Struggling with meditation and mindfulness

[Kish14]

Hey everyone, I've been told so many times how much meditation and mindfulness helps but I seem to really struggle with it to the point where meditation seems to make my anxiety worse. I dread practicing meditation because I get so restless and can't focus or keep my eyes closed. Whenever it gets me to focus on breathing I struggle because no matter how hard I focus or how hard I try I can't seem to get those nice deep calming breaths that are supposed to help, I just get panic that I am struggling to get the oxygen my body so desperately needs.

Also, everyone talks about getting out in the fresh air and going on nature walks, but I don't know about anyone else but this actually terrifies me and I have no idea why. My flight reaction is always triggered and I just need to get out of there as soon as possible, for example, I went on a walk yesterday and the further I got away from my car the more anxiety I would have because my escape route is so far away. I find that it's hard to leave my home because my home has become my safe place where my support is and I just can't seem to support myself, I always long for someone to come save me because I doubt my abilities and just want someone to tell me I'm not as crazy as I think I am.

I know all of my fears are irrational, but I don't even understand why I have them because all of a sudden I have a crippling fear of heights or as mentioned before being in nature/outdoors. I just feel like I have no self-confidence with my bodies capabilities and experience so many physical side effects it terrifies me, the biggest one being my breathing all the time I catch myself breathless and I struggle to breathe and I just start to panic and can't stop it. I've been practicing different tools that are supposed to help but sometimes everything is a lost cause and nothing seems to help.

I'm sorry I know it's long and disjointed but I've just felt so alone, numb and disconnected and I just want to enjoy the things I used to and not be afraid of living my life basically and I want to become my own main support system, I know it's good to have others around but at the moment I just go running to someone for help instead of helping myself because it freaks me out more when they don't say what I want them to say or don't understand what I'm feeling.

Anyway thanks in advance from just another individual struggling to stay on top of anxiety 🙂

[quirkywords]

Kish

Thanks so much for your feedback and explaining clearly how you feel about your panic attacks and what you are trying.

it is great you have taken time to respond to people individually! People reading your thread will be able to relate to your posts and be reassured they are not alone.

You have been given very helpful suggestions. I am learning too from what you have written as I am always trying be calm and not worry so much.

So be reassured your responses are very useful and welcome.

Quirky

[RicardoD]

Hi Kish,

Never apologise for diverging, it's good to get your thoughts out. Sounds like anxiety breeds anxiety....which is like the old adage of trying harder and harder to get to sleep never works, then you forget about sleeping ....then boom, sleeping! Am not sure how to approach that one but can offer some guidance on the flying if that helps as I have that too. I love the view, but everything else scares the bejesus out of me, especially any turbulence. I love travelling, have been all over the world, but only once let my fear get the better of me. In the end I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some anxiety tablets for my flying - I only use for then and only for long-haul. It doesn't solve everything but does allow me to at least go where I went to go!

As for avoiding places where you had anxiety before, am not sure if digging into the fear of what made you anxious in the first place at each step would help? Often our imagination is far worse than the reality, our mind running a hundred miles an hour to think of every possible scenario and your brain just hinges on the worst one. Avoiding the entire place may sounds good short term but if it stops you going anywhere and doing what you want to do then it's worth trying to solve (yes, I know I solve it by drugs for flying, but I still fly! ha ha). I guess I can also equate it to not drinking. When most people give up drinking they do so by never going out again, which isn't giving up drinking, it's giving up going out. Eventually you have to go out again and master yourself, being around others that are drinking but being fine with it. Same with anxiety - embracing the little bit of fear, learning from it . . . bringing other peoples problems into your realm as too can be difficult. Again, I'd reach out to a psychologist to walk it through, sometimes they can help you try and find the reasons for it....

Keep us posted, wishing you the very best!