Social Anxiety......

[Kaylee13]

Today was my daughters preschool orientation and my social anxiety decided it would make an appearance as well.
Within 10 minutes of being in a room crammed with parents, kids and teachers I literally couldn't handle it a second longer and politely asked for directions to the bathroom, as I walked into the bathroom I had an anxiety attack and sat in there for 10 minutes trying to get my shit together so I could get back to my daughter and partner who I knew would be wondering where I am.
I couldn't bring myself to walk back into the room so instead, I sat outside on a chair looking at the paperwork we were given pretending to read it whilst really thinking how stupid I looked sitting outside reading paperwork when I should be inside the classroom with my daughter.
I was plotting a way to make a quick escape without anyone noticing, can you believe that? It was my daughters special day and here I am trying to find a way out because I can't stand being in a room with other people.
A teacher came over and asked if I was ok and if I would like a glass of water, I told her I was ok. She asked why I was sitting outside and by this stage, I was completely overrun with anxiety and anxious thoughts I couldn't even think of a lie I just told her straight up I had anxiety and I needed some fresh air, she seemed apologetic and said she was sorry for asking.
I feel like a failure of a parent for not being able to walk back into the room and be with my daughter and I feel like an idiot for telling her a teacher I had only just met I had anxiety. It took me years to tell my family I had anxiety and here I am telling a teacher at my daughters new preschool I have anxiety.
Today confirmed I really need to get some professional help and this Monday coming I'm taking the steps required to get some help.

[Croix]

Dear Kaylee13~

I think you if you have a browse around this Forum you will find many in similar situations. Anxiety is a horrible thing to have, limits one's life dreadfully and makes one feel useless and small.

Part of the trouble of course is we judge ourselves as if we were well, not suffering an illness. What may seem a trivial thing, like that orientation meeting, becomes a minefield, with no easy way of coping. Honestly there is no need to feel bad, you did what you could.

It is another manifestation of the illness that you just blurted out the truth, thinking and planning can go out the window.

I think it is great you have decided to seek medical help. As someone else that suffers anxiety I found I only got worse before I obtained treatment. The good news is that for many the illness responds well to treatment - therapy and possibly meds too.

The Facts menu above has plenty of background material on anxiety, its different manifestations, symptoms and treatments if oyu would like to look.

You did say you had already told your family -a big step. How was this received? Are you able to explain what is happening to you and get sympathy and understanding? I found family support lifted a very great burden. Not only in having things done I was unable to do myself, but also the fact I did not have to pretend.

I'd be very interested to know how you find treatment and how you are getting on in general

Croix