Hi happy one!
I'm glad you are thinking about this because as you say, it puts a strain on the relationship. I have suffered with social anxiety, I feel a lot better about socialising these days so I better remember what changed!
I think firstly, I made sure that when I/we were out, I wasn't thinking about my self. I focused more on other people, getting to know them, helping them to be comfortable or chatting with them about issues. I try to remember that I have no idea what other people are thinking, so there is no point in trying or worrying if I am fitting in. I just want to be calm and true to my self, I want to be in the moment and enjoy myself, I deserve that as much as anyone else. Having said that, if a situation isn't comfortable or to my liking, I don't have to stay, we always have options. I believe that we exchange energy through our words and actions, some times I will just kick back and watch the show. So if I am talking to someone about how bad the service is, how late it is or how crap the meal was, maybe I am drawing energy from that person, to try and top up. If I am in control of my energy I can afford to give some away, ohhhh your hair looks nice, love that shirt, how good is this food, I am making others feel better and that makes me feel better as well, it's just a different way of viewing the situation. It's a bit like looking down on the moment to see what is really going on, why I am feeling bad in this moment.
Another thing I did in therapy, write down a situation that you find challenging, sit with it, what is the worst that can happen, how would you like to respond, practice it. And don't forget to breathe, if you feel anxious in these situations, breathe it out, I do 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out, 10 breaths or until I feel better, works every time for me. It takes a while for anyone to click, especially if you are new to the group, maybe a quick phone call to them now and then might help to build on the relationships.
It's the start of a new journey for you happy one, chin up, you will work this out and don't hesitate to get some support from a counsellor, there may be some clear reasons why you are feeling this way.
Talk anytime
Jack
