Social anxiety

[john12]

Hi I’m a 29 year old who believes I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for the better part of 9 years now. 

I struggle with the thought of planned social events and end up spending days leading up to events running worst case scenarios through my head. My greatest fear is physical/visible distress, for example racing heart, uncontrolled sweating and being seen to be in distress by everyone. 
The worst part is not being able to enjoy my self and relax as all my time is spent trying to stay calm. 

this is my first time talking about this and wanted to get a feel from the community on similar situations. 

thanks. 

[patadog]

I've been in that exact place. It took me a long time to realise I had social anxiety but the more I looked into it, it became obvious. I'm no expert but from my experience I was able to manage it with online resource, self help, journaling, mindfulness and herbal supplements. I was also lucky to have a supportive partner I could open up to. No one is there same but anything is worth trying! The old me would never have thought I would be were I am now. I still get anxious before I go out sometimes, but I always come home having had a good experience.  Good luck and know things can improve. 

[Bob_22]

Hi john12,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing. What a great question you have asked. Many of us suffer from some form of anxiety with social anxiety being quite common. I experience general anxiety and would often run worst case scenarios through my head also on a range of things. There is some more information about the signs, symptoms and treatment for social anxiety on the bb website here actually: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/social-phobia 

One of the best forms of treatment for anxiety is cognitive behavioural therapy (as is on the link) which is best done with a psychologist. They will run you through exercises and teach you techniques such as mindfulness to help with the symptoms of anxiety and learn to be more relaxed in stressful situations. I definitely recommend undertaking this. You can also practice your own relaxation exercises here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises 

I will typically worry when I'm anxious, similar to you, and mainly feel phsyical symptoms such as heart racing, shallow breathing, numbness/tingling and restlessness. I generally calm these down through breathing exercises and some of the techniques learned in CBT. Hope this helps a little! 🙂

Bob

[jaz28]

Hi john12,

I am sorry you have been experiencing this, it must be hard for you. Have you seen a doctor or mental health professional about this? It would be a good place to start to find out if social anxiety is the cause of your struggles lately. It is difficult to enjoy yourself when anxiety takes over your mind, I understand, but seeing a mental health professional really helped me to overcome my anxiety.

I hope things improve soon and welcome to the forums!

Jaz xx

[john12]

Thanks for the reply patadog! That’s great to hear you are in a good place now. And I agree with you, it’s a great feeling when you get home having a great experience knowing that all the worrying was for nothing. 

[therising]

Hi john12

Do you find breaking down a lot the social factors you really feel can sometimes help you manage to make better sense of things?

Being a gal who's a serious feeler, I'm wondering if you can relate to any of the following

• Do you feel the impact of small talk? I'm a shocker at small talk and find it difficult to manage. On the other hand, if you come at me with some wonderful philosophy based question, bamm, I'm in but small talk tends to stress me. It has a kind of empty feel to it. I much prefer substance
• I feel the impact of people not being able to bring out the best in me in a social situation. I feel more relaxed when I have a good solid leader standing or sitting opposite me, leading a great conversation that will easily bring out the best in me (my chatty self, my joyful self, my relaxed self etc)
• Do you feel sound? A large room full of people all talking at once while loud music is playing in the background tends to trigger my nervous system. It's said sound is a form of energy. Too much of it tends to ramp up my nervous system
• I feel the impact of my imagination and internal dialogue. If I imagine not being able to cope, I'll feel what I see in my mind. If my internal dialogue before an event dictates 'This is going to be stressful. You're not going to be able to manage', I'll feel those words

The list goes on so I won't bore you. Btw, combine all the above factors, small talk, no brilliant conversational leaders to bring out the best in people, an overwhelming amount of noise, an imagination that's out of control and internal dialogue that would put fear into anyone and it will lead me to the kind of stress where I can feel and hear my own heartbeat. Of course, that's whole other trigger for anxiety, being able to literally feel what your body's doing, in fine detail. Life as a feeler can be challenging in so many ways.

Btw, I'm a proud introvert who loves having the ability to feel at such a deep level. Of course, sometimes such an ability feels more like a curse 🙂

[Mark Z.]

Hi John,

I understand you as I have similar challenge, it's really frustrating.

My experience is not to push myself too hard. I start with smaller gathering with just a few friends. If I have to go to large events, I'll try to find a company, for example, my best friends or colleagues. I let them know that I'm not good at social events and they'll take care of me when they can. But I still try to stay away from the crowd or get out early.  As you can see I haven't managed to improve my social skills a lot, but I've managed to control my social anxiety at certain level. 

Mark

[bene22]

hi John
A simple advice from me is to think about what the worst that could happen at a social event. Is there risk of dying ? No. Is there a risk of getting fired ? No. Is there a risk of getting injured ? No. Just go there, take a deep breath, smile and make small chat with familiar faces and you will get more and more comfortable as the event unfolds. Listen to relaxing music before getting there to stop or soften the internal monologue. I hope it helps.

[BugsBunny21]

I’m very similar, I’ve been told to focus on the other person/people in those scenarios (not myself), so if your mind tries to take you back to yourself and how you might look to others, redirect it onto people there that you want to learn about more and let them do the talking. Do you know what goes through your mind about these social settings, what thoughts do you have? It’s those thoughts that lead to the physical symptoms you feel. Perhaps understanding what you are afraid of and acknowledging that is the best start. Psychologists are experts in this area and can help you understand it better. Exposure in small steps you can handle will help! You are not alone that’s for sure!