Social Anxiety with Old Friends

[kiara_18]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and am very grateful that it exists. I
am currently facing some depression and anxiety about a friendship group I had
from high school. We have been friends for around 12 years and I feel like we
have grown apart.

A few years ago when I was being bullied by another person in
the group I felt like the girls were not there for me and really felt let down
by it all. Of the group I had expected that a few of the girls would have said
something, comforted me or checked if I was okay but no one did. So I gave up
and stopped expecting. I completely withdrew from the group for about a year
and half and no one really reached out. I made new friends and bless my fiancé
(my rock) has always been there for me and we have a very loving life together
along with our families and other friends.

Lately after some work on myself, I decided that life long
friends are hard to find, and after all that time apart maybe I should reach
out. I did that and seemed to get not a lot back, from them collectively. I
carry some resentment as I felt so alone because of them in the past, not to sound like a victim by any
means. But its the same as ever. We are getting married next year and I was and
am genuinely confused weather to invite this group of friends to our wedding. I
love them and would help them in any way, but I feel like it's not a real friendship. They never exclude me
personally, very inclusive and nice enough. But I feel anxious before and after
seeing them as I feel that resentment build up. And also have no idea where I
stand with them on a one on one level. I asked my self the question would they
be upset to not be invited to our wedding and truely the answer I think would
be more so upset they dont get to participate in a wedding not mine personally.

Honestly it is getting me down, even though I have a lot to
be happy and greatful about. I would love some guidance:

- Should I speak to them and let them know my feelings and
see if its all a misunderstanding over the last few years

- Should I email them and say how i feel in a very kind
respectful way, honour the friendship and part ways

- Should I just hide away from them and delete them off all
social media and start a new life

Thank you all.

[MarkJT]

Kiara, welcome to the forums, great to have you here and well done for reaching out to get some thoughts and advice back.

Certainly a hard situation and just shows how much of an effect that bullying has on a human.

In relation to your choices:

- By talking to them you will be able to portray your emotions and emotions tell a story. You may get lost in your words every now and then but at least you can talk it out there and then.

- By emailing them you will get your point across exactly the way you want to as you can take your time in writing it but email has no emotion so they will not get the exact way you are feeling.

- Cutting them completely is a massive step to take. You are correct in saying that life long friends don't come around that often so you need to establish if they are or not. I would advise against this option. If one or all gave you nothing and continued to bully you in anyway, then it would be the best option to cut ties with them. No one needs people in their lives that are toxic. You may find though that they really didn't know what was going on and are massively sorry and the friendship is alive and healthy.

My thoughts are that you speak to them, possibly one on one (less anxiety than would be in a group) and explain what you felt like back then and continue to feel like. If they are true friends you will see the emotion from them.

Your wedding day is one of the most special days of your life. You do not want to be anxious about who is attending that day. You are wanting to be relaxed and ready to enjoy the day and not thinking about them. You need to get this sorted out prior to your wedding.

Be keen to hear how you progress with this and keep engaging us on the forum. Here to help in anyway possible.

Cheers

Mark.

[kiara_18]

Hi Mark,

Thank you so much for the time you took writing back to me. I really appreciate your thoughts and will apply some of the suggestions you mentioned.

Guess there is only one true way to know right 🙂

-K

[MarkJT]

Kiara, your welcome. Just my thoughts and you are spot on, there is really only one way to find out.

Super best luck for your wedding, such a wonderful day!

Mark.

[kiara_18]

Hi mark ,

I did it 🙂 had the chat and it was good. I learned from the chats that she was oblivious to the way the girl that bullied me was affecting me more so the extent and said sorry for it. And I'm okay with that as I wasent looking for an apology more so making the person aware.

I also learned that other people in the group also recognise the distance in the group of friends and are completely okay with it. It is what it is.

Silly ol me being an empath personality type thought it was just me who felt that way, but turns out everyone does but are not highly sensitive individuals and I just maybe took it a bit personal .

Now I can peacefully go back to enjoy and cherishing all the good things in my life.

I will invite them to our wedding as they have good hearts. And even to celebrate years of friendship .

I can't thank you enough for your direction it was just what I needed. Some reasoning.

Wish you all the very best, you have inspired me to spend time replying on here. You never know who you can help.

Namaste,

Kiara

[MarkJT]

Kiara, you're welcome but it was you who did it and i am so happy for you. It took a lot of courage to do what you did and to have a positive outcome is simply brilliant.

Now you go and have an awesome wedding, take note and soak in every moment because the day goes in a flash.

Namaste - love it! We could learn so much from the Nepalese and Indian Hindu's.

Mark.