Struggling with meditation and mindfulness

[Kish14]

Hey everyone, I've been told so many times how much meditation and mindfulness helps but I seem to really struggle with it to the point where meditation seems to make my anxiety worse. I dread practicing meditation because I get so restless and can't focus or keep my eyes closed. Whenever it gets me to focus on breathing I struggle because no matter how hard I focus or how hard I try I can't seem to get those nice deep calming breaths that are supposed to help, I just get panic that I am struggling to get the oxygen my body so desperately needs.

Also, everyone talks about getting out in the fresh air and going on nature walks, but I don't know about anyone else but this actually terrifies me and I have no idea why. My flight reaction is always triggered and I just need to get out of there as soon as possible, for example, I went on a walk yesterday and the further I got away from my car the more anxiety I would have because my escape route is so far away. I find that it's hard to leave my home because my home has become my safe place where my support is and I just can't seem to support myself, I always long for someone to come save me because I doubt my abilities and just want someone to tell me I'm not as crazy as I think I am.

I know all of my fears are irrational, but I don't even understand why I have them because all of a sudden I have a crippling fear of heights or as mentioned before being in nature/outdoors. I just feel like I have no self-confidence with my bodies capabilities and experience so many physical side effects it terrifies me, the biggest one being my breathing all the time I catch myself breathless and I struggle to breathe and I just start to panic and can't stop it. I've been practicing different tools that are supposed to help but sometimes everything is a lost cause and nothing seems to help.

I'm sorry I know it's long and disjointed but I've just felt so alone, numb and disconnected and I just want to enjoy the things I used to and not be afraid of living my life basically and I want to become my own main support system, I know it's good to have others around but at the moment I just go running to someone for help instead of helping myself because it freaks me out more when they don't say what I want them to say or don't understand what I'm feeling.

Anyway thanks in advance from just another individual struggling to stay on top of anxiety 🙂

[IsaJett]

Hi Kish

maybe you can try a guided meditation video . I’m hopeless meditating on my own too ..lol I just get into my dark thoughts..its scary ..hahah

I use Jason Stephenson anxiety ..he usually guides you through a visual imagery which I found so enjoyable . I think that be an awesome place for you to start ...and when you get better ...you can do it on your own . I have been using him for a long time about 3 -4 years now and I’m embarking on recording my own mediation using him as my inspiration...lol

Good luck with it ...keep posting and let us know how you are progressing .

[quirkywords]

kish

I am welcome you to the forum and thanks for being honest abnout your struggles that many people can relate to.

You are not crazy at allas you are just trying to help yourself and make sense of all the advice . Many of us here are trying too as well.

i keep trying with mi dfulness and have decided to focus one thing at a time and not worry that others seem to find mindfulness easy. just take what you can from mediation and mindfulness and find something that suits you. Isa has written some helpful suggestions too.

There is a thread you may like to browse. it is a long thread and very friendly to everyone and there are new people posting there.

It is under staying well, or look through the search engine.

Mindfulness: What Is It? (Even if you dont know please post so we can help grow the forums!

Thanks again or your honest post.

You are not alone and there is support here.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Dear Kish

Hello and welcome to the forum. Anxiety can be overwhelming and affects so many other things in your life. It's not a feeling "I'm anxious about going out" and that's all there is. The anxiety seems to ramp up to include other activities until we find ourselves a prisoner in our own homes. It seems you have almost reached this point.

Willpower does not always or even often work. True there are occasions when we can 'make' ourselves do something but it often results in a refusal to try again. So what can you do? You said, I've just felt so alone, numb and disconnected and I just want to enjoy the things I used to and not be afraid of living my life basically and I want to become my own main support system. The need for help is OK. We all need this from time to time but when you try so hard not to ask it becomes yet another mountain to climb. Or when you cannot ask or explain what you need and get disappointed it reinforces the idea that you should not ask.

May I ask why you started to meditate? Was it because you could do this on your own and therefore be your own support? Meditation is different for each person and there are various types of meditation. I meditate in the biblical tradition by repeating a prayer word. There is no breath control necessary or anything else. Sounds easy doesn't it? Not at all. I have the same problem as you. Not with breathing but in concentrating on my word and stopping my mind wandering off to other things.

If deep breathing makes you panic don't do it. Let yourself breath as you wish and your body will help itself. It's a case of going with what works rather than forcing yourself into a process used by others. As they say, horses for courses. Guided meditation works for some and is worth trying. Be aware of your posture. No use trying to sit in awkward positions as this will distract you. The only rule I know is to sit in a chair and have your spine erect. Hands can lie in your lap or anywhere it feels comfortable. That's all.

Practice simply sitting and being. No need for words or thoughts. Simply enjoy being still and quiet. You will of course have thoughts in your head but you can say, "I know you're there but I don't want to engage with you." The process is to help you relax and let your mind rest. Getting upset, not breathing, feeling cross or feeling a failure is not helpful.

Have you thought of joining a meditation group? Talk more later.

Mary

[RicardoD]

Hi Kish,

The fear of leaving your safe place I think goes beyond what meditation can provide - I assume you're seeing a psychologist or any kind of professional help? I can't say I've felt exactly the same but certainly when I thought the anxiety got too much I went and saw a psychologist to help me find the reasons to why I was feeling the way I did. As for breathlessness, again perhaps a doctor if you think it's more serious . . .

If it's purely all stress related and just to do with mindfulness and worried that you can't meditate, I find that sometimes my head just cant' do it. However, I do find that just sitting in the comfort of my own home and having some tea in total silence, just staring out the window with eyes wide open and some deep breathing occasionally just helps calm the mind. Can only speak for me of course, but lots of inputs of television, radio, music, phone, ipad, computer etc just sometimes gets too much so the silence and a simple hot cuppa help immensely. 20 mins later I'm usually feeling a bit calmer.

Good luck with it in the interim anyway, please post again and let us know how you've gone. Best wishes, Ricardo

[Kish14]

That sounds great thank you, I always struggle with just listening to the words and am very much a more visual person so I will definitely give this a try to keep my brain focused on something! Good luck with your own videos!

[Kish14]

Thank you, it's always reassuring knowing that what I'm feeling isn't as unusual as I am always thinking it is! Just during the hard periods, I can't find anything that works, but when I'm doing okay and thinking clearly everything seems easier and I can focus better. When I am having one of my panic attacks sometimes I can't stop the spiral and I feel like the everything is coming tumbling down and until I get out of the situation I can't calm down but as soon as I'm off that plane or down that mountain I can think better and breath better. I guess what I'm most terrified about is that something is going to happen to me and I won't be able to get help or I'm far away from help, even though there is no immediate threat and the possibility of anything that I'm thinking happening is very very slim!

I'll definitely look through that thread as well, I'm ready to get real with helping myself and actually face all of my problems instead of using the blissful ignorance strategy that I've gotten good at until I'm at breaking point!

As I said before when in panic mode I can't think about much else than the panic that I'm feeling and can't take a mental step back to assess the situation and calm myself down. But when I'm doing well or starting to feel the anxiety creeping up I can try using the mindfulness strategy for some positive self-talk and practice non-reactivity to situations but for the life of me, I can't summon these skills during a panic attack as my mind is too frantic to think clearly.

[Kish14]

Thanks Mary,

I go through waves of different levels of anxiety and some of the time I can go out and do things and enjoy myself and I feel on top of the world and it feels like I'll be okay, but then days later something happens and it throws me off balance and I feel like I go back to square one! I've always known that I've always been a stress head and over thought everything but until a few months ago I didn't realize how bad I had let it get. I never knew much about anxiety or how to deal with it I would always just act tough and grin through it then celebrate when it was over, so again I've been living in blissful ignorance and now I regret it because I could have gotten on top of it earlier and understood it more. I understand now that it's not going to be a quick and easy fix and I'll have to work hard and learn when I need to look after myself and take time out for myself.

I've started meditation because I've always just distracted myself hoping the feeling would pass, but I would find my mind was always active and that feeling wouldn't go away even after sleeping. I'm just trying to settle my mind so I can relax and not overthink future outcomes or past happenings. There is just so much going on around me that I worry about everything under the sun is wrong with me but I got to a naturopath and the problems I convinced myself I had, she proved them negative and my results were better than I thought but there is always that nagging voice in my head coming up with something else to worry about.

They are some great tips because just sitting there with my thoughts is what scares me and I've always just made sure there was something to distract me rather than listening to those thoughts and dismissing them with logic and reason.

I haven't heard of meditation groups but I am moving soon and might look once I get there because I will be away from most of my support and will need something like that to help me get through the stress of the move!

[Kish14]

Thanks, Ricardo,

As I only really started getting on top of it a few months ago because no one really understood how bad it was (including myself) so I never sought professional help until a month ago I went to someone who does rapid transformational therapy. That was great and I was doing well then I went on a holiday and things happened, my anxiety started to creep up again but I did the wrong thing and ignored it thinking that I was doing better but it just got worse and worse until on the plane home where I was a mess and was so stressed out for the 4 hour flight and hours after it, it affected me mentally and physically and it's taken me a few days of relaxing and taking time for myself to calm it and get back under control. Please note flying has always been one of my biggest fears, even though I've had the privilege of flying all over the world, it doesn't get any easier apart from the flight to New Zealand after I was in a good state of mind and did really well so I thought I was going to be fine on the way home but it was the worst I've ever been.

I seem to get anxiety about having anxiety and try to avoid activities or places that I associate with where I've had anxiety attacks or if I think it might spike my anxiety. I always get so frustrated when everyone else is so fine doing everything and they are so carefree, but for me, I have to go through an extensive mental battle before and during just to be able to get through some things. Other times I'm feeling great and doing well then all of a sudden my anxiety will catch me off guard and I'll just to a 180 turn and everything gets hard again for reasons I don't know.

That also frustrates me just not knowing why I'm stressed out, I try to change my mindset with positive speaking and get to the root of it but sometimes I can't get to the bottom of the problem. I'm just too in my own head without realizing and I am easily influenced by what's happening around me and what I hear, I convince myself that other peoples problems are my problems even though I know I don't have what they have and I'm healthier than I have ever been. I'm just really trying hard and making sacrifices and it sometimes all feels in vain.

Gosh, I have a lot bottled up, I'm sorry for so many long responses and tangents my mind goes off to many different places very fast!

[White_Rose]

Hello Kish

Sorry not to reply earlier. The world does have habit of messing up our best laid plans.

I too am nervous about flying and have had to 'make' myself get on plane at times. However it has become a little easier and I try to talk to my seat mate if I can. Taking off and landing are the worst parts I think.

These kinds of worries do have a habit of coming out of left field when we least expect. This is why it's important to have strategies ready to deal with them. If possible practice beforehand to help you move more easily into a coping mode.

Meditation is not a cure all but it can be part of the healing. I talked to a psychiatrist about it once and he agreed I could not simply move into a mediation when I had a panic attack. Daily meditation helps to quiet your emotions and spirit and keep you in touch with yourself. I know that sounds a bit airy fairy but it does work. When your mind wanders simply acknowledge it and return to your meditation. Over time I found it was good for me as my whole outlook became calmer.

Many people on the forums use an app called Smiling Mind. I think everyone who has used it comments on how helpful it is. Perhaps you can look at this. No matter what process you use it will take time to be comfortable because your brain would like you to keep doing what you are doing now. By far the easier way. If you live in chaos the mind will simply keep going.

Have you heard of neuroplasticity? It is what happens to the brain when it saves events as memories or discards events. It used to be thought we could not learn new things as we get older but this has been disproved. Here is a web address that may be useful. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/heal-your-brain/201107/neuroplasticity-and-depression Have a look and perhaps you may want to research other sites. Just be careful which sites you get the information from as like all things, some are more reliable than others.

I found just knowing about this helped me enormously because I discovered I could change my thinking. Think of it as changing your daily walk from a broad well trodden path to one further along where there is only a faint path or none at all. Your job is to make the new path broad and well trodden by continually walking on it. The old path will fall into disuse and become overgrown again. The new path becomes your default option and becomes embedded in your brain while thinking in different ways becomes easier.

Mary