Stressed to the point where I'm panicking

[cactusjump]

Heyo.

Don't really post on these things, but hope you're good whoever is reading this!

Over the past month, I've found that my anxiety, the voice in my head, and the worry about insignificant things are getting much worse. I've written a list of the things that I've been struggling with:

• My boyfriend broke up with me suddenly earlier this week - just to top everything off...
• I often find that my heart will race inside my chest as if I'm running a marathon, as soon as something small happens.
• Last week at work it got so bad to the point where I had to go to the change rooms as I was struggling to breathe.
• I worry about the smallest of things, down to the font on an email I send to my boss, and I often spend 15 minutes proofreading an email to either a colleague or someone I get along with.
• Last week, I sent a message to a friend asking for someone, and they didn't see it for 30 minutes. But I spent the next 30 minutes genuinely stressed out of my mind that I'd asked something too much of them.
• I spend so much time at home drafting my response to *if* something happens - which it almost never does. But I have this need to do this so that I'm ok if it does. For example, I'll worry that I'll get in trouble for something at work, and the night before I'll need to prepare how I'll argue/discuss this with my boss.
• I always second-guess myself. All the time.
• I get scared that I'm a burden on people and feel the need to get out of everyone's way both physically and practically, but in person I seem like a confident and out-going person.
• I am petrified of conflict and confrontation, even though it's my job to in a people-facing role. I've had times when I'm trying to have a serious discussion with a customer, an important person or the police and I can barely get the words out of my mouth or say the completely wrong thing.
• I often panic about things that happened in the past, yesterday, last week, last month or years ago. I worry that I made a wrong decision, and it's always on my mind.

I know the first thing that probably comes to your mind whoever read this is that they're stressed over their job they should find a new job. But, I love the people I work with, and I often find that working avoids my anxiety at home or elsewhere.

I think that my "worrying nature" and anxiety is more of a problem than my boyfriend breaking up with me, I know I can get over the latter but the first I am genuinely struggling with.

Thanks for reading!

[tranzcrybe]

Hi cactusjump,

Sorry to say I am no 'good' at this, but, based on your post, I'm sure you are keen for some reply ASAP.

I hear you - you have a very active mind, covering all bases. That is generally a good trait but the saying 'you can't have too much of a good thing' can be overestimated.

I'm sure others will be keen to add some useful advice - I don't have a very active mind and will try to read your post a little more before coming to any understanding.

Hang in there!

[tranzcrybe]

Okay, cj,

I think it's safe to say you are a bit of a perfectionist - me too, actually. Usually, you would make a good barrister... they always know the answers before asking the question.

But life isn't an interrogation (one way or the other) and most people are pretty reasonable about human nature and fallibility. So my first input for you is to try to avoid judging the opinions of others (at least until you know for sure).

There are infinite possibilities and you are wearing yourself out over the 'infinity minus one' outcome.

Hope this helps a little to start 🙂 (but do heed more informed opinion from others...)

[tranzcrybe]

See? I told you I was no good at this... Welcome to the forums! BTW, you are not being a burden here and you can speak freely and without judgment - everyone has their own story and I think that's where you will find much support.

When did you first notice the need to 'manage' things? Was there anything that you feel caused this response? Sometimes these harmless beginnings grow into monsters.

[ecomama]

Hi cactusjump

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you have major anxiety. Have you sought professional help for these issues?

Many of the things you put in dot points are things that many people would want to be good at eg sending a colleague an email, talking to the boss about an issue and also plenty of people, if not all normal people, want to avoid conflict.

It sounds like you're immensely concerned about what others think of you? I'm not much for that stuff, I only care about what SOME people think of me. And I'll add that if a long time friend of mine gives me "advice" on a matter they have no experience with?
Yeah water off a duck's back. I politely thank them for their concern and nothing more.

No one's perfect so "being a perfectionist" is a waste of time.

Alternatively accepting imperfection as normal is a far better path to joy, love and wholehearted living. See Brene Brown's work online. She has a brilliant Netflix special also.

Once you shed the ropes of "perfectionism" you'll be freer and possibly alot better company for yourself most especially.

EM

[CyP]

Hi cactusjump

Thank you for sharing your experience and im very sorry to hear about what you are going through . It sounds like your body signs and thought patterns are trying to tell you that you are under a lot of stress. I understand those unhelpful thoughts and second-guessing thinking can be rather exhausting, and it can be counter-productive when you are working and interacting with people in real time .

I find confrontations SO difficult too because it stirs emotions, which it can cloud our thinking, judgement and ability to respond when we need those the most. Not a fan of that !

I wonder if you have someone to speak to (or have spoken to someone) about your stress and anxiety?

I'm also curious , when you are feeling as you described, is there something you are found useful to break that cycle , or to take your mind off the distress? Such as going for a walk or mini distractions ? A cuppa ? Breathing exercises ? Some exercise ?

It seems tht you are already quite aware of your thought patterns and intense physiological signs when you are under stress and panic. Like most things , it starts with noticing, awareness, and acknowledgement, and its great to hear you are insightful into your triggers and the way your mind/body respond. What gets in the way is the way... I hope you will continue to explore those, and perhaps find ways to address some of those thought patterns?

Thanks again for sharing , and the online community is here should you wish to come back for a comment or an update, whenever you feel up for it .

Warm wishes,

CP

[Scaff]

Hi CJ,

Thankyou for having the courage to post, it's really helping me to unpack what's going on personally for me. I hope my reflections on your post, and my own situation, help you.

Others noted the idea of perfectionism; it strikes me that that perhaps it's worth understanding what is driving that perfectionism behaviour. For me personally it's not a question of getting everything perfect for the sake of perfection, it's a question of avoiding some sort of terrifying outcome. I haven't yet been able to put my finger on what it might be, personally, but suspect it has something to do with disappointing/angering others and that starting catastrophic thinking. Does that sound familiar to you also?

I've heard it mentioned that this continual, ongoing nervousness is us psychologically preparing for a negative emotional event. I too review past decisions and scold myself heavily for mistakes. Do you think it's a quest for perfection, or a fear that you have done something wrong for which there will be repercussions. Perhaps a feeling of "now you've done it, now you're in trouble", and when looking back on past mistakes a fear of discovery prompting terror, like a wild cat covering their vomit to avoid detection (sorry for the analogy, but it's one that works for me). Maybe that resonates with you too?

What this all adds up to is an ongoing state of alertness: reviewing past mistakes that may indicate future jeopardy, trying to predict and preempt threats, and mentally gritting your teeth for the incoming pain which you could come any day. If any of this rings true I would guess there's something in the past which taught you and me to avoid this to the point that we make our own lives a misery preparing for it like some terrible meteor strike. I can't imagine there are many things in your everyday life which would compare, emotionally, to the sadness you are putting yourself through. In fact, I note that what most would consider a very challenging emotional event, your split with your partner, is one that you appear to be coping with.

The good news is that there are therapies available that can help you understand what might be underlying this. I would advise you to have a chat with someone using the great resources on this site.

All the best

[ecomama]

Hi Scaff! A warm Welcome to the forums!

I'm not sure if cactusjump has jumped out of the forums lol.

I would love if you could begin a thread of your own so we could pop in and see how you're going.

Your post reminded me of something a psychologist (friend) said to me a looooong time ago... I'll paraphrase alot lol...it was all to do with the evolution of our frontal lobe at a great pace, since cave man times... back then and at times since, we DO need our amygdala to spurn the fright / flight / freeze response, to save our lives!

...back then we NEEDED this response.
now not so much...

But we may react in this way to things that aren't life threatening.
They may be situations we perceive as threatening.... just not LIFE threatening.

On that day we coined this unnecessary response as "Where are the gargoyles?"
If there isn't anything life threatening and we can check this with that phrase.... then hopefully we can learn to settle this response within ourselves.

Ofcourse the dangerous "feedback loop" we've created in our brain DOES need to be rewired.
I found a psychologist who specialises in trauma and an okay part of the jigsaw puzzle towards MH, an intense 5 sessions, but the main learning was from Dr Joe Dispenza; his books and meditations.

Love EM

[chloe_xx]

Hi cactusjump,

Welcome to the forum! Thank you for providing so much detail I know that can be very daunting at times, this is a safe and friendly environment where all of us are here to support you. I am glad you find your work really enjoyable where you have a great connection with your work colleagues.

Anxiety is a very common, so just know you are not alone in the symptoms you are feeling. Have you tried breathing exercises that can help you focus on being more relaxed and in-tune with your body, which can help manage your anxiety from not becoming overwhelming? I find for myself (because i too overthink and over analysis situations) that counting to three breathing in and then counting to three breathing out, really helps me stay in the present moment rather than letting my anxiety get the better of me .

There are plenty of support mechanisms out there so if you feel more comfortable please feel free to get into contact with Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Sending lots of best wishes,

Chloe