Hi Autumn_drift
I wish I was there with you, able to give you a shoulder to lean on and able to give you that hug you so desperately long for. I wish I was there so we could talk for hours about how incredibly hard it is to manage life at times, incredibly hard to the point of feeling torturous in some ways. While the forums here don't offer you that in person contact you long for, I hope they at least offer you some comfort in knowing you're not completely alone in your thoughts. There are other people here thinking of you at one of the hardest times in your life, if not the hardest time and we're here whenever you feel the need for a chat and support.
I've found sometimes there can be an inkling of a need to the point where we don't really notice it and sometimes we'll find it's grown a little to a basic need we can start to feel. Then it can grow to a significant need and then a massive one. And then, when that need's finally at its greatest, it can feel like a desperate one and even a depressing or anxiety inducing one that we've got no choice but to finally address. I think this can happen with the need for a circle of people who we can turn to at just about any time. As a 53yo gal, I've found this particular need (the one to find new people for my life) has become significant to the point where it plays on my mind at least once a week. I imagine it will eventually become a daily thought. The problem? How to establish new friendships as somewhat of an introvert who experiences a degree of social anxiety and where do I start looking for the kind of people I need? Was a little easier back in the school days where you were thrown into a situation with hundreds of other people your own age and kinda forced to find the tribe you vibe with.
Throughout my life I've joined circles of people based on a variety of developing needs yet have never felt the push to establish friendships within those circles. There's been a TAFE circle, work circles, a post natal depression group circle, spiritual circles (meditation, yoga, soulful self development etc), my husband's friendship circle and many more but, again, I never felt the push to establish solid friendships within those groups. There we almost always opportunities but I never took them. But now it's different, now with parts of my life disintegrating (not in an entirely bad way) the need to search for opportunity grows. While some cost money to join, other circles/tribes are free to join. Is there anything you feel a pull toward in the way of self development and support? Are you a mind, body or soul kind of person, craving intellectual, physical or soulful stimulation or all 3? With a dual purpose, could you consider researching whether there are any guided meditation groups in your area? In one way, this could help with managing your nervous system through your imagination (visual meditation) while perhaps leading you to the opportunity of eventually grabbing a coffee or such after sessions. I know, not easy, feeling the challenge of putting yourself out there. You'd be surprised by the number of people who join meditation groups for mental health reasons, something relatable. The greatest relationships are full of things we can relate to.
