Went to Bed and Cried. Constantly worried and embarrased.

[YourNervousGeek]

Today I fell into bed, broke down into tears. I'm a 20 year old male, university student in my final year of my degree, having a growing disinterest towards the degree itself, and an unclear career path, have never been able to successfully find even a simple casual  job, because of my social inabilities. I've realized the only reason I'm still doing the degree now, is to get the degree, which is really upsetting to me, cause I've been quite ambitious in the past, but year by year have lost that ambition, losing interest, and realizing small fish in a big pond with better fish than me. 

This breakdown was caused by those thoughts and my talk to the my class tutor in front of classmates today. The talk was sort of a explanation of a required major project for my final year, and it made me realize my disinterest even more, but also the fact that I get paranoid over situations and get incredibly embarrassed about them. These memories often pop up randomly and just tires me out, as I haven't been sleeping well. My talk with the tutor, like with most of my public speaking situations, caused me to mix my sentences, slur my words and have moments of random silence, trying to think of what to say next. I find this incredibly embarrassing and constantly think back towards it. I know this should probably be in the university thread or something, and that I should talk to university counselors, but I just don't feel comfortable with talking to strangers about this and that I have always had these sorts of experiences. I just get incredibly nervous around new people. I've had these sorts of breakdowns before but it was in concern family matters. My situation is far more extensive, but it was today that I realized I should speak out about it in some form or another. Till now I come to realize I may have an anxiety issue and a social interaction disorder.

[GrumpyCat]

Everyone gets nervous in social situations and public speaking, many just are good at hiding this or not letting those anxieties consume them. Be careful with labeling yourself with this disorder and that disorder, I've done the same and it made me feel even more anxious. Make an appointment with a GP and/or psychologist and let them worry about the diagnosis.

YourNervousGeek said:

 because of my social inabilities.

You write well; an important way of communicating with others.

YourNervousGeek said:

realizing small fish in a big pond with better fish than me

They might seem like big fish but they still flounder 😄 (I know, bad, right?)

YourNervousGeek said:

 moments of random silence

I throw these in on purpose. Makes me seem aloof and deep. Girls love that.

I have a lot of similar thoughts and reflections over the way I act in social situations and in general. It's my mind warning me of the possibility that I will not be accepted by the group so that I can take action to avoid this possibility. My mind is trying to be helpful, however, most of the time these thoughts just make me feel bad about myself to the point where I need to sleep.

I have been trying a technique called defusing to lessen the impact these thoughts have on me. When I get a thought like: "I didn't speak loudly enough"; "I fumbled my words"; "I'm socially inept". I observe the thoughts and say in my mind: "Ahh, this is the 'I'm socially inept thought', thanks mind". I don't stew over the thought just acknowledge it and move on. Is it true? Is it false? A little of both? Doesn't matter, by observing the thought I don't become the thought, and I try and get on with it.

 Stick with your studies, perhaps you'll finish the degree and realise you don't want that as a career. That's ok. I changed degrees twice initially while studying the first time around then went back to university 10 years later and got another totally different degree and changed careers.

[Jadele]

Hi There,

I am a mum who has seen four children through uni study. Two of those have come to a header with mental issues en route. I would encourage you to get support. My youngest, the only one still at uni,  is seeing a social worker at her uni and is being placed on an 'educational inclusion plan', so that when she is overwhelmed with assessment pressures, a plan is in place to give her special consideration time wise. Seeing the uni social worker was her first step, the social worker alerted her lecturers to the problem initially. She is also seeing a doctor and a psychologist and has been placed on medication. This is a very recent happening, and she is in her third year of a 4 year degree. Having been an OP2 student we had not expected anything like this but mental illness, like physical illness, affects anybody. With regards to my son, who  found himself depressed to the point of mentioning killing himself, a change in course and direction of career was a major step. He actually dropped out of uni and went to TAFE instead and for 2 years was mentored by 2 lecturers who were aware of his situation (in a class of 6 students), and to whom I will be forever grateful. He has had no further recurrences. BTW , this son is very much a Geek, and even borderline Aspergers with little social skills to speak of, (and I am speaking as a teacher with many years experience); in fact, his Geek skills have landed him in a very high paying position in the world of Electrical Engineering.Hoping all the best for you.