Struggling to find motivation: panic disorder, agoraphobia and generalised anxiety disorder.

[blackandwhite]

First time poster here, desperately seeking out words of encouragement!

Recently I was officially diagnosed with panic disorder, agoraphobia and GAD, although I have been struggling with it for years. I have learnt to manage the anxiety to an extent, but lately the agoraphobia and subsequent panic attacks have become debilitating.

I struggle to catch the train and often have to get an all stops train in fear of being trapped, extending my daily commute to 2.5 hours each way- a trip which usually takes an hour. It is becoming exhausting and effecting so many aspects of my life. I have attempted to use the meditative devices my psychologist has suggested but these seem to fail, making me less inclined to try as I am scared of failing. I'm becoming her disheartened and feel like this is consuming my life at the moment as I'm struggling to stay on top of studies simply due to attendance. I am also struggling as I know my issues are effecting my relationship, my partner tries to help by being understanding but it's so hard to explain these things to people as I fear I sound irrational.

I am determined to finish my semester of study without withdrawing, so I am posting today to get some words of wisdom or encouragement from people who have overcome acute agoraphobia or panic disorders. I want to know what your tips for having a successful journey/overcoming a panic attack or your biggest success story.

[Sunflowerrs]

I can really empathise blackandwhite. Iv'e also struggled with all of the above. The things that have helped me are being super kind to myself. (whatever that looks like) For me its giving myself permission to really take care of myself, watching netflix, having a bath - just finding where I feel most calm and really nurturing that feeling. My room is my safe place, so I make it really comfortable and stress free. Its not all solved, but I find all this helps to ease the anxiety.

Hoping things get better for you. all the best.

[Croix]

Dear Blackandwhite~

First off -it isn't (black and white that is). It is a series of victories with setbacks - sometimes major ones, but a series nevertheless. Please don't blame yourself it it does not always work, you are trying against large odds.

I've had chronic anxiety for a great many years, and thanks to meds, therapy (formal and self-guided), plus coping trechniqies I live a pretty normal life.

I could not have done this all by myself, nor with just a psycologist (who cannot prescribe), nor without an understanding and supportive partner.

It sounds as if your anxiety is as out of control as mine has been, and my strategy included my GP and meds plus a psychiatrist. It also included self-rewards, doing things in steps, and avoiding as far as possible thngs that added to the base levels of stress (for me the News was one, there were many others). I give that as an example, no doubt your stressors are different.

Rewards included diving into a book after a task was accomplished (such as talking to someone I was worried about talking to) and similar -could be chocolate -dunno what you like or find peacful.

Sounding irrational is not a problem - after all it is. I was scared of going to my mailbox, yes the one at the bottom of my driveway. I'm not scared now because I turned it into a rewarding experience by occasionaly ordering a book or something I liked via the mail. This gave me an incentive to go look.

You get the idea?

I'd go talk to the mental health unit -if you have not already - at your place of study. Should be completly confidential and can help with deadlines and other things.

I did not find my wife had to know exactly waht was in my head, though she got pretty good at seeing a trigger. The fact she loved and tried was a boon. Your partner can read The Facts menu above if that helps.

Try the app Smiling mind iPhone or Android -I find it a great help when anxious. Have a look and see how others coped in this forum.

Please post again and say how you are going

Croix

[blackandwhite]

Thank you for telling your story, that alone is encouraging as I know I'm not the only one that has experienced this. The other day I had a successful trip to and from university thanks to the help of meds but today I'm feeling like I'm back to square one again, leaving the house was most definitely a huge struggle. I'm still not confident enough to do simple things like going out to dinner or to make plans with friends which involve travel which sucks. I'm feeling pretty lonely and isolated which is only adding to the anxiety.

Although, I did reach out to my disability services unit at uni and we are working towards education alterations which allow me to do more study from home.

I also have a huge challenge in the up coming months: catching a flight. I used to be the most confident flyer but now I dread it, so here's hoping things improve before this otherwise I feel like I may have to cancel the trip.

Sometimes I feel like it's 1 step forward and 20 steps back, but I'm really trying to stay on top of it.

A hopeful blackandwhite

[blondguy]

Hi B&W

This is a real struggle. I have had identical disorders since 1983 and it takes a lot of patience, time and dogged determination driving the road to recovery.......but it can be done

You have really well by reaching out to disability services at uni and taking meds for this too!

The Agoraphobia is a branch off the anxiety tree. The agoraphobia does decrease in intensity with regular counseling and meds. I had weekly counselling for 7 seven months when I had huge difficulty leaving the house and the free public mental health care worker (psychiatric nurse) gave me my life back

This is temporary and will decrease in severity B&W

I hope you can post back and let us know how you are going (again) 🙂

Great to have you on the forums

my very best for you

Paul

[blackandwhite]

Hi Paul,

Certainly some days are far more difficult than others, I feel like I'm losing the motivation to even try because I've been met with failure multiple times now e.g. having a meltdown and having to return home. At the moment uni is just more stress and I'm just about ready to explode. I don't want to withdraw and disappoint everyone but its becoming a huge struggle for me right now.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to get better for the sake of everyone else around rather than myself, which is probably extremely counterproductive to my treatment. I haven't quite clicked with my current psych and feel I'm not making the most out of my sessions (he seems to talk more than I do). I'm not sure what the norm is for sessions but perhaps it's time to seek out different help.

Ahhhhhhh I'm feeling super overwhelmed at the moment

B&W

[blondguy]

Hi B&W

Being stuck between a rock and hard place is a bad place to be in..I hear you

You did just say something really well above...."Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to get better for the sake of everyone else around rather than myself"

This can be a pain. I used to be the same....at my own expense. Its not a matter of being selfish but acknowledging that your health comes first and all other considerations are secondary.

If you psych is making you feel uncomfortable by asking questions he is doing a good job. If he actually gets through your 'natural barriers' and makes you cry (vent your feelings) he is exceptional.

You are in a safe place if you wish to talk about how you feel when you are 'super overwhelmed'. I used to call it mentally exhausted and/or drained..I know it takes a lot of our energy

Thanks for posting back too 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul