Social Anxiety

[PiCkLeMuFfIn]

Hey, ive been suffering with social anxiety for over 2 years now, and im struggling with it, making friends and talking to people at school and work is hard for me. every time im forced to talk to someone or if i have to a presentation at school i start to freak out, i start shaking and sweating and fidgiting and i start to cry and i cant seem to take control of it. Self confidence is another big thing that im struggling with. Doesn't matter if im lacking in self confidence in my self or just trying to make friends, i just cant do it, i just seem to break down and cry cause i cant fix it, cause i cant help it that im like this, i just wish i was confiedent, everything will be a lot more easier for me. i do see a therapist but i feel like it doesnt help me at all, all i do is talk about it, but never able to fix it. im scared to tell my parents that i dont want to go anymore, but im scared to tell them. see i cant even talk to my own parents. i wish i was an extrovert. i wish i was good enough. recently, ive started talking to a boy i really like and he likes me back, but the thing is we are both inroverts and its kinda hard to talk to him without fidgeting. we try and try and try but we can never seem to talk irl, we talk perfectly fine on instagram but in person just freaks us out, it would just be a little more easier if one of us was an extrovert. i just need someones advice and help on this. ive been really sad lately and just hate it, i like being happy. someone pls just come and help me. or even if your like me an just want to talk about it. 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi PiCkLeMuFfIn, 

Welcome to the forums, we're so glad you could share here. We're so sorry to hear how you've been feeling, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgmental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.  

Social anxiety can be really debilitating, we’re really sorry to hear how it's affecting you. It sounds like it can really bring you down sometimes, and we want you to know that you don’t have to go it alone with those feelings. You can speak to your GP, a school counsellor or trusted adult, or you can reach out to our helplines on 1300 22 4636, or you can use the webchat or email. 

Headspace have some really interesting info on anxiety, so we’d recommend having a look there for tips and discussions, as do Kids Helpline. If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or through webchat here.  

Thank you again for posting here, that’s a great start. You never know who else might see your post and feel less alone in their own experiences. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Petal22]

Hi PickLeMuFfln,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you are feeling this way, social anxiety can be difficult…

It takes time to build confidence in ourselves…… it can be hard to talk in front of people…. Your not alone many people feel this way..

Sorry you are feeling sad, maybe you could make an appointment with your gp and discuss how you are feeling?

Please try to talk to your parents about the way you are feeling I’m sure they would like to help you…

here to chat

[ahw309]

Hi PiCkLeMuFfIn, welcome to the fourms 🙂

Sorry that your anxiety has been bothering you. I have social anxiety too so a lot of what you said resonated with me. I also find it really difficult to talk to people and make friends and it can be really really hard sometimes - I've refused to do presentations/speeches all throughout school and I've definitely lost weeks of sleep sometimes trying to muster up the courage to just ask my parents one question or just send one message, so I get how frustrating it can be and how defeated you can feel sometimes! I also often wish I was extroverted because a lot of these things seem to come so easy to them haha (even though I know extroverts can have social anxiety too!)

I feel like social anxiety and self-confidence really go hand-in-hand, so it makes sense if you're struggling with both of these. I still struggle with social anxiety but I have (very very slowly) gained more self-confidence and as a result have struggled less and less with anxiety. Unfortunately, the best way to conquer anxiety is to go out and do the things that make you anxious. Maybe if you just started with smaller things that you find manageable, and building your confidence within that little zone. For example, some of the ways that I built up my confidence included volunteering and being more open online (e.g. posting about my mental health journey or sharing my poetry). These were situations that I personally found to be low pressure or where my desire to do the thing outweighed my anxiety. They ended up being mostly very positive social experiences for me, so I continued to seek them out! This then led me to become more comfortable and confident in myself and the value that I could bring. Even if it started out only being online, I've definitely felt it spread a little to other areas of my life!

You obviously don't have to do the things I did but it could be helpful to look at your strengths or the things that you feel comfortable with and see if you can push yourself a bit in those spaces. Being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and questioning my thought patterns during that discomfort is something that I've found really helpful. Then as I've become more aware of how I feel and how I think when I'm anxious, I've been able to separate myself from the anxiety. I just notice different thoughts and feelings come up and then blame it on anxiety just being anxiety (not a reflection of how I/others really feel or who I really am).

[ahw309]

It's good to hear that you're seeing a therapist, but I guess not so good to hear that you don't feel like it's been very helpful. Can I ask how long you've been seeing this therapist? Do you feel comfortable talking to them? Have you expressed to them that you don't feel like the sessions are helpful to you? Even though it's hard to speak up sometimes, it's also helpful from a therapist's point of view to know when things are working or not working so that they can try something new, so you'll be doing them a favour too! If you have done this though, sometimes it takes time to find a good fit in therapy, so it could be worth it to try seeing someone different?

With the boy that you're talking to - when do you see each other irl? Do you go to school/work together, or have you met up outside of these? Maybe if you meet up while doing some sort of activity that you're both interested in (e.g. watching a movie, going to a museum, etc.) where you'll have a planned thing that you could both talk about if you're feeling stuck? Or you could try and start a conversation on Instagram before you see each other and then continue it irl (if that makes sense)? I also find asking questions helpful, as it keeps the attention on the other person, though if you're both introverted I guess it can be a little difficult haha. It's super exciting that you both like each other, and I'm sure as you get more comfortable with each other you will be more confident with talking to each other!

Sorry for asking so many questions and for such ridiculously long posts! Not sure if I had any helpful advice but I hope this at least gives you comfort to know you're not alone.

As Petal22 said before me, we're here to chat 🙂

[Pumpkinella]

Hi PiCkLeMuFfIn,

Thanks so much for sharing with us. There are many people that suffer from social anxiety so you are not alone! I also suffered - at one stage I had to keep leaving work because I couldn't be around people. I also have problems with self-confidence. We look around at other people and we see them all as confident/happy and we wish so much we could be like that too. Remember they might look confident and great but we all have struggles, things we don't like about ourselves. I'm saying this because it helped me not to compare. I know there would be some really wonderful things about you. You just struggle in this area - and that's totally fine. There is nothing 'wrong' about you.

Sometimes I try to find the humour it in all. All the best comedy shows don't show super confident people just 'owning it', they show people struggling to fit in and failing, awkward moments. That helped me too, not to see myself as some kind of nervous bore. But an interesting, funny person.

Importantly, if you feel like your psychologist is not helping, then you can always change. People don't realise but we have to find the 'right' psychologist for us. Not all psychologists are going to work with every person. There are also so many different therapies: mindfulness, cognitive behavioural therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy and many more. So if you feel like this psychologist and whatever therapy they are using isn't helping then I would advise you tell your parents you would like to look at some other options and maybe they can help you research different kinds of therapies as well. There are LOADS out there, so all is not lost. It can be really amazing when you find the right psychologist.

I'm so glad to hear you like a guy who likes you back - that's so exciting!! Sounds like you guys both find it hard but at least you both understand each other as well. My partner has anxiety too and while it did take us longer to get close - once we felt more comfortable we could understand each others anxiety issues and that is really important. I might suggest you guys do an activity together- hopefully you're not in COVID lock down but if not then go somewhere to play mini golf or something better haha. It helps because it brings a distraction- you're not just sitting there looking at each other and you can bond over the activity.

You sound like a really wonderful person and thanks so much for sharing - it helps me to know as well that we are not alone!

Love

Pumps.