Think I've developed an Eating Disorder & might need help.

[itsBoof]

A year ago, I weighed in at 128.2kg. I have always been big but never that big so I did something about it, I got married on the 28th April this year so with that goal in mind I dieted like crazy & began exercising. By my wedding day, I had lost 53kg and weighed 75kg.

Sounds great right? Yes, I’m unbelievably proud of myself, every time I’ve tried dieting I would last 6 weeks & lose 10-15kg then fall off the wagon & pile it all back on. But aside from physically feeling fantastic & having more self-confidence than ever before (gone from size XXL to S) it has become incredibly mentally draining on me to stay strict on myself.

Let me explain, I’ve always loved food, like really loved food. But now I feel like I can’t have a cheat meal or ingredient without feeling guilty or like I’ll pile it all back on. I weigh myself twice a day & stress about the number that awaits me.

My current diet is, every day:
-2 boiled eggs or muesli & fruit for breakfast
-Tin of tuna or salmon & some vegetables for lunch
-Either salmon/steak/chicken/lamb & vegetables for dinner
-Snacks include a banana or some nuts

I exercise at least 6 days a week by either walking/running/rowing/gym as well as do 120-150 push ups & sit ups every day.

What I need is to feel like I can get back into some sense of normal. It is affecting my social relationships & social life. I just got back from my honeymoon where I stuck to the same diet as above & didn’t touch an alcoholic beverage (I lost 1.5kg in 3 weeks). I avoid going out with friends because generally that involves drinks and/or bad food. My family & friends are worried about me & think I look borderline sick skinny at times, though I look down and still somewhat see that huge guy. I feel like if I eat bread again or some ice cream I’ll balloon out again so I avoid it all together. My fear is that the routine I have has me maintaining this weight so if I slack, I’ll blow back out. The couple of times I have slipped I can’t help myself and end up pigging out because I can’t avoid turning 1-2 slices of pizza into 6-7.

I’m stuck with the problem of ‘how do I convince myself to become ‘normal’ again. People continue to ask me when I am going to stop & how much longer, but I just can’t find the courage to try a healthy balance. I know I should be allowed a cheat meal here or there, I want to be able to go out with friends or to a restaurant & not have to look up the menu beforehand to see if it has something I’m allowed to eat.

[kanga_brumby]

7323 Welcome and hi it's great you have lost some weight and keep to a regimented food intake. Along with exercise it's a great way of keeping the weight down or off. But don't loose your self in there have some fun in there. From time to time have a piece of cake eat pizza have some fun in there. But not for to long go back to your diet after a day or two and exercise as well it's fine if you go up and down a little just not down to skin and bone.

peter

[james1]

Hi guest_7323,

My girlfriend has a very similar story to you actually. She lost about 30-40 kgs in a year and is now at about 70kg. Like you, she also takes care around junk, oil, alcohol...anything which will cause her to gain a lot of weight again. She also exercises regularly.

That said, she turns 2 slices of pizza into a full 8 slices. One chip becomes one packet.

I do not know what can be considered a normal way of life, but the most important thing is that you are feeling emotionally comfortable with whatever you are doing.

From what you've said, your lifestyle seems quite normal to me. You exercise a lot, you eat enough food...the part which seems to be making life a bit more difficult is that you seem to be avoiding social occasions and feel guilty and just don't seem to be overall happy with how things are.

I'm sad to hear that you do not like the lifestyle you are leading. Perhaps it's worthwhile having a little think about what would make you happy? It is true that even when you lose weight, it's easy to put back on again. But I would argue that once you have put together healthy habits like exercise and eating healthy food, it's easy to continue that as well.

A snack here or there isn't a bad thing, as you may know as well. It's all about moderation and being happy and comfortable.

I wonder if you have a GP who you can talk to about this. They may be able to help you themselves, or even ask you to speak to a counsellor who can help you work out what you are comfortable with. My girlfriend has no weight target. She is happy where she is, even if it doesn't go according to plan sometimes. What's important to her, and to me, is that she's happy.

James

[quirkywords]

Itsboof,

I have always thought that losing or gaining weight is easy but the hard part is maintaining the weight one wants.

For me weight loss and gain and I have done both over the decades, is more about my emotions than the food.

If I am feeling good about myself I will eat healthily.

You have done an amazing job losing the weight but now you are seeking a lifestyle you can maintain.

Iam not sure there is a 'normal' for eating as everyone has different needs.

I think talking to a doctor or a counsellor as James said may help.

I know that feeling of wanting to eat something without worrying about how fattening it may be.

I know that the more I worry about wanting to lose weight the more I gain weight.

Hopefully as you gain confidence in yourself and your ability to choose healthily, going out for a meal and a drink can become pat of your lifestyle.

I am interested in how you are going, so feel free to post when you can.

quirky