what am I doing

[dougall]

I do not know how to use this site and was looking for someone just to chat with.  I suffer from anxiety and have been suicidal quite a few times over the past 2years.  I have a husband who left because he did not want to know and kept saying get over it already.  Have a son who copes by hiding in his room playing games.  Have no family all abroad.  Find myself trying to push myself out of the quick sand and occasionally slipping under.  Made a promise to son so have not gone as far as I have wanted to.  Had counseling for 12 months. just don't know where or what to do as anxiety stops me from talking to total strangers.  Very lonely and confused as to what is expected of me.

[dougall]

thank you for your email.  I do have anxiety and depression, was in counseling for 12 months then stopped as husband thought we could cope, he resorted back to his old ways of thinking, put it in the too hard basket so I was left to deal with things on my own.  Could not get back in to see the counselor and have been emailing him, this has stopped as he recommended me to the hospital mental health.  This was the person I spoke to on the phone that made me feel 6 years old.  I am border line so tablets are a no for me.  It is hard for me to find someone I can trust and listen to.  It also makes it hard that the so called professionals talk behind each others back about how they are doing things.  Small town, not many opportunities to get in to see someone.  It takes up to 3 weeks to get in to see a doctor.

[dougall]

sorry did not mean to offend and I never use profanities so once again I apologise.

[HA1]

Hi Dougall

I am surprised no one has replied to you.  Hope you don't mind me replying.  But I just wanted to say that you said nothing on your posts to offend, so no need to apologise.

Reading this thread, it is obvious you have been in a bad space over recent weeks.  I am sorry - I too have been having a bad patch. The frustration is often intolerable.  I gather the BB team have been in contact with you by email.  That is good.

I was wondering if there is an opportunity for you to travel to another town or nearby city to see a doctor, or attend the community mental health centre to speak with them.  Maybe you have already tried that.  

Just letting you know that I am now following your thread.

take care & hang on in there.

K

[dougall]

Hi thank you for your reply.  I got some wonderful news last night that I have a volunteer job helping people do craft work so going in today to get all the information so it should be a start in meeting new people.  It was nice of you to reply.

[HA1]

Great news Dougall - very positive!  you already sound a lot happier :). What type of volunteer work are you doing - do you mind me asking?

I too have been looking at volunteer work.  So I'm a bit envious.  It would be really good to do something that would be valued by others.  I was thinking about volunteering in a hospital maybe. 

Have a great day!

K

[dougall]

Hi that was a quick reply.  It is in a hospice for older people and I am in charge or will be of helping them make Christmas, Birthday or any other kind of cards.  I am going to pick up the volunteer package today so don't really know what is involved.  It is something positive and I am jumping up and down, well in my mind.  It is within walking distance as I don't drive so that is good.  I found it on seekvolunteer by accident.  I did not fit what they wanted so I just filled it out and put what I was capable off and if they needed my help I would help in anyway possible.  I got an email saying they had a place and would I like to help.

[pdent]

Hi Dougall

That's excellent

Have a great day and enjoy your new surroundings

Pete

I have 4 days tillI see my best friend ,i am hoping it gives me a bit of peace 'that's my hope'

[dougall]

thanks pdent.  I am sure your best friend will make the most of the time with you.  I would like to consider you as my friend now, how do you feel about that, I don't have people I can call friends, actually I don't have people, ha ha.  I hope you have a great time with the next four days planning what you will do.  What have you decided to do?

[HA1]

....    😞    What about me?

[pdent]

Dougall friends we are

We seem to be going through similar thoughts about life 

Our kids are going well lots of positives but this cloud returns why?there doesnt seem to be an answer 

We look for solutions but We can't remove ourselves from this world because of the pain it would cause others close to us

I have only had a month of this but it seems like forever 

So let us know how your work at the hospice goes

Good luck your friend

Pete

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