Social anxiety makes it so difficult for me to connect with people

[alma17]

Due to a lot of trauma, I've been mostly secluded for the past 2 years or so. Apart from my partner, and sometimes his family, I don't meet with people. I basically have one friend in this world - my partner. There is a part of me that would like to form meaningful relationships with more people, however, I feel very guarded, scared and generally distrustful of most people. I've had some recent trauma and a very recent disconnection with a toxic family, and these experiences honestly made me disillusioned about people in general. I also just feel different to people; different in my experiences and different in terms of values.

I can't say everyone is bad, but I often haven't had very good interactions with people. Due to my social anxiety stemming from trauma, a lot of people have judged me, and think me to be weird for acting anxiously like I do. They don't understand why I am the way I am and so react negatively to me, which leaves me feeling hurt a lot, although, I don't always admit it to myself. I have an accumulation of a lot of hurt from others. If I were able to act more calmly, in order to not make others react, I guess I would, but it's hard for me at this stage. I feel like barely anyone likes me or sees me. Like I am not wanted in this world. I suppose I would like to meet people who could understand me, but it seems difficult at this point.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi alma,

I hear what you’re saying. You must feel so misunderstood, lonely and hurt. I feel it’s sad how some people can be so quick to judge rather than take the time to get to know others...

The trauma plus your accumulation of hurt must make the world feel very scary. I know you really want to connect and make friends but there’s another part of you that is anxious, traumatised and finds it difficult to trust. All this sounds very exhausting...

I’m glad you’ve reached out here and that you have at least one friend in your lovely partner. I was thinking maybe you could start “small” (so to speak). You could practice talking to people online (such as here on the forums) then when you’re feeling hopefully more confident, you can transfer those skills to the offline world. It’s just a gentle suggestion...

There’s no pressure or obligation but if you find writing helps then write as often as you like here. Some people find it helpful to purge their feelings plus it can be nice to make connections here.

Warm and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Alexlisa]

Hello Alma,

I can really relate to what you're saying. I too had only my partner as my friend, for 10+ years, and now find myself wanting to connect with others, but too scared to actually do it. Like you mention, I get very anxious around people and feel that I am judged for being so obviously anxious in my behaviour, or that I just make people uncomfortable. I think mostly though, I judge myself. I find it embarrassing to have my severe anxiety on show like that for everyone to see. I try to control it, but can't and it makes me feel so down on myself.

I'm sorry I don't have any way to help you except to say that I understand and hear what you're going through. It can be so overwhelming to feel both wanting and trying to run away from connection at the same time. I hope that we can find enough strength to keep moving towards what we want. And to know that we deserve to have other people in our life who will love us as we are.

Take care,

Alexlisa x

[Winterz]

Hi,

I feel like I can definitely relate to some of what you are saying. I also isolate myself from others and mainly just spend time with my partner and my little girl because of things like trust issues.

I wondered though, when you say that people think you are weird when you act in an anxious way, how do you know this? Do they tell you that you appear weird or is it more that you just think that this is how others perceive you? I only ask because I often fear that people will think I am weird on the occasions that I am overcome with anxiety but nobody has actually said that to me. So maybe it's just in my head ..

[alma17]

They look at me like I am weird. There have been clear times where people have been confused, or judgemental in their facial expressions towards me. It's not solely a projection. Other times, people are more neutral, and in those cases, my reaction is not as strong.

Your mind can make you more anxious, which can make people act towards you differently. It has happened to me and don't think it's all in my head when people behave towards me differently.

[alma17]

Alexlisa said:

Like you mention, I get very anxious around people and feel that I am judged for being so obviously anxious in my behaviour, or that I just make people uncomfortable. I think mostly though, I judge myself. I find it embarrassing to have my severe anxiety on show like that for everyone to see. I try to control it, but can't and it makes me feel so down on myself.

I'm very much the same. I know my thoughts regarding myself, tend to create my situations with others, but it is a very difficult thing to control or change. Hopefully we can find like-minded others, who we can form close bonds with.

[alma17]

I suppose I will start trying to form some connections, albeit very slowly. Thanks for your help.