Unworthy - Is this my anxiety

[Whatsinaname]

Hi everyone,

I've been contemplating this for awhile now and was wondering if anyone else has the same feelings.

I am blessed with a happy health son and just found out I have a daughter on the way. I have a good job, that pays well, and they know about my mental health issues and are very understanding about it. Married to the love of my life, we have had our ups and downs but ups definitely out weight the downs. We are currently building our dream home, which going to look amazing.

What I can't seem to shake is that I don't feel worth of it all. Not only in the sense that it's unbelievable that these things are working out, but am I out side of my true self. I grew up with very little money, but loving parents, and now find myself quite comfortable (which is amazing in the current state of our economy) and can't shake the fact that I don't think I fit this mold. Like an impostor almost.

I have, and continue to, work very hard for everything we have. Am I chasing a dream that isn't mine though..

Anyway, happy to hear peoples thoughts/stories.

Thanks as always,

[gucia6]

Hi Whatsinaname,

Sometimes I have similar thoughts. But then I force myself from thinking and I am just focusing on being grateful for all of that.

I just recently was told by amazing person, that people amazing for who they are, not for what they achieved. I cannot say, that I fully understand that yet, but until then I did not realize how much I was measuring my own worth with whatever achievements (getting good grade at school, finishing studies, getting job, etc.). Growing up in environment where punishment and prize were based on reaching goals left deep mark.

[therising]

Hi Whatsinaname

It's an amazing feeling to observe yourself from the point of wonder. I wonder if this is the real me? I wonder why I have so much, whereas others don't. I wonder who I naturally am. So much wonder is exactly what makes you so wonderful.

If someone was to ask 'Why are we here?', I would say 'To naturally raise our self and those around us'. Whether we are raising our self from tolerating life to actually living life or we are raising our self to gain what our parents were unable to gain through their own circumstances, as long as all things are achieved through integrity and consideration, there is no harm done.

Is it possible that all that you see around you is evidence of you having raised your self to his point? If you are looking to understand who you naturally are, perhaps you are someone who has the amazing natural ability to raise yourself through the challenges you have faced throughout your life so far. Some challenges will have been easy and some more difficult. As a wife and mum of 2 kids, I do understand the challenges that come with raising our self to higher consciousness so we can grow with our kids and partner, as opposed to growing apart from them.

So, you are wonderful and a natural at life in so many ways. I have no doubt. Stay wonderful on your path of natural evolution. In the process of personal evolution there is self love to be found.

🙂

[Whatsinaname]

Thank you both for the responses.

I definitely feel I sometimes put to much worth on possessions, I attribute that to my anxiety though. I know it's strange but hear me out haha, I work my butt off to get ahead of the game because I constantly feel like I'm one step away from losing it all. I want my family to be set up no matter what happens to me. It's good in one way because I don't waste to much money on things I don't need, as I want to minimize debt as quickly as possible for the above reasons. Probably not the healthiest of mind sets but I look at it as one of the very few positives of having anxiety.

therising, thank you so much for the wonderful words. I don't really know how to unpack my thoughts into words right now but I want you to know that it really moved me.

[dadsgripe]

Hi Whatsinaname.

Reading your post is like reading my own life story in brief. I also have a happy and healthy family, and work hard to give them the best and to ensure that they want for nothing. My upbringing was also quite frugal, I had a single mum but also an available dad with no ill will between them.

Something I have come to realise though, while over working myself more regularly than I would like to admit, is that I am really just giving my family the things that I want for them, because of my own feelings of inadequacy, not necessarily what they want or expect. Our children really just want loving parents, they want our time, it’s as simple as that.

They may get accustomed to toys and other things, but we beat ourselves up too often trying to ensure they have the best of everything, fuelled by a media that encourages this sort expectation.

What you describe is like a form of ‘imposter syndrome’. I think many of us look at ourselves this way from time to time. For me, I reconcile it with the fact that I am not perfect, and NOBODY is. So we all have a little imposter inside of us. It certainly does not mean that we don’t deserve the things that we have.

Good luck on your journey!

B