Hi @cathyxd7,
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, but great job for reaching out!
When I was a bit younger (around your age) I also suffered from social anxiety with family friends. For me, I always felt the need to pre-plan what I said over and over again in fear I was going to embarrass myself. I ruminated over minor, insignificant details a lot, which consequently lead me to nail bite a lot. However, I gradually came to the realisation that a lot of my anxiety stemmed from low self esteem and negative self-talk. My constant fear that other people were judging me, especially close friends, really came from my own insecurities of seeing myself as inadequate.
If you feel your anxiety exacerbating maybe try shift your focus on neutral factors in your environment. For example, look at the patterns of the couch, count the number of blue objects in the room, or hold something in your hand like a cup and feel how cold or warm it is. By focusing on something else this might help disrupt the spiralling of your anxiety.
Another method I learnt was re-structuring how I perceived events - for example, if my friend suddenly became silent during a conversation instead of immediately thinking "I think she is judging me for what I said" I would see it as "She might be distracted by some personal issues". By changing how I perceived the event, this changed my emotional state, which subsequently helped alleviate some of my anxiety.
However, I do really recommend seeking professional support and getting a referral for a psychologist from a trusted GP. Psychologists are wonderful not only at teaching you a range of effective techniques to reduce your anxiety, but they can also help you identify where you anxiety is stemming from.
Wishing you all the best x
