Student Teacher Struggling on Internship

[Ranga-1]

I'm doing my internship (secondary). I  have had a few lessons go really bad (and I mean REALLY bad) on me and the mentor and supervising teachers have told me they're not happy with the standard I'm teaching at and they won't sign off my internship if they don't feel I'm ready. I'm so scared and upset. 

I completed a prac earlier this year and it went well. I was offered work from it. Now everything's going down the gurgler.

Also, I work in home care. I didn't realise I had been rostered to work this morning (Saturday - they know I am not available through the week at the moment). I have been so wrapped up in internship that I didn't check my roster app - and I'm generally not rostered on Saturdays. I got a call from on-call to see where I was. I had a shock and said I would get to the client's house straight away - which I did. Given I'm normally a reliable employee, I don't think there will be any repercussions. It just added to my general anxiety.

I hate this so much.

[Croix]

Dear Ranga-1~

If you step back for a moment and look you will see your are coping very well indeed in difficult circumstances. You have a husband who is chronically ill, a son who is a worry as his habits have changed and he seems to have lost motivation and  you have an anxiety condition that makes you worry excessively  and catastrophise.

On top of that you are nearing the end of your very demanding teaching qualification and also work in home care. You have the good prac under your belt and sound like you are the strong one in the family (no matter how you may feel inside).

Everyone gets worn down, and you have much more reason than many, you have been absent minded and maybe not at the top of your game with those particular lessons.

So you have had one bad episode, your lessons at this school with those particular students and a staff that does not sound supportive, simply critical. You certainly have enough mental resources to set lesson plans, and enough determination to finally make them work. Is there anyone there prepared to give you a hand?

Forgetting your roster is a minor thing, and you are far from alone in doing that - as you say yourself you got where you were supposed to be and all is good.

A while ago you were thinking of telling your family that you needed their understanding and help -to have two way street, did you go ahead?

Please do not be discouraged or doubt yourself, I am sure things seem worse to you  than they really are. I suffer from the same thing and it takes someone whose judgment I respect to make me realise I'm fearing the most unlikely very worst outcomes.

Croix

[Ranga-1]

Thank you so much for this! Yes, I spoke to my family and they were udnerstanding.

The school environment is very supportive. They were right to criticise me because my reflections tell me I ahve udnerperformed on this prac. We had a teams meeting with someone from teh uni yesterday because I am deemed at risk of not passing. I have a plan ot meeting targets over the next week before they decide whether htey will continue with the prac.

They have been very supportive and want to help me. They even told the uni coordinator that they have noticed improvement since they first spoke to me.

Thanks again. This has made me better. And yes, catastrophisation certainly does suck!

[Croix]

Dear Ranga-1~

I was very pleased for you having support at home as well as a good attitude by your school. Just knowing you have people trying for you can make big difference.

In your situation if it was me I'd feel a burden had been lifted just by knowing the school wanted me to pass and not feel htat had no faith in me.. It helps me have faith in myself. and not think about the worst possible outcomes nearly so much.

Now you have plan for the next week and people behind you I'd be most surprised if you did not come up with pretty good work.

If you would like to let us know how you go we'd be most interested for you

Croix

[Ranga-1]

Unfortunately, they did not feel I had met the goals they set and terminated the placement today. They said they had seen growth, but nto enough that they would sign me off as an intern to teach in a room on my own yet. They given me some ideas about how to improve for when I next attempt a placement. I know I will do better next time. Doesn't stop me from feeling very bummed, though.

[Croix]

Dear Ranga-1

I'm sorry to hear you did not manage ot complete this placement, however I"d be surprised if all htat many do. Getting some idea of what whent wrong is valuabele and I hope stands you in good next time.

Just becuse you did not make it this time should not really be a discouragement. You have some expereince now and your next time will be all the better for it.

you have hte hard end of teaching, I taught at uni and it was a dream in comparison. After the first half of semester 1 all the students htat were left were there becuse they wanted to be, and tried. I just has to shovel out the information and ensure they understood (and do the marking -ugh)

Croix