggestions you might like to consider. Start your journey now, learn more about mental health and you grow as you learn more about yourself. 

[Nyny94]

Hey, 

Friday I feel the same and strangely enough, we are both university students, I used to get so down on myself and always get upset at myself for being so sensitive or anxious but the truth is we are trying the best we can, don't be too hard on yourself, some people are simply more sensitive to stress and that's not on you or anything. Talking to a professional can help and eventually you will find these things occupy less space in your mind, but I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Perhaps reaching out to a professional and coming up with a way to help you overcome some of these fearful feelings may help. All the best of luck and I think you're doing the best you can so far 🙂 

[bit-lost]

Hi, and thank you for sharing! Just posting on here is a brave thing to do, so I think you are more courageous than you think. I think most of us on here can relate to this. My younger self certainly can. And I still get waves of fear when doing things out of my comfort zone, that seem small to the people around me. (Anxiety seems to make trivial things seem huge). I do believe it is worth looking into professional help like a psychologist just to help you navigate all this, so you don't have to do it on your own. I wish my younger self did this because therapy has been so invaluable. But that also may not be right for you. Perhaps it is trying things outside of your comfort zone every now and then that will help? Things will be scary until you have to do them over and over so much that it does not phase you. For example, from my first job to the age of 21 I was terrified of job interviews. By the age of 21, I had done so many and had so many mental tools from my psychologist to apply, that they just suddenly weren't scary anymore. I am here to tell you that what you are feeling is normal, and that it can (and will) get better. You just need to find the best way for you to cope with it, whether it be therapy, journalling, trying new things, etc. You'll get there!