We're to find friends who have social anxiety

[Kane]

Hi my name is kane and I have suffered social anxiety as long as I can remember so i find it  quite difficult to meet people and have become very isolated which leads to depression feeling low,low confidence  and self worth . I would like to ask  people who have experienced  this  as part of there life  and  slowly get some  of my life back with people  

[therising]

Hi Kane

I've found sometimes it pays to ask 'Why am I struggling so much with this particular issue or challenge?'. With the social anxiety one, I reached the conclusion that my struggles comes down to a whole variety of factors. So, it becomes a matter of how to manage each factor. Each factor will point me in a particular direction. Not sure if you can relate to some of all of these

1. That self esteem factor you mention. Finding people who can bring out the best in us is important. Being led to meet with parts of our self that can naturally boost our self esteem makes a big difference
2. I'm a shocker with small talk. I hate it and really can't manage it all that well. Strategies for managing or avoiding small talk can help
3. I have an issue with volume or amount of sound. A small group of people talking, not a problem. Add loud music to that and I can begin to feel it. Increase the number of people talking over loud music and my nervous system screams 'Get me the hell out of here!'. Add alcohol to the mix and drunk people yelling over the music just about sends me insane. Just too stressful
4. I struggle with people I can't relate to
5. I was never overly socialised growing up. My parents weren't major social butterflies, taking us kids to a lot of social events, so we never developed a huge amount of social skills or social confidence

The list goes on but I suppose that would be my top 5, all separate issues but they can feel like a kind of hell on earth when they're combined.

Being a sensitive gal, I can naturally sense all those issues. What else I can sense is what works for me. With that 1 to 5 list

1. Add sensitive people who aren't judgemental and are great for self esteem to
2. folk who are thoughtful and honest with how they feel and are easy to talk to (without all the small talk) to
3. an environment my nervous system loves to
4. people who are there for the same reason as me (a relatable reason) to
5. a situation where someone has well developed social skills, especially when it comes to helping strangers integrate with each other and it could look like...

a small guided meditation class, run by a  brilliant and encouraging facilitator with great social skills. That's just one example of course. We're all different and we all need to find what floats our boat. That kind of thing's not everyone's cup of tea. It's just an example when it comes to getting a sense of or feel for what can work for us, as an individual. Perhaps some other form of learning or practice could be a start, a small group of people who are all there for the same reason, to develop individually and together in some way. If anything's been saying to you lately 'It'd be interesting to learn about this or that', perhaps it's worth further thought.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Kane,

One thing that may be helpful are Meetup groups. They are common interest groups on all sorts of topics and I have seen ones in the past along the lines of social anxiety, shyness, introversion etc. The idea is connecting with others like yourself or with similar interests to yourself. So if the group is for people with social anxiety or shyness you know you’ll have more chance to meet people similar to yourself. Or you could join one that links with a hobby you have. You can access them via the Meetup website and there is also a phone app. I no longer live near any place that holds them, but if you are in a city or a regional town of a decent size, there may be a group near you. You could try searching along the lines of social anxiety or an interest you have from their website/app and see if anything sounds like it might suit you. You can always go along to something and see if you like it or not.

I’ve come to realise I have social anxiety too which I kind of always knew but didn’t tend to look closely into. I’ve been feeling very isolated at the moment living on my own and at times have been severely depressed. But I do notice that positive interactions with others can shift the depression a lot. For example, today I had an appointment with one of the medical specialists I see for a health condition and she was so kind, helpful and supportive. I went from feeling extremely depressed earlier in the day to feeling quite different just from this interaction.

Often I think it is starting small and just doing something like saying hello to someone or maybe participating in a community volunteer activity where you are part of something with others but without it being too demanding. Even just a little social interaction can be uplifting. I know it can be challenging as I have chronically isolated myself and I am also trying to slowly reach out into the world.

Best of luck and I hope you can find some meaningful connections that fit well with you.