Struggling to communicate my feelings to my partner

[Princess_Peach]

Hey everyone,

I'm really struggling to communicate with my partner about my emotions and how I feel. Whenever he asks me how I am or if I'm okay I have this compulsive response of "I'm fine" even if I'm not feeling great. A lot of the time my mind starts to race with thoughts about what the "right" thing to say is or just trying to guess myself what exactly I'm feeling. My body just freezes up and I literally can't make words come out of my mouth. It feels like I'm paralysed and my mind goes into overdrive. He gets super frustrated with me and says that I'm not clear in what I say but I just don't know how to talk about feeling anxious or depressed or sad or angry and it just feels so dumb when I say it out loud. He's never judged me when I have talked about my feelings so I don't know why I can't talk to him.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get better at communicating how I feel?

[tranzcrybe]

Hi PP,

My help for you is from my experience with dementia sufferers (but please don't read anything into that - there is no need for alarm).

Communication is difficult when the pathways become clogged with too much (in your case), or misdirected (in dementia cases), information. In either case, the words just won't come out - at all, or in poorly organised words.

The more you try, the worse it gets.

Perhaps when asked how you are feeling, you might find it helpful to acknowledge the question and ask for some time to get your thoughts in order, before the conversation starts. How long that is depends on how you are actually feeling at the time, but it's up to you when you are ready.

Also, making arrangements for a comfortable place to begin, can help put you in a better frame of mind. Making a warm drink can also mentally prepare you for a relaxed discussion.

I think your partner will respect your request and be more supportive as much as feeling needed.

Regards,

t.

[geoff]

Hello Princess_Peach, thanks for posting your comment.

If I can suggest a scenario, which may or may not have already happened, but when you say 'I'm fine', then you may both do something that in particular, you are not too pleased about doing, which could make you feel worse and you are unable to pretend and a disagreement may occur, then is this making your situation better or worse.

You have every right to explain how you are feeling, that's developing trust between the two of you, and once anybody tells me 'I'm fine', they usually aren't as soon as I discuss a topic concerning them.

If you feel worried about his reaction, then write down what's going on and when you feel anxious or depressed or sad or angry it's too hard to try and hide it.

Talk about it because it maybe something he's doing that upsets you.

Geoff.

[Whatsinaname]

My wife is my rock, but for years I couldn't tell her about my problems.

I know it might seem silly but I also really struggle to communicate my feelings, so we text. Even right next to each other. It gives me the headspace to articulate what I'm thinking.

At first it felt a bit impersonal, but it seems to work and we can have some really deep conversations without saying a word.