What about if my life stays this lonely FOREVER?

[PsychedelicFur]

Hey there,

I’m dealing.. with so much loneliness at the moment.
Recently, a little over a month ago I was diagnosed, by my psychologist, with High functioning autism and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder)

which in a way was very much a relief. Because now I can pinpoint what is ‘wrong’ with me in a way. And I can understand that my thoughts about my body are sometimes distorted and very intrusive due to the BDD.

However, I’m writing this thread to say that I’m so lonely and will it be like this FOREVER? I’m in a course with people who really don’t get me. I feel alienated, isolated and so so so a lone. These people don’t seem to understand me because I’m perceived as different and they seem to avoid me because of it. It really sucks because I have never had a ‘best friend’ unless it was someone who wanted to manipulate, groom or use me in the past. And what about if I never meet my tribe? What about if I am always this lonely? Like I want friends. I want to be able to go out with friends and do normal things like drink, go to gigs etc.

I am feeling so overwhelmed with my thoughts.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely - it's not a nice feeling. I struggle similarly ( I think) in that I never quite feel like I fit. But I wonder how much of that is true, and how much is it my perception of the situation. So I'm wondering if there's a possibility that that's what's happening for you too. We view the world through a lens right? I view mine through anxiety and low self esteem. You have a lens of your own, and if you've been newly diagnosed, perhaps you're still making sense of that too.

Will you be seeing your psychologist again? Is this something you'd feel comfortable discussing with them?

Sending kind thoughts, Katy

[TheWookie]

Hey there. I can wholly relate to the loneliness. People will never understand it unless they live it. As a housebound agoraphobic for 10 plus years, it does get to you I will say. I seriously spend 98% of my time completely alone. In fact sometimes I go for days on end without even speaking out loud.

It is utterly reasonable to feel so isolated in the situation you describe. Just because you do have people around you it does not necessarily mean you dont feel isolated. Just remember though... it is not a bad thing to be a bit weird. And what you feel is your feelings about the situation. Not what the people in your course make you feel. Be yourself, nobody else is as qualified at being you.

[Gabs_]

Hello,

It is so hard when you are stuck in the middle of it - those thoughts and feelings can be so overwhelming and isolating. I want you to know that it does get better. It might not feel like it now, but I promise you it will.

I dealt with similar themes you mentioned - and I remember the worst period of my life, being hospitalised (again) for my eating disorder and feeling so utterly hopeless and alone. I didn't want to tell anybody because I'd been judged by people in the past, so I kept things to myself, and I just remember thinking "this is never going to end/get better". I never felt like I would never get better and that I would never find people that cared about me enough to not see me as my eating disorder.

However, things did get better and I did find my people. It wasn't easy - there were moments riddled with anxiety, but working with your psychologist/psychiatrist is the best thing you can do. Learn to understand yourself more, learn to understand what triggers some of your behaviours/feelings, learn coping strategies and how to challenge unhelpful thoughts. The more I did that, the easier it was to "find" my people - because they were like minded, cared about the same things I did (values) and all of them know I have had an eating disorder and nobody judges me. We can have those deep and meaningful conversations, I can tell someone when I am struggling in recovery, and I know I can pick up the phone and they would be there for me, like I would be for them.

It won't happen overnight - you need to put in the time and dedication to your mental health and well-being, but I promise you it will be worth it. It won't be perfect, and sometimes you will still meet people who let you down etc, but that's because we are all human and all dealing with our own shit, and maybe they don't have the bandwidth or it just is what it is. But invest in yourself and you will find the confidence to be yourself and find your people.

Please take care of yourself,

Gabs

[Hanna3]

Hi there,

I must be much older than you and I always had that feeling of not fitting and finding it hard to make friends and being lonely - and I got bullied a lot at school and at work for being very quiet and "different".

What worked for me was finding people who were tolerant of difference because they didn't quite fit the social norm either - so I found a small group of gay women friends (I am not gay) who were great pals because they knew what it was like to be in the "out" group (they were older women, so when young they had a tough time). Where I am now I find the musical people to be pretty non conformist and tolerant and friendly.

I think if you can find a few people who suit you - theatre people are often good - people who do acting - I found. You will find your tribe, but yep it takes time and meanwhile it's rotten to be lonely. Hope you find friends here on BB at least in the meantime. Don't despair, your people will be out there somewhere!