Struggling to clear my mind

[lillicat]

Hi...  I am new to this.  I can't stop stressing.  I am overwhelmed with problems.  I actually feel like screaming and curling up into a ball.  How do I clear my head and relax?

I visited my doctor at the start of the year for my anxiety.  I went on medication to help cope and went to some sessions with a psychologist.  I went off the medication after 6 months.  I wanted to have a second child, but I can't stop thinking about all the negative what ifs.  I am terrified of hospitals and I have an intense fear of obstetricians.  I thought I would be okay, but I'm not.  So I have let my partner down. 

I don't really have anyone to talk to.  My partner just doesn't understand.  It seems like he is sick of hearing the same concerns over and over.  He just thinks I am worrying for no reason.  I just want him to hug me and say everything is going to be fine. 

I am struggling with work at the moment.  I have been finding it very stressful lately which isn't helping.  I worry about being sacked on a regular basis and not being able to pay my huge mortgage.

Thanks for reading.

[Beltane]

Hi 😄 yep you seem to have the very classic anxiety type of feelings- excessive worry about anything and everything. and no matter what you try to tell yourself, or how many people try to reassure you, or how often your partner has to try to calm you its just not working, right?!

because as you know im sure, anxiety is a mental illness (though i prefer the term "mentally interesting"). it is caused by several factors- chemical imbalance in our brains (serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are just some, and adrenaline is another one thats pretty high in anxious people), lifestyle factors such as traumatic past experiences, behavioural factors such as lack of coping skills/ negative thinking patterns.

please call BeyondBlue if you are feeling particularly overwhelmed and need someone to talk to at any time, otherwise ensure you have a good GP (you must trust them!!), and please consider going back on a medication. medications help balance the chemicals in our head which eases our symptoms (plus helps us sleep, eat, think clearly and remained calmer etc). while obviously a "no-medication" pregnancy IS the ideal- there are plenty of women who need to be on medications of all kinds during pregnancy. there are several psychiatric medications that are considered "safe" during pregnancy. also worth considering that uncontrolled stress releases hormones in our body that arent good for a growing baby either- its about balancing the pro's and cons and only a doctor can do that.

please print out some of the anxiety information pages of beyondBlue's website to hand to your partner. it is important that he understands that just because an illness is in our brains doesnt mean its not real! if the heart can get sick, and the liver can get sick, the brain can get sick too- and anxiety is one way it can get sick (and 1 in 5 people experience a mental illness in their lives, so you are certainly not alone!).

also please consider finding a different therapist. there are lots of different types of therapy, so if you didnt find any relief or help with your last psychologist, try another one who will try a different type of therapy! ensure you access your Mental health care plan through your GP so you can get the cheap visits.

it can and will get better- i have anxiety, bipolar 2 and depression, and i lead a happy, stable, normal life, i am now well enough to work full-time, have a happy relationship, and am free of needless anxiety- you can do it to, please have hope!

[Beltane]

oh! and i love to recommend a book called "the Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris, it is based on a therapy that i have found EXTREMELY helpful called "acceptance and commitment therapy". it has many great strategies for coping with these anxious thoughts so that you can return to living a normal life without all this excess stress.

I also love the following iphone apps:

Smiling Mind (guided meditation- really good app- even counts your meditating minutes, gives you achievements, has easy and hard meditations so you progress to harder levels)

Get Some Headspace (another guided meditation app i also really enjoyed, also has short/ long easy/ hard meditations and you progress through levels)

ACT Companion (my ultimate favourite app, also based on ACT therapy, has lots of fun litlte 5-10 minute exercises you do on your phone to help you learn coping skills, to learn to refocus your attention onto helpful thoughts rather than anxious thoughts, and act in accordance to your true values and morals. I love this app. its also about to get a new update to fix a bug it has, and add some new features)

[lillicat]

Thanks very much for your reply.

I have tried meditation before. It was helpful. I will have to check out those apps.

[geoff]

dear Iillicat, welcome to the site, and thanks for posting your comment.

I can't say much more than what Beltane has said to you, because it was very good information.

What I would like to ask you is it all obstetricians, that is male as well as female that you are frightened of, or just male in particular.

When we want help and support from our spouse or partner and all they do is close the door on us, this creates a barrier, and from there on it also begins to stop our intimate details, because the attachment we both had of each other is now fading.

The other s/partner should be given the chance to learn about depression, but we can't force them, simply because it won't work, they need to be encouraged, however this may not be an easy task, which could mean that you maybe on your own, but it's too much for you to handle by yourself.

What we have to do is to weed out those that you haven't clicked with, because there will be one somewhere along the way, and that's hard work, but it's important, as I had to go through about 6 psych's before I found the one that suited me, and I stayed with her for 20 odd years.

Please let us know how you have felt about the information that Beltane has suggested. L Geoff. x

[lillicat]

Thanks for your reply.

It's all obstetricians. No matter how caring or rude they seem. They are all scary.

I seem to worry about anything and everything. It's exhausting. Trying to gain enough courage to go back to the doctor as I need the medication at this time.