Struggle to get out of bed even thou I feel like I'm letting work down!

[Lostdreaminglover]

I have suffered from aniexty my whole life but I do have a stack of other labels too. Bi pola, borderline personality disorder and depression. My main issue right now thou is aniexty about going to work. I just can't get out of bed, I have this guilt about taking time off to get better and forget that I do have an illness. My work is understanding arm but when is it going to stop and them to say to me enough is enough. I'm scared and don't know how to fix this. I want the step I used to have about work, I do love my job and I don't want to lose but I feel my illnesses take over every aspect of my life. I spend all day in my room/bed then all night. I have no energy to do sport ( and can't do anything crazy due to accident late last year) 

How do I get my morning step back, how does one feel good in the morning and doesn't have panic attacks. I gag and heave until I've called in sick then I lay there all day feeling awful about it but I just know I couldn't of got up and gone.. 

Also one other thing that happened that could be playing a big part is my friend attempted suicide at a wedding a few days ago and I had to keep my cool and help her. It was awful, not sure if this is effecting me somehow also. 

Anyhelp would be amazing.. 

I feel so helpless. 

[Narniakid]

Hi Lostdreaminglover, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

First of all, there's a very good chance that your friends' recent suicide attempt is affecting you; suicide not only harms the person themselves, it leaves a horrible mark on the people around them. No wonder you're not feeling too good! Is your friend receiving professional treatment? It is important to support your friend, however don't take on their problems as your own. Look after yourself, but lend a hand and be a good friend to your loved ones as well.

Regarding you job, do you like it? Are you paid enough? Are you getting a feeling of satisfaction from it? If the answer to any of these is no, then I'd say the anxiety is a reaction to your workplace environment; there's nothing more off putting than going to a workplace you hate. If you do still love your job, try and use the motivation of your pay as something to strive for. Perhaps you can save up for a holiday? Some new clothes? A rewards system is a good place to start regarding motivating yourself.

Remember that anxiety thrives on avoidance; the longer you stay at home instead of going to work, the longer the anxious thoughts stick around. You have to take action and make that change!

Crystal 

[Neil_1]

Hi there LDL

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here to provide your post.

It’s awesome that you’ve been reached out to by NarniaKid – who is an exceptional person on our site and always provides great advice and care to people, as she’s done for you also.

The work issue is a big one as you have suggested and Narnia Kid has asked some key questions in regard to it.  I’ve been in a number of different areas in my profession over the years – some good places, some ok, one in particular absolutely horrible, while the area I’m in now is a very good one.  How you feel about your work can determine greatly your mood.

For me, good places generally had me able to get to work on most occasions;  ok ones, not so much – the horrible one actually had me so ‘out of my comfort zone’ that I had to see extended time off (which while being away from work was good in a sense, the bottom line wasn’t – and so if it gets to that level, a change HAS to happen).  Where I currently am, is a great place and I’m very fortunate.  Good job, good people – makes a massive difference – as we tend to spend a large portion of our days at work.

So it’ll depend a lot on how you answer this, plus also NarniaKid’s questions as to how we can go about best (hopefully) advising you or at least giving you possible suggestions.

The recent experience of your friend attempting suicide must have been incredibly traumatic.  Not only the event that it was attempted at, but the fact that it is still only very raw – so very recent for you.

And again as NK suggested, we hope your friend is most importantly in a better place now but also is getting the right kinds of support and assistance.

But also for yourself, being subjected to something like this would definitely be a source of major concern and stress for you – so I hope that you’ve been able to, or will be able to soon, get to see someone professional to talk about and discuss this.

I would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Haze]

Hey LDL,

The fear of losing your job is debilitating, I totally can relate to how you are feeling there.  
You mentioned that work understands so that in itself is a positive. Have you spoken to your manager/team leader/supervisor about what is going on? As employers they have to show some sort of understanding and support but it also depends on to what extent they know what is actually happening. Sometimes talking to a superior about what is going on can be daunting because it is an added fear of will I lose my job because of what has been disclosed. As privacy and confidentiality, discrimination and duty of care are a massive thing in the work place if they were to fire you because of this you would have grounds for legal action, no company  wants this. So if they can get a proper understanding then they can maybe put steps in place to support you.
Im going to ask a few questions and I hope it doesnt confuse or overwhelm you. 
Are you able to reduce your hours, is there that flexibility with your hours ie like starting later perhaps, is there capacity for you to work from home (obviously depending on what industry you work for). Have you exhausted all leave entitlements, and if not have you considered taking your leave entitlements?  If you have exhausted all leave there are other options you can look into. If you have income protection look through the information to see if your policy would cover this situation, there is payment through centerlink called sickness allowance that you can apply for which is available for as long as you need in conjunction with a medical cert from your GP. This is to give you time away from the anxiety of the feelings of letting them down and losing your job to focus on yourself and get the help and support you need. It is important to focus on yourself.
Witnessing an attempt of suicide is traumatic so dont dismiss your feelings. Dont force yourself or have anyone force you to confront it immediately if your not truly ready to do so, this can sometimes prolong your recovery.  

I hope this helps you. All the best mate